A Bittersweet Day in My World: My Co-Worker Started Kindergarten

A Bittersweet Day in My World: My Co-Worker Started Kindergarten

Today is very bittersweet.

Since the day that X and I separated, I have verbalized the following statement to everyone who knows me: “I just have to make it until September of 2012”.  That date marks my youngest daughter’s transition into kindergarten.  There are a lot of reasons why the date was such a big deal in my world.  Much of it had to do with the high cost of preschool.  Due to finances, she’s only been enrolled in preschool on a part-time basis.

There has also been a lot of juggling related to my job and my career.  It has been a very trying few years for us.  I am blessed to do marketing and public relations which allows me the opportunity to work from home but it has been difficult.  My daughter has been my side-kick during the week.  She has been my little co-worker who travels with me to run work errands with a smile on her face.  She patiently waits for me to finish conference calls that are sometimes two hours in duration.  She doesn’t complain but asks me every hour on the hour, “when is (sister) coming home”.  She is my golden-hearted angel who aside from the normal sibling rivalry, doesn’t have a mean bone in her little body.

I took her to Kindergarten orientation yesterday and cried while walking to the orientation and during the principal’s speech about incoming kindergarteners.  I cried as we left the school parking lot while telling her about my first day of kindergarten.  Today was difficult as we drove out of the parking lot and left behind two little girls who were eager for their first day of school.  Watching her hang her backpack on the hook outside of her classroom brought the first few tears.  There have been so many things that were mentally tied into this date that it was quite overwhelming for me.

The positive side of things: I now have five days a week to focus on my career and I don’t have the overwhelming stress of a preschool bill which is due on the 1st day of each month.

The mom/reality side of things: my co-worker has a new job as of today.  I am not greeted with hugs during my conference calls and my house is way too quiet.  I sit here with tears streaming down my face while eagerly anticipating the 2:30pm pick up time.  I’ve wanted this day to come for so long because I’ve been running in “survival mode” but now it is here and I wish that I could push the “stop button”.

Today I am missing my girls.

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12 Responses

  1. I remember when my boys started school…my oldest is going to be a sophomore this year. I cried like a big dork when I dropped him off for his first year at high school last year.
    Seems the older they get the more I wish I could not only push the ‘stop’ button, but I really wish there was a ‘rewind’ button.
    Hugs to you – it’ll get easier 🙂

  2. Oh this made me tear up for you!!! I have found myself constantly saying to myself, “I just have to survive till august 2016” which is when my youngest will begin 1st (we have part day kindergarten here) and I can then return to work and be 100% self sufficient.

    Thank you for the gentle reminder to scoop him up as much as i can and soak up these years I get home with him without the stress of living with an N (something my poor girls never had). I hope their first day is amazing and you settle in to the new routine.

  3. Dearest Tina,
    I am right there with you, rough week with my non supportive, unreliable family(N mother mostly). My 5 year old just started school on Monday. I feel your pain on that issue. With your post, I am sad that you are sad, but I am comforted in my troubles. It was really a relief when my daughter was full of joy over her experience at school, but I have sorely missed her sweet spirit and her presence. My oldest is in 3rd grade and was so excited to start school, such a blessing both of them. One thing that helps me through tough times is allowing their happiness to be the focus. For me, sometimes all these battles with their dad, and others and just the overwhelming defending against what is wrong and while drudging through that very thick mud, trying to do what is right, I get caught up in my own feelings-and then my daughters share a smile, or something is given of God, bits of pieces of who they are or who God is creating them to be for the perfect future and hope HE has planned for them and then I can rest entirely on the peace HE gives. He has the same plans for all of us. Sometimes I even see a breeze whisper through a small part of a large tree and believe it is a wave from God telling me He is here, never leaving or forsaking, “in his favor is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” This is a bit introspective, but I hope it is comforting. Many blessings and BIG HUGS today.

  4. Oh my gosh, I can relate. It goes by so fast. My oldest starts high school. I haven’t been sleeping, and part of it is fear that when I wake up it will be time to take him to college. Things were so difficult in my marriage, and now in my divorce. I spend so much time waiting for certain dates for things to get better. I wish I could go back and change it all. I would do my best to ignore my grief and relish in their joy. They are my life and my sunshine.
    Good luck today! You have a huge blessing coming at 2:30 when she tells you about all of the wonderful things that she did today. I love those moments.

  5. Thanks, Stacey. This morning she told me, “Mom, I’m kinda nervous. Can you stay for a few minutes?”. At least I felt “needed” again 🙂

    Today was much easier– no tears.

  6. Yes. That is one thing that I really regret. I was so focused on the dates…I need to remember to practice what I preach: live in the moment! 🙂

  7. Absolutely comforting and the reminder that I needed. As always, thank you, M!!! Hugs to you! T

  8. Yes! She was SO excited yesterday when I picked her up. She did a self-portrait on her first day and she drew three or four hearts on her chest. She said, “That’s because I am full of love”. Love that little girl! 😉

  9. When I first read this, I had to force myself to refrain from replying: I was packing up my oldest son to take him to college. And, like you, I’ve had a date in mind, one when the x can’t get to him anymore.

    [shoot, it’s still too emotional to write about]

    Anyhow, to you Tina: you’re a great Mom, and I’m happy for you and your girls that you’ve made it through moments and to milestones. <3