The Custody Evaluation: Items to Investigate

The Custody Evaluation: Items to Investigate

As many of you know, I was successful in obtaining a new parenting evaluation at our last hearing.   At the hearing, we were each instructed to submit proposed areas of inquiry.  Basically, we were ordered to submit specific items that we would like the Custody Evaluator to focus on.  Obviously, the Commissioner will make the final decision and I am still waiting to hear what he specifies.

I received the documents in the mail from my x specifying his areas of concern.  The four page document is chocked full of lies, exaggerations and manipulations.  It cites “PAS” throughout the entire four page document which is the direction that he’s been going for two years.  Nothing was incredibly shocking to me because by this point, I expect the lies and his repeated attempts to deflect the spotlight.

1. They want my blog looked into heavily.  How does it contribute to “co-parenting”?  How does posting specific details of the Family Law Case contribute to showing Parental Alienation Syndrome? They want to know if my blog posts are done while I have custody of the children.  They want a psychologist to look into the impact my blog has on the emotional health of the children.

I didn’t expect anything less.  They are upset that I am speaking the truth and want to figure out any angle to quiet me down.  For the most part, my story has been written.  Much of what I do at this point is provide updates on my journey, education and exposure on the topic of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, provide support and spotlight other people in this battle.

The emotional damage in this case is significant, I agree with him 100%.  The emotional health of the children is damaged through taping my wedding photo over and calling me T-Rex to the children.  My daughters are not being damaged through my blog.  They don’t know about my blog and they won’t know about my book.  This is just like the songs that I monitor on the radio or the television shows that they are not allowed to watch due to inappropriate content.

If anything, I am overly cautious when it comes to discussing my x with the children.  I would never say anything negative to the girls about their dad- never.

2. According to my x, he would like my extensive vacations to five-start resorts investigated.

Given the fact that the only two vacations that I can remember since our divorce began involved a 3 night Carnival cruise in 2010 and a weekend house rental over the summer in Palm Springs, I hope no one wastes their time digging too deep on this one.  Anyone who has been on a Carnival Cruise can attest that this was not a luxury vacation 😉  

3. Inquiry into whether I have Lupus or Multiple Sclerosis. He even cited a doctor who supposedly diagnosed me with Lupus in 2010.

I will gladly turn over all of my medical records.  I am not sure why x has been so obsessed with thinking that I have Lupus and why it would matter anyway.

4. He falsified stories and requests that I be given an MMPI.  He has made allegations about my childhood and written things about other aspects of my life that were completely fabricated and blatant lies.

I would welcome the opportunity any day of the week.

5. Wants to know if there is any basis for (me) stating in my blog that he is “sick”, “psychopath”, “narcissist”, “sociopath” or “insane”.

I won’t comment on this one.  

6. Wants to know if there is any claims that x is an “alcoholic or is he a normal adult who socially drinks alcohol in moderation”.

I am going to leave this one alone also.  

I go back and forth between wondering if he really believes what he writes and questioning if he just writes random things to continue  to muddy the waters.  After reading all of it, my head now feels muddy.

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12 Responses

  1. The only thing that really strikes me about these questions are: Other than bogus PAS claims (because estrangement through bad behavior is NOT alienation)- where is the stuff that pertains to who is a better parent? Notice how he doesn’t ask a single thing that pertains to the girl’s wellbeing (physical AND emotional)?

  2. So his biggest complaint is the blog? The same one that doesn’t identify or disparage him, but is factual and factual?

    If love to know what your concerns are. I’m betting they are focused more on the well being of the girls and less on how he affects your pride 😉

  3. Nothing. There are actually 32 items listed. Five are directed at the blog. One is in regards to the tracking device on the girls phone. I am blamed for potty regression because I have the girls 26 days per month and he only has them in 12 hour increments. He wants the evaluator to watch videos of how much fun the girls have in his care. He has issues with me calling his brother’s wife a Thai bride…he went to the Ukraine to purchase a wife and then ended up in Thailand instead. She did not speak English so he didn’t even know that he was heading to the village for a wedding ceremony because of the language barrier. He actually had to cancel on the second woman that he was scheduled to meet because he didn’t know he was getting married that day! It goes on and on. My head is muddy again…

  4. So he prefers to waste their time (which they will figure out) rather than bring up any valid concerns he has about his girls(because there are none)…should be fun for them!

  5. Very nice. Way for him to focus on the girls.

    The difference between you, of course, is that this blog is focused on the impact of NPD & other Cluster B personality disorders have on spouses, ex-spouses & children, and his document — which is theoretically supposed to be focused on proving why he is stable enough to get more time with the girls.

