Divorcing a Narcissist

Divorcing a Narcissist

This week, Narcissistic Personality Disorder has been in the spotlight when Christie Brinkley said a handful of simple words on the Today Show, “Google: Divorcing a Narcissist”.  While the interview itself still angers me to my very core, I am thankful that people across the world are learning about this topic and becoming educated on Narcissism.  I thank Christie Brinkley for bringing this issue forward with such class and strength.

This blog has given me so much healing and I am happy that it has begun to help other people.  In the words of my little brother, “It’s so amazing how God can turn such a crazy situation into such a blessing for others”.  I receive many emails from women around the world who find themselves in the midst of this battle (divorcing a narcissist).  I’ve had the privileged to meet with several from my own area and it is such an honor to be able to encourage them in their own journey.  Due to this topic receiving such great attention over the past week, I have even received emails from women in other countries.  Once such email came through this morning from the United Kingdom and was especially touching for me to read.  While I can’t share the email, I can share my response to the writer because it actually applies to anyone who is trying to stay sane while divorcing a narcissist.

Dear __(Fill in Your Name)___,

Originally, my blog was created as a way for me to heal.  The same type of healing and peace that “journaling” gives a person.  It has served its purpose ten-fold and has healed me more in four months than I received in two years of therapy.  I have been able to re-live the experiences and the emotions – and then let them go.  I have received insight into my own role and the confidence that I will never repeat this pattern. 

At this point, much of my own healing is done and I continue the blog because of emails just like yours.  Living with a Narcissist makes one question their own sanity and I know this from personal experience.  It took two therapists to say the word, “Narcissist” for me to actually research this disorder.  Being able to accept my reality and understand it rather than playing the constant victim was incredibly empowering.  It also allows me to stay ahead of him because I know what is right around the corner the majority of the time.  I can predict his emails, text messages and behavior in advance which helps tremendously.  My goal is to give other women hope and to let them know—you aren’t the problem; he is.   

It isn’t an easy journey and I encourage you to arm yourself with knowledge.  The more you know and understand, the easier it is to deal with.  Thank you SO much for reaching out to me!  

Praying for you and sending you love– Tina     

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My advice to you:

  • Arm yourself with knowledge.
  • Stay safe and cautious – you are in battle with a scary person.
  • Get help- for yourself and your children.
  • Surround yourself with positive people and family members who can be your support system.
  • Do NOT engage.  At all.  Keep all correspondence very business-like: zero emotions.



4 Responses

  1. Very thoughtful response, Tina. I hope she finds the help she and many of us like her need. We clearly can’t be expected to do this alone. The insidious nature of the abuse is comparable to torture, in my opinion. I will do my part and keep sharing your blog post through my tweets and references in my postings. 🙂

  2. Thank you, Paula! You are amazing and inspirational. Happy to have connected with you– one of the positives through the craziness.

    PS Did you see that I shared your CBrinkley blog on the Today Show wall? 🙂 It was great.

  3. Please google “Horror in Carver County, MN” My divorce case #19-F1-05-13968 in Dakota County, MN is just as horrific as the one in Carver county and equal in horror to the things on this website. I couldn’t do what you advise for keeping myself safe and surround myself with positive people. My now x-husband got my mom, dad, brother and sister, friends new and old, relatives, neighbors on his side very, very fast, in fact I think he was working on it before I filed for divorce. I think he was working on it and then he started things in motion by removing my name from the joint bank accounts and i was a stay at home mom. My now x-husband got my 3 kids, my family, friends, relatives, neighbors on his side which has made me physically sick and I haven’t spoken with any of them since 2005 for they aren’t making sense. I don’t know what he told them all but they all knew he was having psychological problems and on medication before I started my divorce and that his family has a family history of schizophrenia. My divorce case will make you physically ill. But I will share a few of the highlights. I was in an abused womens shelter with my 3 children at the time of my temporary relief hearing and my neighbor whom lived 11 doors away from me and the judge in my divorce verbally court ordered me to take my 3 kids out of the abused womens shelter and give them back to my x and bring them home to him. My lawyer and the advocate at the abused womens shelter told me to do it or I could go to jail or be held in contempt. I was in shock already from my family hanging out with my future x husband and taking his side and it ripped my heart out to be forced to give my kids to my husband the monster but I did. I stayed at the abused womens shelter though, but I couldn’t protect my own kids because of the judges verbal order. In 2009 I found out that I did not have to obey any judges order unless it was in writing but then that doesn’t explain why my lawyer at the time didn’t tell me that nor the abused womens shelter advocate. I was a stay at home mom for 12 years and I have a Bachelor of Science Degree in Elementary Education for grades K-6 from 1991 until 2010. My now x-husband got sole legal and physically custody of all 3 of my kids. I have never done anything to them but love my kids more than life and take care of them from birth til 2006 when my divorce was final. I don’t do drugs, steal, lie, I’ve never done anything to have my kids taken away from me. I started my divorce in 2005 June and the first final divorce decree came out March 2006 and then there was an amended decree and a second amended decree after that. I have not seen my kids since Oct. 2007, over 4 1/2years. The last court order is from about Oct. 2008 and it says that I have to be psychologically evaluated again (this would be the third time)it would need to be deemed that having contact with my kids is important by the guardian ad litem, then I could visit my children at a child safety center of his choosing and I would have to pay 1/2 the costs when I’ve never done anything to my kids to warrant this, I’ve never abused my kids or mistreated them or anything. Well I’ve lost my 3 kids, family, friends, relative, heighbors i had, my house, my cat (my x abused my cat and got my middle son to cut the whiskers off the cat)my money, jobs I grabbed during and after divorce proceedings, my personnal belongings, my van, etc… I lost everyone in my life and every thing and was thrown out on the street with no access to marital monies and alone. I can’t comprehend the things that have happened to me since I filed to divorce a narccicistic, passive-aggressive, pathological liar, psycho of a now x-husband. I can’t fathom the heinous lies, crimes against me.