When people talk about “past baggage”, mine revolves a great deal around money. Sometimes I feel like I have post traumatic stress disorder specifically relating to money. I hate discussing money. It stresses me out.
In my marriage, I lived in constant fear that we were going to loose everything. He borrowed money from people constantly, spent way more than we had and always put us in tremendous amounts of debt to keep up with the lifestyle that he felt entitled to. By the end of our marriage, I believe that our debt totals were somewhere near the $2,000,000 mark.
In the final days of our marriage, I discovered that his admission of being “devious, manipulative and dishonest” were the truest words he ever spoke. This is a man who ruined his younger brother’s credit in the amount of almost $100,000 and scammed a local concrete contractor for $20,000. Then there was an ex-employee who he talked into signing for a $24,000 bill — she was subsequently sued and had to pay money out of her retirement that was on top of the $7,000 in wages he didn’t pay her. He left another employee without pay– unable to feed or care for his family after stringing him along for months on false promises and lies. He refinanced our home without me knowing. He borrowed $10,000 from someone that I have to see in church every Sunday and never paid him back. He scammed a printing company out of $15,00 from a bill that he ran up and couldn’t afford. Since then, I’ve heard many more stories of scams and deceit.
Today I received a call today from Child Support Services seeking information on my X for failure to pay his recent support obligations. It seems that he got fired (again) and they are trying to serve him with paperwork. They went through a list of addresses to try and determine where he lives and I gave him the current information that I have. It’s a cycle- he gets a job, it takes approximately two months for his income to create a “beep” in the system and then they finally catch up with him a month later. By this point, three months have gone by and he can only hold a job for 4-5 months on average. Back to square one.
He is currently $33,016.68 behind in child support. Interestingly enough, he still has a brand new car, membership at an elite health club in San Francisco and can afford to drink himself into oblivion. In the past couple of years, I’ve heard from credible witnesses that he funnels money through his Uncle’s bank account so that there is no trace of income. Today I reported that information to Child Support Services along with the necessary contact information for his uncle. The fact that his family members help him to avoid supporting his daughters says a lot about them. There is something wrong with many aspects of our system and the Child Support System is one very flawed piece to this puzzle.
I have to believe that it will all catch up with him at some point. The financial roller coaster of life with a Narcissist continues even after the marriage ends.