Stalking and Cyberstalking: Resources for Victims

Stalking and Cyberstalking: Resources for Victims

My X has escalated tonight.  It was expected.

Tonight I am researching the laws surrounding stalking and cyberstalking.  Since I’ve started this blog I have followed the mission of Alexis Moore because she is an inspiration to me and many others.  I love stories where people take a stand and refuse to be a victim.  There was a time when I was so beaten down emotionally that I wasn’t able to stand up to my X.  I now have that power and damn, does it feel good!

Why am I researching stalking and cyberstalking?  A beautiful, brave woman in Northern California came forward to help me with my case.  Despite being afraid for her own personal safety, she put my daughter’s well-being first and wrote a declaration about my X husband and the disturbing behaviors that she has seen over the past few years.  Tonight she is feeling the wrath of my X and has been inundated with the same text messages that I receive from him: “You are a terrible human being.  How Dare you!  Karma will treat you…I hope you can’t sleep realizing you’ve damaged children.  You are destined for a lonely life.  How do you sleep?”

The text messages are relentless and frightening.  He knows how to operate within the perimeters.  She sent him a “cease and desist” letter weeks ago– by email and in writing.   He can’t stop himself.

If you are the victim of cyberstalking or any type of stalking, I encourage you to contact Survivor’s in Action for help.

Here are two great resources from their website:

Safety Plan Worksheet for Victims of Stalking or Cyberstalking

Stalking and Cyberstalking Incident Log

I am incredibly grateful for the women who have come forward to help my daughters.  I will do everything in my power to ensure that his harassment stops.  I know what it feels like to be in their shoes because I have lived it for three years.  We all may be showing up together at the DA’s office and demanding that they prosecute him.  Like with many other things, there is power in numbers.  I have advised her to call the police every time he sends her a text message and file a report each time.  Document, document, document.

Do you have additional advice based on experience?  I welcome your comments or insight.

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4 Responses

  1. If there’s even the slightest chance that you’re being stalked, be sure to let someone know where you go, when you should be back, and check in. Be aware of your surroundings in parking lots. My NX was good at sneaking up on me, surprising me with his voice in my ear when I least expected it. Like you said Tina, document, keep copies, forward copies of emails and messages to a close friend who can keep a set “just in case”. I know what it’s like to live scared, big hugs to you.

  2. Where does this fit? To me, it’s mainly a pain in the a$$ and _foolish_ of X.

    Here’s the story: X has always been terrible about knowing appropriate gifts to give to anyone (can’t put himself in another’s shoes, can’t know someone…). Well, starting in 2009, X started giving my boys IDENTICAL gifts for christmas and birthdays. It was confusing. These were specific things that couldn’t be replicated without ….what seemed to be divine intervention. It was downright creepy. After two years of this, my best friend asked me: “You have an ‘’ wishlist, don’t you? And you keep the boys’ lists on there, right?” Yes and yes… “Is it public?” WHAM.

    So…. naive child says to me after we figured this out: “Why don’t you just talk to dad and tell him to stop?” I have to explain rather bluntly, “Well, actually, that’s a form of stalking, and telling a person to stop doing something unlawful and creepy …” ….my son still thinks the best of his dad and doesn’t understand.

    My older son (in college) and I laughed about it, and we tried to make light of it: “I could put lots of nice and expensive things on there, but still things that you need, that I can’t buy…” But then I played with the idea of putting in the ‘notes’ section, “Dear (M), ….[something snarky]….”. But that would enrage him. The kids don’t believe that it would, but I do know better…

    But a part of me feels like, “Okay, I’ve figured it out. And he doesn’t know how to get gifts. Do I ‘abuse’ it and put things that the kids need on the list, or is that just allowing him to stalk?”

    Can I block the list to only him???

    This has been a weird journey. I know he stalks other ways and places, and I just never thought of that—it was a good way for me to keep track of ideas for the boys…


  3. eeek . i fear i may be on the wrong end of this. i have written the same things your ex has written to my childrens father. after he no shows etc. he posted a sexual photo of our then 3 year old on facebook and after that my attorney told me to keep tabs on him via the internet . i fear i would fall into the stalking and harrassment catagory 🙁 i have sent plenty of karmic and how can you live with yourself emails after watching my children cry and hurt . i make no excuses for myself . reading your post has made me question or not whether i am the crazy one 🙁

  4. that said he has been busted out by my children , in front of the entire school in fact when my child said” mommy daddy kept driving past your friends house the other night to see if you were there” and when my son tells me they drove past my car which was on the other side of town at a friends. involving the kids is creepy . i have no desire to know what he is doing unless it is dangerous to my children . he took me in for harrassment and gota restraining order when i went to meet a sitter, after he left our one year old home alone for an hour . but i am definitely guilty of thinking i can find some words that will touch his soul and make him step up for the kids , or that he is just some amazing person living a blessed life and i was just nuts . because that is easier to accept than the reality that he never did or will love them .