Divorcing a Narcissist: Another Morning Spent in Court

Divorcing a Narcissist: Another Morning Spent in Court

Today was the arraignment for child support arrears in the tune of $ 35,514.08.

To be honest, I didn’t want to go to court this morning.  It’s not about the money for me- it’s the principal of the matter.  Even as much as he’s done and continues to do: I didn’t want to go and watch this portion because its different.  It’s criminal proceedings and I didn’t want to be there.

I went anyway and his public defender wasn’t prepared so they asked to continue the hearing to the 23rd of this month.  I am still waiting on information that I subpoenaed from a business in the Bay Area regarding financials so continuing was actually fine with me.

My hearing for custody/visitation is on the same day.  There are two additional subpoena’s that I will/may be issuing for witnesses to testify since they aren’t willing to put their testimony in writing.  One woman actually drank two bottles of wine with my x and then he drove my daughters.  She “assumed” he would take a cab until he put the girls in his car and said, “I do this all the time” when she asked him not to drive.  She was willing to tell me all about it- where it happened and details of the night yet refuses to put it in writing.  This one is 100x more frustrating then the Narcissist’s roommate because this one involves my little girls.  Obviously, a subpoena is in order here.

I am now planning my case for October 23rd and will be compiling information, evidence and declarations over the next two weeks.  While I feel good about my case, we all know that it’s like flipping a coin when you actually walk through the doors of that courtroom.  Hoping and praying that this next hearing is the one which will protect my daughters.

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7 Responses

  1. My ex always drives with the kids and while intoxicated. They are older now but while you still have your children my ex was able to make me look like him and take on my character. It is frustrating to say the least. While having the children in his care at his parents house he fell down the basement stairs at 12:30 a.m. and fractures his skull, had to have ear and eye surgery I believe and they must have prescribed new medication because he is thinner. He had taken prosaic and zanax for 30 years with alcohol and now I believe he may be on aderol. The very sad piece is that the children have adapted to his environment. It is so disturbing that they hid his abnormalities in the court process.

  2. When children have been trained to “cover up” for the parent, it has already crossed the line into abuse.

    Take it from the child of an (recovered) alcoholic.

  3. Tina- I follow your blog every day. I have wanted to email you for so long and I have a draft in my email that I haven’t completed. I was 21 when I married a Narc who was 33. 11 of years of marriage and FIVE BOYS later…I fight hard everyday to rebuild. I am in Santa Barbara County. One of the smartest things I ever did was register my CS order with Child Support Services of California. They have a team of lawyers who’s primary job is to go after non-custodial parents who refuse to pay. They will go to court for you, calculate the proper amount, gather official documents and support you in court. They are VERY backlogged. However, THEY write the letters, THEY schedule the court appearances, THEY garnish wages, THEY REVOKE THEIR DRIVER’S LICENSE. Look into it…they are a resource albeit slow moving. (My X is 4 months behind) One of these days I will finish my email to you…in the meantime…ROCK ON. You are doing a great service to us by VALIDATING the abuse and highlighting the dysfunction. I am praying for you!

  4. Part of my brain can’t even comprehend how this woman stood by and let him drive two children while drunk–I would have been on the phone having him pulled over the second he refused to hand over his keys and took off. The rest of my head laments the fact that so much of society adheres so strictly to the “mind your own business/don’t get involved” philosophy 🙁

  5. Tina- first, kudos for your ability to follow through on what’s going on for your girls and to even find people who could be witnesses and asking for their help. It really stinks when people won’t follow through (reminds me of the quote “The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.” Albert Einstein). I know there have been times in my past where I may have noticed something but wasn’t brave enough to follow through and speak up. Even recently, when I noticed a father who seem to be drunk pick up his kids (he smelled of alcohol, but seemed to be functioning fine). I didn’t stop him – but I did follow through from one friend to the other to send a message to the mom. The couple is still together, but it gave her some information she didn’t have previously about how her husband is doing. She was thankful, and thankfully the kids got home safely. Would I do it differently next time? I don’t know.. confronting someone who smells of alcohol as a complete bystander… It’s tough to do even as much as I want to. Now, that said, I have gone to court several times as a witness for another mom I know who’s father has similar traits as mine, and who’s son has threatened to kill himself if he has to go with his dad (the kid is 8). It’s very challenging to deal with these situations.

  6. You are lucky that CA cse works that way. My ex was thousands in arrears, has not paid since May, and the courts suspended my ex’s obligation to pay support – indefinitely. The arrears were at 5 grand last December, he got cs reduced, managed to lose almost a grand when they reduced it back then. We went to court on the 18th of September and the judge suspended it and in the process took another 1200 away when she did. But he still has all his rights, and still tortures me with never ending court cases and action. August of this year HE filed for an RO against me. I wish I could get someone to listen. I am on the were of being homeless with my daughter. I have been looking for a second job for 6 months now.

  7. The postponements are laughable,his lawyer is not prepared,or because he will be reprimanded for nonsupport,but the reality of it is you still have to pay that blood sucking lawyer,HOURLY!Again no one cares except the lawyer who goes back to the office to prepare your bill!