This is a topic that I’ve personally struggled with because money was always held over my head by my X in a sick and twisted way. If the business was doing well, he took the credit. If the business was failing, it was my fault because I was the one who wanted to start the business in the first place. Prior to having children, I worked between 60-110 hours per week at our business. If you ask for his opinion, I was a couch potato who ate Doritos all day while keeping up to date on the latest episode of Days of Our Lives (Reality Check: I don’t like Doritos, sitting on the couch or soap operas).
When I found out last June that my X got fired from his job, I was sure that my world was going to crumble around me. Everything that he ever held over my head was going to come true and he was going to gloat about it. In actuality, the world didn’t end. I was forced to make a few changes such as changing my youngest daughter to a different preschool, pulling back on their activities (ballet, gymnastics and other fun events) and a few other things. He was able to keep his lifestyle of a luxury condo complete with 24-concierge and he bought a brand new car during this time. He has also been able to keep up his nightlife commitments which involve a lot of alcohol. This favorite past-time resulted in a recent DUI with a pretty hefty price tag and a very expensive defense attorney.
In a strange way, the past ten months of not receiving child support taught me that I can stand on my feet without his help. It proved that he was wrong. The worst part is that it affected my children and changed their lives. In his distorted mind, he is withholding it from me and hurting me. In reality, he is withholding it from them and hurting them. The money that he is ordered to pay is for our daughters and therefore, it is up to me to fight that battle for them. As someone on my blog recently said, “the courts can’t force him to be a great dad but they can force him to financially provide for his children”.
After not receiving a penny in March, I pulled up the account online last night and discovered that his new child support arrears is currently sitting at $31,697.44. I notified him in writing that moving forward, I will be holding him accountable each month. Today I am filling out an Order to Show Cause and Affidavit for Contempt and will be filing with the court house tomorrow morning. If it takes a court date each and every month to hold him accountable and enforce the consequences of not paying, that is what I will do.