Divorcing a Narcissist: A Brave Little Girl

Divorcing a Narcissist: A Brave Little Girl

On Wednesday night, I took my daughters to see their therapist.  The girls bravely  discussed the events that took place on Saturday afternoon at their dad’s house.  My oldest daughter explained that she was trying very hard to hold her little sister’s head out of the water but in turn, her own head kept going under water.  It was difficult to listen to her talk about this event in detail.  She discussed trying to get her father’s attention and the fact that he was “either sleeping or not paying attention”.  The drowning facts that I have been researching kept flashing through my head as she was talking.  A small child can loose consciousness in as little as 12- 20 seconds.  I sat there while this brave little girl told her story but felt physically ill to actually picture the event as she was describing it.

In that moment, I wished more than ever that I could afford an attorney.  I would spend every penny that I own to hire someone to fight this battle for me.  It has now crossed over to a territory that terrifies me more than I could ever put into words.  I want to be my daughters’ advocate while they are living; not because I have lost them to a tragedy.

The girls are adamant that they want a supervisor to come with them to their dad’s house.  They love their father and they want to see their father but they don’t feel safe with their father.  My daughter has taken on a very grown up role and a responsibility that she shouldn’t have to bear: being her little sister’s protector.  I discussed the option of speaking to Minor’s Council with my 7-year old daughter this morning and at her level, I explained what his role is.  I then asked my daughter, “Do you want to talk to Mr. (Attorney) and let him know your feelings about everything?”.  “Yes, mom.  I do want to talk to him”, she responded.  I called the attorney’s office and we are going in this afternoon.

We have talked about “using our words and our voices” since she was 2 years old.

Today is the day that she gets to do that.

I hope they listen to this brave little girl.



11 Responses

  1. Reading the story of this “near miss” makes my heart just stop in its place. I’m so proud of you and love very much that you’ve given your girls a voice through this process. My prayers go with you both this afternoon!

  2. I pray everything went well. I recently found your site and it makes me feel good to know I am not alone, yet very very sad our kids have to go through this. After two years of no overnight visits a judge has decided to let my X start overnight visitation despite the fact he has not gotten help and has not even done what the judge ordered! It is breaking my heart. My kids 5,6 and 8 have also had to grow up a lot faster than they should have. Just since the overnight visits have started my oldest has started pulling out her hair, my X is completely controlling and manipulative of them, I have to physically take them outside to him and my son has finally verbalized (I knew he was thinking something inside his head but me nor there counselor could get him to say anything)that he can’t say no to dad b/c he is so afraid he will scream and yell like he did when we were together and I won’t be there to take the worst of it (my oldest verbalized this from the beginning).I thought the hardest parts were behind me but boy was I wrong. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and giving us all hope.

  3. wow . my son 6 is in a similar situation only my ex left our youngest home alone for an hour and 45 minutes . then my ex posted a pic of our youngest making a sexual gesture on face book. the courts are so protective over fathers though , here at least and i fear there is no help for my boys . but i am going to pray hard for your girls tonite knowing that our children have a similar path to tread

  4. Lynn, your post breaks my heart. Do you have a lawyer? I do but she seems of no help to me. Amongst other injustices, a judge ordered my 12 month old to begin overnighters at 24 months, even though he has never been away from me at night and still breastfeeds. I just don’t know how judges can say that their decisions are in the “best interest of the child”????? And we have to sit back while our hearts are being ripped out and pass these innocent kids off to monsters. I am sick for you, me, and all of us here facing horrible overnight visits.

  5. My heart breaks for your daughters. Especially your oldest who must have been so scared in that pool. I am so glad you are fighting for them and not giving up. I pray that someone in power hears you and hears your daughters and steps in to protect them.

  6. I do have a lawyer however I believe it is now time to switch to another one (I am not sure if it will help our not). The kids have a great counselor who they have seen for the last two yearts and has been very supportive of the kids best interest in court yet our current judge never listens to what she has to say! We had a great juvenile judge who truly put the kids best interest first but then X appealed and it went to circuit court and everytime I go in front of this judge I never get what is best for the kids. Not only has my X been officially diagnosed with narcissism by required court testing he was also found guilty for having sex with a 15 year old (and he knew her age ahed of time). Got no jail time, no sex offender registery…my heart breaks not just for my kids, your kids but everyone who the court system is failing like this 15 year old girl. Thanks for the support. I have looked and looked for narcissitic support groups in my area but have found none. I am very grateful to have found this blog and all of you.

  7. Unbelievable story. Unbelievable judges. And I know you haven’t even scratched the surface in sharing the horror you and your kids ensure. Thank God for Tina and onemomsbattle.com. I too have looked for support groups, but haven’t found any. This site helps tremendously to feel “understood”. Not many people can understand what we endure on a daily basis.

  8. I sometimes think that a lot of the source of people just not “getting it” is that it is profoundly unsettling to ordinary people to take in the fact that there are people who look so much like everyone else yet are fundamentally different at the core (sociopaths and others with severe personality disorders). The implications are a nightmare (as we have found) and people who are not caught in this would rather believe it does not exist. That, I think, is what is behind a lot of the unbelievable orders made by judges. They want to believe that therapy works and that 12 step programs work and that with effort, narcissists can be relatively ok parents.
    I have thought a lot about Tina’s mission to change the way the court handles these cases. I think a critical element would be to require everyone in the family law system (the judges, the recommending mediators, the custody evaluators, minor’s counsel, etc) to take a rigorous course in which they study and come to terms with the fact that personality disorders are NOT curable. A narcissist or sociopath could do any amount of rehab and be just as toxic and dangerous, if not more so. Often it is ignorance of the stark reality of this, coupled with a self-protective optimism about human nature, that leads judges to order children to spend time alone with these harmful parents.

  9. Agreed. To make changes in the system, education is needed in the courtrooms. This is no small task and there is a lot of corruption that education can’t fix. Holding the judges and others in the system accountable is also imperative.