Bewildered by this Screwed up System: Part 2

Bewildered by this Screwed up System: Part 2

todayMy youngest daughter’s personality changed a lot in 2011.  My once my spunky little girl with an attitude became shy and withdrawn.  Around that same time she began regressing in potty training.  At that time, she was 4.5 years old and had been potty trained for over two years.  Weeks after an overnight visit with their father, the girls admitted that he had threatened to make my youngest daughter, Sarah sleep in a dark, scary parking structure alone.  See blog post “A Monster in the parking structure.”

Last night during dinner, Sarah piped up and said, “Mom, I told the police lady that dad said I would have to sleep in a parking structure and she said that he was probably kidding.  Her dad used to tell her that he would never feed her again if she didn’t eat her vegetables. Mom- he wasn’t kidding when he said that– he was mean!

I could barely sleep last night.  I am FURIOUS.  This little girl with a golden heart and angelic smile is SO shy and withdrawn.  She has finally worked up the courage to tell her therapist this story and now she used her voice to tell someone who was supposed to help her- a police officer.  A police officer failed her miserably. A police officer overstepped her bounds and acted in a role that was beyond her scope of expertise. My daughter’s therapist agrees that this interaction took my daughter backwards so many steps.

To make matters worse, I discovered that I was lied to by the police officers. The first officer told me that my daughter claimed she wanted to go to Sunday’s visit. My daughters stated that the officer told them they had to go on the Sunday visit if they choose to skip the Saturday visit and assured them that they would be fine.

To add insult to injury, the officers never showed up to oversee the custody exchange as they promised my daughters. Thankfully, I hired a private detective to tail Seth and the girls for six hours to ensure their safety. \

My heart hurts for my children.  My heart hurts for all of our children who are being failed by this screwed up system.


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8 Responses

  1. Sad part is many of those who go into law inforcement, legal or psychological fields have become callous to very real situations or moreso, come out of sick families or even worse, are pathological themselves. Feels like a coven that has circled around the pathological N many times. Praying for you!

  2. Just horrible. I know all too well horribly cops treat situations like this… often unless it is some kind of grisly scene that will help them reach hero status, they are annoyed with the other points of their job – which is to SERVE and PROTECT. So sorry Tina.

  3. Just when we think things are going smoothly (as smoothly as they can with an N), we get smacked back to reality. I am so sorry that you are feeling this way and going through this. I am too as well. It helps ME knowing that I am not alone and validates for me that I am not crazy feeling the same feelings as you are. I often feel helpless and hopeless because what we expect to protect our children turns out to be another illusion in this horrible nightmare. So, I personally take a day to grieve and then dust myself off and continue the fight. If we do not fight for truth and justice for our children, how would we expect any other entity to. Pamper yourself today. Your feelings are as they should be. Tomorrow is a new day to prepare for battle. He may have won this battle but he will not win the war. {hugs}

  4. It is tough to hear that you and the girls are having to endure this yet again. I have had one of “those” weeks too. It is so hard, fighting a battle not to win but to prevail through the battle, only to do it again, and again. All we can do sometimes is to stand and stand firm for what is right and true and trust God with the rest. Our children not only need that, they deserve it, even if we are the only ones to provide such things for them. For me, when it is difficult to stand alone, I know I have Christ with me. My prayers are the same of Hope and Truth for everyone. Hang in there and trust God to help you protect your precious daughters and to answers the prayers of the faithful. At least He is faithful, just and good, when nothing else seems to be.

  5. Tina, I’m in a brutal divorce with a class-A narcissist. Out of desperation last week I Googled Naricissm and Divorce and found your book. I ordered it immediately and am halfway through your story.
    Thank you for writing this book! I’ve been in absolute hell for the past 3 years, never mind the 8 year marriage, and I also have two daughters who are two years apart and about the same age as yours.

    We have some differences. My ex actually NEVER admitted wrong or apologized throughout our marriage, though several of our stories are mirrors. Unfortunately, he also is quite wealthy and has spend a few hundred thousand fighting me in the Colorado court system with an unethical attorney. Yet his constant lies, distortions, accusing emails, bewildering accusations in the courtroom … I can relate!

    I’ve suffered greatly and my anguish and bewilderment at the ‘system’ matches yours. I look forward to finishing your book and the support if offers.

    Stay strong. As you say, “Survivor not victim.” I’ve already pasted that adage to my computer. Thank you!

    Big hug!
    – Shelley

  6. I really feel for you, Tina. Somehow, the police and social serives have to be on the same page for the good of the kids. Until the investigation is wrapped up, Seth should have supervised visitation only. Keep it up with Child Protective Services. Can’t they intervene in any meaningful way? Of course the girls are going to feel coerced and intimidating talking to police, especially if their fears are discounted.

  7. Tina, what is your relationship with CPS in all this? I thought the trained case workers there, rather than untrained police officers, were supposed to assess risk to children. No doubt you’ve gone that route… I’m just curious about how they are/aren’t responding to this circumstance.

  8. Bill- I spoke to our current caseworker this week. Seth still hasn’t answered her calls– or the calls from the police department who took the report. I believe that they are so accustomed to seeing horrific abuse…that ours doesn’t score high on their radar. Calling the DA’s office today– it sounds like our case made it’s way over there today. Wish me luck!