Divorcing a Narcissist: The Apple Pie

Divorcing a Narcissist: The Apple Pie

Someone said recently, “You can’t make this stuff up!” and he was right.  You can’t.

Yesterday was the x’s visitation and I picked the girls up at 5pm only to hear the words, “Mom!  We made you an apple pie!”.  As we drove, my oldest daughter went on to explain the story- her dad wanted to drive 45 minutes south to a local barn to buy apples and bake a pie with them.  As much as I would love to believe that he has taken up baking with his daughters, I know him and I also know that there is a pending court date on the horizon.  He needed additional photos to submit to the court and there are no better photos than those of an apple pie baking.

The sad part is that I am not a skeptic.  I truly believe the best about people and situations in general until I’m proven wrong and then I still try to give the benefit of the doubt.  That is my nature.  It takes a lot for me to get to the place that I am with my x.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me hundreds of times, shame on me.

About an hour and a half after I picked up the girls, the crazy text messages from him began.  He included me on one text that he sent to someone and this is what it said:

From the x: We made an apple pie.  Their first pie ever!!!  Bought some fresh apples at (ABC) Barn. I am better at BBQ than baking but now that its baked it looks pretty yummy!!!  They want to give it to their Mom. So sweet of them.

It gave me the creeps because he only speaks like that when he is in his super manic and incredibly bizarre state of mind.  Hours later my daughter said to me, “Mom, isn’t it strange that dad wanted to make you a pie?“.  I was careful with my response and said, “It was very unexpected and I appreciate how hard that you worked to make it!”  Even my daughters know him well enough that they found this to be bizarre and abnormal behavior.

He then sent another text message to me at 11:24pm that said, “Thought only (so-and-so) got that message.  Go to sleep Tina.  Let it go.  Let me go please Tina“.

Creepy 🙁

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18 Responses

  1. If it came from my XN I’d feel like Snow White and not take one bite. Why did he have to drive 45 min. away when we know that there are quite a few apple orchards close by? You’re right, he’s up to something…It makes me sick how he uses the girls like that.

  2. Hi Tina, I know exactly what you mean about fool me once, shame on you, fool me continuously, shame on me! And when your children, like mine, start feeding back to you their perceptions of the bizarre and unusual behaviours, you really take notice of it.

    My first thought was, when reading your story, was that he’s taking photos, collecting evidence, staging ‘oh so sweet and caring’ father scenarios to submit in court. But when you couple his staged scenarios, with the hard evidence you have, any normal person can see that it is all bizarre. A consistent stable parent/person doesn’t have such swings in their behaviour and I hope your evidence proves his inconsistencies 🙂 Hope you and the girls enjoyed the home made apple pie with cream or ice cream and really loved it 🙂

  3. Yep. Drove from N. County all the way to AV Barn…I’m sure it was because more “community members” would see him down there than in N County.

  4. You know, a sane person does stuff like that, too. As soon as I heard my XN was filing for custody, claiming parental alienation (of an INFANT?!?!), I said “Let’s put out photos of XN holding LO.” because then it looks even more like I’m working to facilitate a relationship by having photos of XN in the house for LO to look at and babble to.

  5. My DD learned about emotional abuse and bullying in school last week. She came home and said she felt like they were describing XN the whole time, and it made her feel really creepy. They talked about the abuse cycle and signs of an abuser, and she said, “It was him to a T, Mom!” Broke my heart. I let this man into our homes, exposed him to my daughter, and even had a child with him. Why didn’t I see it? How could SHE, but not ME?

  6. Personally, I would not eat the pie! I had a similar thing happen a couple of years ago. Creepy doesn’t quite express it fully…deeply disturbing almost gets it.

  7. P., It reminded me of Snow White too. My first thought was yuck. I would not let my kids or myself eat any of it.

    Tina, some of your post makes me think he is also bipolar in addition to the narcissist disorder. The weird text with manic wording and then later the mad ones. Sounds like he is on the crazy train!

  8. Once, two days before Mothers Day, my ex rang my doorbell at 11:30. PM. yes, almost midnight. Because I would never open the door to him because he scared the daylights out of me, I opened the upstairs window and asked him what he needed. He insisted that I open the door repeatedly as he had a Mother’s Day present for me. I refused repeatedly and after about 15 minutes he finally left. I didn’t sleep a wink. I awoke to find on my front steps a vendor’s coffee mug(probably one of his clients) with a five dollar bill in it. I still gives me e creeps to this day to think about it.

  9. Our former marital counselor (a PhD) said the same thing when we were in therapy. Suspected bi-polar.

  10. I know. I agree. I actually went and bought a new pie- plan to “decorate” it with toppings (caramel, crumbles and ice cream). The girls won’t even know and I will feel much better. I just don’t want to steal their excitement.

  11. This week apple pie, next week Disneyland, and a puppy or some other enticing activity to distract your daughters from his severly flawed personality-don’t pedophiles do stuff like that. If he has not gone to such great lengths before then look out for the next PAS Gardner protege. He is so pitiful. I chuckled a little after reading his last comment-it was a joke right?.

  12. When normal parents make something with their kids, play with their kids etc, they do it because its fun and makes quiet, lasting memories. When NPD’s do it, they need to shout from the roof tops (aka facebook/texting) and let it be known to everyone how wonderful they are. Completely disgusting.

  13. super creepy and uncanny how similar these narcs are . mine did the exact same thing minus the pie and make it a picture frame . and all right before a court date

  14. Tina, he doesn’t seem to get that you know him, inside and out, and that he can’t fool you. My ex doesn’t get it either. Or maybe it’s part of their sick game.

    We see through them. The children see through them.

    Time for the courts and the professionals they appoint to really examine the evidence and see through them also. Until they do, they are not adequately protecting those who need protection the most – the kids and the healthy parent.

  15. My STBX went through a phase where he was suddenly into baking cookies an bringing them to us on his sporadic visits with our son. It is creepy and like you I wondered exactly what he was feeding us. Even my 12 year old, his stepson, wouldn’t eat the cookies. We threw them away. Another time he brought over homemade sushi. Again, threw it away. The man talked crazy talk about being sent to the mental hospital because his mom “poisoned” him. I’m not about to eat his food!