    I don’t understand why people argue over who is the better parent? (i’m not directing this at you, Tina, just kinda riffing) The only reason not to do joint custody or 50 50 placement is if the children’s best interest is not served by joint custody & 50 50 placement. And if the children’s best interests are not served by this, it seems IMHO a parenting evaluation should be focused on what has changed (the girls’ needs & maturity, schedules, etc) and what has remained the same.

    I can think of a dozen ways your ex would be better served to make his case than attacking his children’s mother. I won’t outline them because I know he reads your blog, but really.

    Its not rocket science to know unfounded accusations without factual basis (like medical conditions) are not (or at least should not) impress a parenting evaluator.

    My Ex announced he wanted to include my diagnosed depression in the court documents. I asked him how exactly he thought my disease (which is under control for more than 15 years now, less several months during pregnancy) when his disease –same diagnosis, same medication, even same dosage– was not having the same impact (no where near the therapy or stability).

    5+ months divorced now, I’m still waiting for his answer.

  6. LOL at the MMPI request. I bet you his attorney suggested it knowing that you would possibly come back with him agreeing to do the same, because this is a test easily manipulated by Narcs. Rolling my eyes. My ex wanted something similar, the judge asked if he was prepared to pay $7000 for this plus the full mental evaluation as well as submit to it himself and he dropped it. Not to mention my ex must have forgotten the fact that I have taken and passed 2 MMPI’s as well as been screened by 3 mental health therapist to have done my surrogacies. They are not the sharpest tools in the shed, are they? I see how none of that pertains to the children’s best interest and well being while in your care. Sigh

  7. He’s just working hard to “muddy” the water in order to make you spend more time and money which gives him more N supply. I’d tell them to look at the FB page themselves and decide for themselves! Let them/him spend the time and money and then if they can find ANYTHING that incriminates him personally you can respond. The more they make you respond the more money you have to spend. I’ve been there and the more money Mr. Wonderful can make you spend defending yourself the better he feels= not what you want!! None of us know who you’re talking about so what does he care!! He only cares about harrassing you and making you spend more money! I’ve spent thousands dealing with this kind of sh&^%t with my ex-Narc. At some point, somewhere a judge is going to see this guy for what he is if that judge bothers to look at the history of the case. I was blessed because the judge I got could see right through Mr. Wonderful after he physcially abused our 5 year old and then was mostly concerned about how she “abused him” because she was “out of control” and he could only defend himself after all. He then tried to say that I was fabricating the abuse charges in order to get the child support, etc. due to me according to the court papers signed by a judge before his child abuse! These people do not believe ANY rules apply to them even when they’ve physically abused their own children! Let the court scrutinize the blog. If they read it, maybe they will finally get it! Pray God it be so.

  8. The medical things he brought up are both diseases that in essence degrade and deform your body. Think about the mother who lost her children here in NC that had breast cancer.

    That very well may be his angle on that one.

  9. Hi Tina,
    He doesn’t think he is lying. He believes his truth. I always tell my kids that their father’s truth is different from our truth. Be careful in reference to your blog. FB posts have gotten my family in “trouble”. The courts don’t like “public” stuff. Also, just because the girls aren’t allowed to view it, or don’t know about it, doesn’t mean someone else won’t share it with them. I value this page and I. personally, don’t think it’s an issue, but the courts might. Be prepared. “Hope for the best, expect the worst”.

  10. I had to re read this. My ex has thrown a lot of dirt at me too. It’s a long list that attacks me on every level. This time do I have a valid drivers license? He does not have one. Amazing. Health? Lord help me if I get sick I suppose I wouldn’t be able to parent if I did.

  11. You are lucky about the medical. My ex does not need to ask about that because he called up my insurance company and used my ss number and got the address changed to his address and then got information from my doctor about my visits in the form of bills which listed procedures done and diagnosis.

    H also discusses things I have said online and stuff I have posted. He is angry because I put pictures of the shack (his house actually a porch wrapped in metal and tarps) on Facebook for my friends to see. He is also angry because I created a post about him and his employer on ripoff report website. Justified because his employer bounced several child support checks when sending them in to dept of revenue.

    He is mad because I posted his ranting voicemails online. He continues to bully and control. Seven years of this is enough. I do not speak to him anymore. He provides no support for our child. Nothing at all. He should have sent something for her rather than buy a fancy phone so he could control and keep me from having proof of contact. Not going to happen.