Divorcing a Narcissist: Request for Order Hearing Tomorrow

Divorcing a Narcissist: Request for Order Hearing Tomorrow

Tomorrow is court.  In my last declaration and request for order, I outlined the current issues at hand: the x is taking the girls’ cell phone which causes them a lot of anxiety, my youngest daughter has regressed in potty training and has frequent nightmares surrounding his visitation.  He is still saying disparaging things about me to the children and he recently acted like a bear until my daughter was in hysterics.

I received the x’s responsive declaration and I instantly began hearing the all-to-familiar twilight zone soundtrack playing in the background as I read his ramblings.  My x’s responsive declaration stated the following:

1. “It is heart-breaking to see that (youngest daughter) is now having nightmares while in (Tina’s/Tina’s fiance’s) home.  Apparently, they wet themselves when they are with Tina and (fiance).  Perhaps (youngest daughter) is uncomfortable in the presence of another father-figure that she does not know living in the house.

My response: First of all, it takes a lot to upset me when it comes to my x and his ridiculous attacks but this one got me.  My initial reaction: How. Dare. He.  (I think that I repeated that ten times).  My fiance and I met in June of 2009 and we have taken our relationship so slowly for the sake of my daughters.  He didn’t even meet the girls for the first six months of our courtship and he was slowly introduced to the girls for an additional year after that.  We were even accused by friends of being overly cautious when it came to the first year and how slowly we took things.

Another father-figure that they don’t know?  This man has sat in hospital rooms with us after my daughter’s seizures, stayed up with me nursing fevers and attended to multiple scraped knees.  He has taken parenting classes to ensure that he is able to back up my parenting style (Love & Logic), he has attended school open houses, stepped in to save the day at a Father Daughter Dance when their own father stood them up and he has taught them to ride bikes.  He has provided the three of us with a sense of stability in so many areas of our lives and the girls love him and respect him a great deal.  He has known my daughters for 3 years and since they are 5.5 and 7.5, I would hardly call him a “father-figure that they don’t know”.

Because my biggest fear is the court buying into his manipulative BS, I approached various members of the community who know (fiance) and the bond that he has with the girls.  I received amazing, solid declarations from my daughter’s teacher, therapist, community members, friends in law enforcement and several others who can attest to the real story.  Given everything that my x has put us through, my fiance has never tried to replace their father but he takes his impending role as their step-father very seriously.  Sadly, he takes his role in their lives more seriously than their own father.  The fact that he really “went there” in his declaration will probably come back to haunt him when the Commissioner reviews everything.  It is my hope that they will see his clearly manipulative ways.

2. My x then included declarations from his parents who have crossed huge lines with me on this round.  Not only have they continued to enable their son in his dysfunction, they have outright lied to the courts. They have put their need to protect their image and their son above the safety and well-being of my daughters.

My response: I put together a very solid case showing exactly who this family is.  They can no longer hide behind their long marriage, their years working in education or their fictitious family image.  I dug through every email that I could find to present a picture that would be hard to argue with.  I can’t imagine the Commissioner giving their statements an ounce of credit after reviewing my documents that I’ve put together on this round.  One of my friends reviewed everything and said, “This is the most solid proof you’ve had to date”. I feel like I’ve finally been successful in showing the sickness that molded my x into the person that he is today.

Tomorrow’s hearing is at 1:30pm and I can use all of the positive thoughts, prayers or pixie dust that you can spare.  I know that several others have court dates tomorrow (Wednesday) or at the end of the week…and I will be sending you the same!

I am hoping that the court will order the following:

1. Supervised visits (it’s a LONG shot, I know).

2. A revised parenting evaluation or psych evaluation.

3. Compromise from #1: decreased visits -dropped to two Saturdays per month from 11am to 5pm.

*** Side Note: His arraignment for contempt of court (child support) is also tomorrow.

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10 Responses

  1. Lots of hugs going your way. Throw some back at me. Long story short I have order or protection hearing today (it will be continued because he is ducking service). He had our child this past weekend, refused to bring her back and is instead trying to lure me out to where he lives(extremely isolated area). He has threatened me twice since order was granted, kept our child away from me, and she has now missed two more days of school. Happy happy joy joy…. keep all this up T. It gives me strength to keep going. Just knowing someone else is out there 🙂

  2. Tina, good luck to you. I’m new to your site, but was told by MEV to contact you. I live in DuPage Co., Il, and because of you and MEV — for the 1st time in 17 years — I feel HOPEFUL. Thank you.

  3. Praying for you and the girls Tina and that the hearing official (judge, commissioner) has wisdom and discernment.

  4. Great strategy. Sending warm prayers and thoughts your way. I understand the fear of the courts buying into their delusions, they are so convincing with their distorted reality! Good luck!

  5. As someone in your husband’s position, my first reaction is just, “Wow.” I am so there. My wife’s X didn’t win this argument around me, either. In fact, one therapist told him his kids were really fortunate to have not just one, but two men looking out for them. Tell your husband to hang in there… it’ll be very worth the investment he’s making now. You know how to reach me if he ever wants to compare notes.

  6. I pray Tina, that the judge will READ all of the facts that you have presented and that you will find favor from this judge and that the judge will have discernment and see through the lies.

  7. Praying for you Tina, really hoping things go your way. You are an inspiration to all of us <3 – MEV

  8. An update… the protection order was extended but they did nothing concerning our child. I filed an emergency pickup order for her and the judge refused it and the courts will contact me through mail. I filed a police report about the custodial interference and the assault. Please send up prayers.