Divorcing a Narcissist: Supervised Visits and the Narc Decoder

Divorcing a Narcissist: Supervised Visits and the Narc Decoder

brokenby Tina Swithin

On July 10th, the Family Court System did it’s job: they acted in the best interest of my children. It took four long years of documenting, sleepless nights, harassment and abuse but they finally got it right.

When I heard the Commissioner say, “Final custody orders: Supervised Visits,” I immediately knew that Seth would never comply. His ego can’t handle being supervised. He can’t handle the fact that people who are “beneath him” would know his true colors. As the Commissioner handed down the orders for supervised visits, he also added that the agency in charge of supervising Seth would have full access to the confidential custody evaluation. This meant that Seth had no chance in hell of manipulating the supervising agency because they would know every mind boggling detail about his world and what he has done to my daughters.

It’s been 5 1/2 weeks and he hasn’t bothered to set up visits. I predicted this from the moment we left court.

Phone Calls: Previously, there was a court order in place for phone calls every other night. Seth stuck to this order whenever court dates were approaching however, his normal pattern of calling was every 5 to 7 days. The new custody orders did not mention phone calls at all and according to my attorney, the new order overrode all previous orders. Within days of court, the phone calls began…not 5-7 days apart but every. single. night. Sometimes, two or three times per night. He lost control and is unable to cope.

I bought the girls a cell phone specifically for phone calls to/from Seth because I was tired of him calling my phone multiple times each night. He began calling the girls’ cell phone and they refused to answer. Piper started pushing “ignore” in the beginning and now, she has turned the phone onto “silent mode” because she simply does not want to talk to him. They no longer have to bear his wrath on the weekends and they are feeling empowered. Acting upon the advice of my attorney, I was told to facilitate some type of phone contact between Seth and the girls so I approached Piper and Sarah with a proposal of once-per-week phone calls -they agreed.

Seth is unable to cope with the loss of control and began sending me harassing texts such as the one below:

I am calling every other day to talk to my daughters as the court order states. That’s my right as their father Ms. Blogger Queen. Oh my Lupus Queen as you lied to the courts about having MS.

When processed through the Narc Decoder, this is what Seth’s text message means:

“I am mentally spiraling out of control and can not handle the loss of power that I am currently experiencing. For this reason, I am repeatedly calling to gain a morsel of control over the three of you.

I am so ANGRY that your blog has become successful and that you’ve continued to excel in life. I spent so many years trying to break you down- how dare you rebuild your life and your self esteem!

I know that a Harvard educated doctor and the lead Doctor at an MS facility have both diagnosed you with Multiple Sclerosis however, I prefer the diagnosis of Lupus because while doing Google searches, I found that psychosis is a symptom of Lupus. That diagnosis allows me to project my own psychosis onto you. I continuously throw this little diagnosis into emails and text messages because I remember how upset it made you back in 2011 when I first brought it up. Obviously, that was before you understood Cluster B personality disorders. I am so frustrated that I am no longer able to get you riled up. How DARE YOU see through me and my 6-year old mind games.”

Seth’s phone is now blocked and he cannot call nor can he send text messages to my phone. The girls have their own phone and they are welcomed to call their father anytime the choose. They are also in control of when they answer their phone.

They are finally empowered.


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Seeking insight, encouragement and advice while divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s book, Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle” is available on Amazon or through Barnes & Noble. Learn how to set boundaries and see the narcissist for who he/she really is. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

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