Drained

Drained

Empty.

Drained.

That is how I feel.

Two court dates within three days is too much for anyone.  I came home this afternoon and slept for an hour– one of those deep sleeps where you don’t even know your name or who you are upon waking.

I sat in court from 8am until 11:30am when our case was finally called.  The Judge puts our case off until the very end because it always takes longer than the “normal” cases in front of us.

Today’s court date was focused on child support.  I was prepared and had done a bit of research.  I was ready to throw out a couple of unexpected “facts” that I knew without giving him time to prepare.  He has a new strategy to deal with court– he doesn’t show up– he calls in.  Even the best liars don’t do well in a court of law when the judge sees through them.  He finds some comfort in the security of a phone and creating that distance between himself, the judge and the courtroom.

He was the one to set the hearing and his goal was to drop his support while he found a job.

In school, math was my worst subject and I’ve been trying to solve a particular math problem to no avail:

“X” only worked for two of the past eight months and paid less than $1,500 in child support during that time.

During the unemployment, he’s managed to spend $16k on rent ($2 thousand per month) and purchase a brand new car which cost between 17 and 20 K.  The money listed on his expense declaration in June of 2011 showed that he had $7k in his bank account and the current expense declaration showed less than 1k in his bank account.

Something doesn’t add up here.

The judge agreed that I had a good point and asked him to explain.

His answer: “my mom and my roommate cover my expenses”.

The judge’s response: “So, your mom and your roommate are running around paying your rent and buying you cars to keep you in this luxury lifestyle yet no one is paying your child support for you?”.

Silence and then more talking in circles which is what he does when he’s caught lying.

He claims to have a job then backtracks a bit.  He claims to have a job “offer” and a start date of February 15, 2012.  He stated the name of the company, the address and the salary he will be making which will allow Child Support Services to promptly serve his employer with wage assignment paperwork.

The problem: unless I hire a private investigator to get to the bottom of these issues, it’s my word against his.  I know that his mom is not covering his expenses and I find it bizarre (at best) that his roommate would be.

As I said to the judge, “I will believe it when I see it”.


6 Responses

  1. My heart aches for you. I live this everyday. No matter what proof I show the courts he always dances around it and puts on such a show that everyone forgets what the truth looks like.
    The truth looks like my little girls going without, while Dad gets a big wedding, a two week honeymoon in Hawaii, and a new house. He told daughter 1 that she can have his old car as he is getting a new one.
    His attorney also does not show up to scheduled court hearings instead calls in with an “emergency” I have to pay my attorney double and never get the cost back in a $250.00 sanction.
    The courts don’t keep track of all the shenanigans [so many I can’t afford an attorney any longer] they do, so I can never explain what has happened in the 5 minutes I get to talk. I would love to walk away from it all and never look back but that just puts more of a financial strain on me and that trickles down to nothing for my girls.
    To the few in his circle he puts on the air of “I love my girls, I am a great dad” I want to wretch as I hear about him parading them around as if to say “Look how awesome my girls are, I must be awesome too!” No one knows he never spent a second with them that wasn’t forced by me. He has never even been to daughter 2’s school. If I said that in court papers he would say “ya I did” but would not explain that it was in 2006 when daughter 1 attended there. All his motions are half lies and truths, and lies by omission. He has an excellent, ruthless, unethical attorney. Why anyone who claims to “love those girls” would do this to them or their mother is beyond me. I can prove all of his perjuries and still it does not matter in FC. Family Court is really a big Liar’s Club. I lose because I don’t lie. It is sick. What is sicker still is that he gets away with it and has for several years. I keep praying for an end to this, I keep telling myself it will get better. I have a long way to go until I am free, if I ever am. Hope you don’t mind me sharing [venting]. I love your site. Nice to know I am not alone. I wish you success and happiness in your future.

  2. I’m so very sorry for what you continue to go through… the “system” is just deplorable. You have to reach deep deep deep to overcome what must be a sense of rage, helplessness and utter frustration. I wish there was a special place for people like your x – it’s disgusting that no one is holding him accountable ( except you) keep up the amazing work.
    XO

  3. I admire your tenacity and dedication to getting what is rightfully yours, support for your children. Keep up the good fight. I want to read more of your interesting stories. I also have gone to court self represented to deal with my divorce issues. My ex also burned through $100,000 in one year while not paying any support or working…very disturbing. Good job, Tina.