Divorcing a Narcissist: Another Cancelled Visitation

Divorcing a Narcissist: Another Cancelled Visitation

I feel like a broken record.  “The x must notify us 24-hours prior to a visit if he plans to exercise his visitation“.

He usually emails on Thursday or Friday for his Saturday morning visit.  Technically, the notification should be delivered by 11am on Friday.  I notified the girls’ attorney this afternoon that I had not heard from the x and that I planned to wait until 2pm before I officially cancelled the visit.  2pm came and there was still no word from him so I notified him via “Our Family Wizard” that the visitation was officially cancelled.

There is a reason that the courts have made this order.  I am not going to sit around waiting to find out if he is going to show up or not.  I refuse to let him control my world in that way and I am thankful that the order is written so clearly.  In his mind, no one else matters and the world revolves around him.

I am sure that by 11am tomorrow, my telephone will start ringing off the hook with threats of Police, FBI and the entire pack of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

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13 Responses

  1. I wish mine would do this. Instead, he asks for schedule changes after demanding I follow the court order to a T. Then, he tells everyone how uncooperative I am when I won’t change it. “Sorry, we have to cancel the baby shower I purposely planned outside my normal visitation time because Europa is so uncooperative.” Enjoy your impromptu weekend, and try not to get too much on pins and needles about impending emails, texts and phone calls. I know that’s easier said than done.

    Hey… Wanna narc-decoded email I got?

  2. Yay for cancelled visits! I too would love for even just one to be cancelled! Mine does just as Europa’s and asks for countless schedule changes. Hes asked for 30 in a year, I’ve given him all but 2. I’ve asked for 5 for only the most important events. My last request to reschedule a 3 hour visit was met with a scathing letter from the narc’s lawyer informing me I would be arrested if the baby was not ready for the visit. I gave in and cancelled my plans. Isn’t bullying illegal 🙂

  3. After a certain amount of time have you had any success in lowering visitation to the percentage that he is actually making? For example, let’s say he has 20% visitation right now but he is only making 10% . . . have you taken him to court to lower it to the 10% or will that be covered in this next hearing you have set up?

    I ask because this is the next step I am taking and am interested in how it has gone for you and others if you’ve done it as I prepare to meet with an attorney next week. I’m hopeful this will make it to where the more he misses, regardless of how much he badgers me for make up time (we have no clause in our stip that i have to make it up at all, but I make a good faith effort to reschedule some) the more relieved I will be that he misses instead of feeling so bad for the kids. Of course he blames it on work, but we both know it is not work when he calls from his gf’s and my kids ask why they hear kids lol.

    I hope you have a lovely weekend, can you turn off your emails from him specifically for the weekend or block his emails to your personal email and only deal with Our Family Wizard communications to make your weekend more enjoyable?

  4. Yes and no. He started with quite a bit of time (weekends) but being flaky (documented) and eventually lying about where the girls were during visits did him in.

  5. Oh, how they do go on. Mine started showing up at my house with the police when returning our daughter. Looking back on it, I see that I was supposed to get upset and flip out thereby scaring our daughter and the policeman could write it all up in a report that narc could use n court to ask for full custody. I filed a restraining order. Since that didn’t work, he encouraged the snarky disrespectful behavior our daughter picked up as a teen. When she got REALLY out of hand, he thought I would hit her (I have tremendous self control) and that they could then file a restraining order against me. That didn’t work either. Now Dick Dastardly and Mutley are at his house wondering why I am not calling and begging them to talk to me. So much melodrama!

  6. This is good to hear. Mine has friday to saturday (2 a month) and the overnights are freaking the children out 6 months later still. Mine is also lying about where he is and does not have a home setting for the kids (he crashes with friends who are single and it is not kid friendly and the kids said people are constantly coming and going and they can’t sleep because they dont feel safe). I’m hoping we can eliminate overnights all together for the kids comfort and peace of mind and eliminate friday afternoons as they are exhausted by then and he’s missed most. I’m just so tentative to open up for him asking for MORE time, even though rationally I know he wont get it because he has missed literally half (all documented via emails and a personal log/journal i keep) his visitation so far.

    Thanks for the hope!

  7. I’m sort of curious, as I was blind-sided and lost out … but ended up as the non-custodial parent via decree after requesting joint with no disagreement … we had no written stuff, just the “standard” decree. I am guessing the “prior notification” is because they would fail to show and/or change times and plans? I just never heard of having to verify visitation ahead of time and am wondering? He would refuse to allow me to have the children … a nightmare of two many years … and all of my complaints to the Court, in “non-standard” form basically were ignored. But at least the complaints are part of the Court record and I am putting together all the documentation that will show my daughters that I really did not “desert” them (as they feel and were told); although I know my actions hurt them, I was just totally out-manipulated without knowing there was “a game” going on, with two even more pliable and valuable “meal tickets” at stake.

  8. Why our court system can’t get a clue of this sort of behavior makes no sense at all to me and I’m sure many others.
    In the mean time….the children are ones that suffer the most from these power and control freaks. I am so proud of you Tina! I see great woman taking control back! Thank You!

  9. The crazy part is that he is pretending that he doesn’t know about the cancelled visit. So he will begin calling the Ninja Turtles anytime now….

  10. My daughter was staying with him for full weekends, some holidays and half the summer in a contraption that has been fondly called ‘The Shack.’ To explain the shack – it was the porch that was left behind when the mortgage company repossessed the mobile home he had. He tacked tarps and sheets of tin around this porch and that is where my daughter had to go to for his visits with her. It took me two visits, plus calls to our governor before the state would step in – and even then it took pulling teeth and they charged me with abuse/neglect too! That got me a bill for a lawyer that I cannot afford because he pays no child support (now with the court’s blessing as of two weeks ago). Now he has a camper on the property and that is where she sleeps when she goes out there. This is a small pickup sized camper that sleeps four. She is developing and he thinks it is OK for her to be sleeping with him? I am soooo done with the courts. Almost eight years and counting. Have almost seven more to go. And I am counting the days until I can tell him exactly what I think. Or maybe not. Very frustrated right now. Falling into a severe financial hole and no end in sight. Been looking for a second job, I have been holding garage sales every Sunday, babysitting, playing taxi for people and more. Ugggh. ….

  11. What I have come to realize having been through what I have been reading is that..this is a “good old boys club”the court system does not care about children,nor does it care about the out come of the whole process of divorce or child custody,it is all about the lawyers making money.The guardian ad litem,the court appointed therapist,they are paid by the state,and they have there on practice,or are in a practice,so it a win win for them!I think what needs to be changed(especially in New york,and probably in most states) is the FINANCIAL part of divorce,just because WE chose for one parent to be a stay at home parent,doesn’t give the COURT the right to discriminate financially against to parent who stayed home for years to raise children..but they do,and again it directly affects children!(A note about a guardian ad litem)they are a joke in Westchester Co.NY,especially one by the name of JOAN SALWIN,from Scarsdale,Ny, she is also a lawyer who has got to be the WORST divorce and child custody lawyer I have ever known.Anyone looking to hire her..YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!