Divorcing a Narcissist: Narcissistic Supply and Educating His Inner Circle on NPD

Divorcing a Narcissist: Narcissistic Supply and Educating His Inner Circle on NPD

I went to drop the girls off at the X’s house yesterday for his Saturday visitation (11am-5pm) and found it somewhat odd that he was videotaping us as we entered his driveway.  He wastes a lot of energy trying to figure out how much money my fiance makes and often threatens to subpoena his earnings.  Now he is most likely focused on the new truck that my fiance purchased.  Meanwhile, I wonder if he will videotape me pulling into his driveway in the car that I own which has 160,000 miles on it?  This would be the same car that wouldn’t start today when I tried to leave my driveway.

My X’s mother recently mentioned that my daughter often played with the camera feature on the cell phone during the visitations.  I decided to speak to my daughter about the proper use of the phone and that it is not a toy but to be used for emergencies or if she needs to contact me.  The phone is court ordered to stay in my daughter’s possession during her visits and the X recently violated the order by removing it from her when she was upset and trying to contact me.  As I dropped the girls off, I said to him, “I’ve spoken to (Daughter 1) about proper use of the cell phone and she will not be using it as a camera or a toy during her visits but the phone must remain in her possession at all times”.  He replied (in front of the girls), “I will be getting that changed in court.  You are only using the phone for GPS tracking which will end”.  He then went on to say, “You are also tracking me on my iphone with spyware which is illegal and will also be stopped”.

Let’s take a step back into reality for a moment:

  • Yes, the phone is used for GPS tracking and the court is aware of that.  Was I the only one present when the judge asked if I had tracking on the phone and then removed my X’s ability to have overnight visits because of the lies about the girls whereabouts?  If he didn’t constantly lie about where my children were, I wouldn’t need to track them.  I don’t feel the need to track my children when they are with friends, babysitters or anyone else in this world.  I find it incredibly sad that I trust our babysitters more than I trust the father of my children.
  • Tracking him with spyware.  Maybe something called, “Tina’s Angel Spyware” but it has nothing to do with his phone.  To date, I have been contacted by four people whom I’ve never met in my life.  There was another new one this week.  These people live four hours away from me.  What do they each have in common?  My X has personally TOLD them about my blog and through internet searches of my maiden name, they have each reached out and found me on their own accord because they have also been victimized by my X in a variety of ways.  I have had information dumped on my lap without lifting a finger.  I had to laugh at the thought of me tracking him with spyware when I can’t figure out how to do the simplest tasks related to computers and phones.  I wouldn’t even know where to begin.

In true narcissistic fashion, my X goes around telling people that his ex-wife is obsessed with him and writes a blog about him.  Why would he tell people about my blog?  I do not use my married name in an effort to “protect” his identity.  I do not use his name in an effort to “protect” his identity.  I find myself amazed that he would tell people my name and tell them about my blog.  The only explanation that I can come up with is Narcissism.  He gains his Narcissistic Supply by believing that I am obsessed with him.  Ironic that I needed jumper cables today to recharge my car battery and he needs jumper cables to drain humans in a desperate attempt to recharge his Narcissistic battery.

Let’s take another step back into reality for a moment:

The purpose of my blog is not to talk about my X husband.  The purpose of my blog is to journal my personal experience while helping others who are dealing with a Narcissist or psychopath.  I am focused on documenting my battle in hopes of bringing change to the family court system.  I am focused on shining a light on the dark world of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  Despite what the X believes, my blog isn’t about him.  Ironically, he is helping me to spread the word about my blog and about Narcissistic Personality Disorder to the very people who need the information- his victims.

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8 Responses

  1. They really can’t help themselves. They truly don’t understand a reality where the sun does not rise out of their arse each morning.

    Excuse the language, but really.

    My husband threatened to rip out my throat with his teeth, then announced I was blowing it out of proportion. Keep in mind this is the same man who once punched his fist through a brick wall–and brags about it. He has actually made such a scene a franchise restaurant barred him from coming back.

    The sense of entitlement boggles the mind.

    Multiple people have now come to me, telling me how much he and the affair partner are fighting. I’m not asking for this information; they are simply volunteering it. Although, really? Two people who could not stay faithful to their spouses are struggling to maintain a committed relationship? Who ever would have thought?

    I am, however, getting sick of the juvenile attempts to undermine my ability to feed and shelter our daughter.

  2. And thankfully you do post your experiences, Tina!
    Constantly having to deal with an Ex N knows that you need a continual vent and support.
    Keep up the battle please!

  3. when i left him i knew nothing about narcassists !mine stole my truck,smashed everything,burnt it,stole things,barracaded our yard and yes video taped me.the list goes on and on.I need to get out hopefully soon my divorce will be done,im living at my sisters with 2 of my daughters,the ex has another one he kept after a vist.

  4. It truly is a never ending battle with these people. My ex is always so wound up about how much money I have, how my husband is “rich”. He also says things in front of the kids about court and things that are obviously not appropriate to say in front of kids to their other parent.
    Like always, its just about me me me me me, never the kids.
    I’ve been so grateful to have found your blog, and never once did I think it was about your ex – but that it really was just about YOU and YOUR journey through this maze to best protect yourself and your girls.
    If my ex ever found mine, I know he’d react the same way.
    Keep up the good work 🙂

  5. Heather, I too am having difficulty providing for my children since I now pay spousal support to a deadbeat.

    Tina, Whatever it takes. If he wants to help spread the word and make you and your plight more public, good. Funny about wanting to subpoena your fiance’s earnings. He should recognize that your fiance is more of a provider than he is to his own children. At the very least he is providing them with the vision of a stable man in a stable, respectful relationship with their mother. So frustrating but all the argument in the world won’t change who they are or their view of the world around them.

  6. I can relate so much. My ex is always accusing me of spying on him. In reality, I am still gut punched when people tell me things about him. I think that they think that I will laugh about his stupid decisions. I don’t. Each poor choice is a reminder of all of the dreams that were lost. A reminder that the man that I loved doesn’t exist. A reminder that I am stuck in this hell.

  7. Stronger,

    That is exactly my struggle too. Now he’s on a new ‘we are such great coparents’ kick.

    Meanwhile, I’m going, “In what alternate reality?” Every time I have to say no to one of his crackpot demented ideas, I spend days in a terrified fog that he’s going to break down the door. AGAIN.