Divorcing a Narcissist: Ex Parte # (I’ve Lost Count)

Divorcing a Narcissist: Ex Parte # (I’ve Lost Count)

I’ve lost count how many times we’ve been to court.

In 2012, my X has only had a total of 22 unsupervised visits with the children (6 hours each visit) and the amount of damage that has happened during that time is almost hard to grasp.  Upon return from the visits, my youngest daughter has nightmares for several days and has now regressed in potty training- during the day and at night.  Let me remind you that she is 5 years old and was originally potty trained at the age of 2.  She has had countless periods of regression all centered around visitation issues.  There is nothing more frustrating in this world than to watch your children suffer emotionally and have no power to fix it because you are at the mercy of the Family Court System.

Why another ex parte hearing?  My X has been taking the phone from my daughter during visits which is against the court order.  I have picked the girls up several times and they were visibly shaken only to have him hand me their phone from the front seat of his car.  He tells then that using the phone is illegal to use while he is driving.  I was picking my daughters up from school this past week and another mother mentioned something that she overheard my daughters talking about at a play date.  My oldest daughter said, “My dad is mean.  Last week, he was pretending to be a scary bear and (my sister) was crying”.

I asked the girls about the incident after school and they verified the story.  While they were driving, he got a mean look on his face and kept swiping his hand back at them pretending to be a scary bear (while driving a moving vehichle, mind you).  He wouldn’t stop even thought they begged him over and over again to quit.  This resulted in my youngest daughter crying hysterically.  During this episode he had their phone again and they were unable to call me for help.

The court order states that the phone is to be fully charged and in their possession at all times.  He admitted to the girls’ attorney that he takes the phone from them.  He put it in writing last week (email to me) that the girls were no longer permitted to carry the phone with them.  He said that they could use his phone if they needed to call me and cited the GPS feature as the reason why they aren’t allowed to carry the phone.  Last I checked, he wasn’t allowed to override a Judge’s orders but in the mind of a Narcissist, he does carry that power.

After receiving his email on Thursday night in which he decided to override a court order, I stayed up late preparing my ex parte paperwork and filed everything on Friday afternoon.  Based on the above issues and a slew of others (which I will write about after the hearing), I am asking for supervised visits to be reinstated.

I could use a mountain of prayers, positive thoughts and pixy dust.  Thank God the first day of Fall was this past weekend because I am putting on my favorite, “I mean business boots” and I am going to do everything in my power to protect my daughters.

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19 Responses

  1. Just wanted to update you on my court date this morning. He’s filed for custody based on parental alienation because my 4mo son doesn’t take a bottle. Sometimes, it feels like a nightmare I can’t wake up from.

  2. Praying for you Tina and your sweet innocent girls from their nightmare. I have to tell you everytime I receive an email anbout your updates it makes my heart skip for a moment. I can certainly relate to all your emotions. It’s such a roller coaster ride dealing with a sociopath.

    Just keep doing what you’re doing. Your blog is reaching ao many people and encouraging others. It helps me to hear others experiences dealing with narcissists. Your sounds so manipulative and crazy. I keep hoping mine will get bored and eventually go away, but they do love the attention they get from this. Mine also has a crazy family as well, so it’s worse when the have their family enabling them.

  3. The lump in my throat over your girl and the potty training…I am so sorry to hear about that. I am sure that brings its own additional emotional baggage for her to carry 🙁 Wishing you and your girls all the best, sending you all my love and strength Tina.

  4. Lots of positive thoughts and wishes your way…you really do inspire me and I am sure alot of others not to let them continuously behave badly, especially at the expense of our children.

  5. I will def. keep you in my prayers. I know how hard it is to watch your child suffer and feel powerless; it’s brutal. I don’t know you but am sending a hug anyway.

  6. Good lord, you can’t make this stuff up. It’s almost like these freaks think, “OK, how can I damage my kids today?” In my case the court decided parents have the right to do this stuff. I sincerely hope your birthday gift will be to find that they do not.

  7. Dealing with almost the exact same scenario…from regressed potty training to violation of reasonable phone contact. And he has primary. :/

  8. I’ve been thinking about this, its like he’s 7 years old himself and bullying your girls like he’s on the playground with them. maybe somewhere between 7 and 12 is where he’s emotionally stunted. Mine is somewhere around 14 or so.

  9. Pixie dust, good luck and best wishes going to you…how sad to bully your own little girls! How can anyone do that?

  10. This is awful, so sorry that keeps happening. A message to your X and anyone with the capacity to do such horrible things to children-“Beware that you don’t look down on any of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels are always in the presence of my heavenly Father.”(Matt 18:10) Praying protection for the little ones and strength, wisdom and favor for you, Tina and praying that on the receiving end of those “boots” is one swift heavy duty Heavenly kick in the tail for your X.

  11. I have so much on my own N-ex that I believe I could get sole custody and supervised visits. I am just so scared to go forward. I say what if I lose and lose big (my daughter goes to live with him)? Hoping that this next step I take will be the closure my daughter and I need. Sending vibes your way, everyone please send me some as well.

  12. I am sorry you and your girls are going through this. It’s not fair. Hang in there! You’re doing a wonderful job of protecting them as much as you possibly can. They need you to stay strong and confident. Sending lots of good wishes your way…

    I don’t get the family courts. My ex asked for more visitation (which he does nearly constantly), the PC met with our 9 year old daughter who said she did not want to spend more time with her father, and he got Fridays added to his week-ends anyway. Now my daugher is super upset, saying she can’t trust anyone. It’s hard. I asked for a therapist for her, and the PC said she did not need it yet (?!) I try to stay positive but given my experience in family court, I can’t help but roll my eyes when I hear about “the best interest of the child.” Ex plays this charming role in front of the PC and while he slips at times, I can’t tell if the PC notices (I readily do). Or if she does, and it doesn’t really matter at the end of the day.

    I wonder how the teenage years will play out given my ex’s inability to deal with anyone not complying with his every demand…

    My daughter describes him as mean over and over and is afraid of him. Nine more years, huh? Wish family courts were more perceptive.

  13. I can relate. My ex was fighting for custody of my strictly breast fed 2 month old, who is now 17 months, still nursing. He’s won a tremendous amount including name change, 12 hour visits on saturdays and again on Sundays, and overnights at 2. He’s taken me to court 4 times this short year, and I’ve done everything I can think of to protect my baby but the judge continues to side with this madman. It’s sickening. I pray you do better than I did in court.