Going to Battle for my Daughters: Court Tomorrow

Going to Battle for my Daughters: Court Tomorrow

I sit here watching my little “Peach” while she plays at the park.  I am working on my laptop and she is pushing the merry-go-round.  She yelled over her shoulder, “Love you, Mom” and my heart melted.   Tears filled my eyes which seems to be a reoccurring issue this morning.

I have so many mixed emotions right now.  I feel like tomorrow could be the day that I get what I’ve been asking for: supervised visitation.

I picked up a statement this morning from my daughter’s therapist and was overwhelmed with emotions.  I knew the basis of what she was going to say but to actually read it in writing…well…it hurt.  Badly.

I felt physically ill when I read it.  She spoke of the confusion and anxiety that my daughter expressed while talking about her father hitting her and the photo of me that is covered in blue taped at his home.  She addressed the issue of her father berating me in her presence and the effect it is having on her.

She is a six-year old little girl who should be consumed with how fast she can push the merry-go-round yet she is carrying burdens that only an adult is equipped to deal with.

Why do I have mixed emotions?  In my naive heart of hearts, I have always held out hope that he would pull himself together.  That he would hit rock bottom and realize what he has done.  That he would see the two amazing little girls in front of him and choose to do the right thing.  I hoped that he would stop seeing them as possessions.

I hoped that he would be their dad.

I’ve lost that hope.  I don’t think that he is healthy enough to be a dad and I don’t hold out the hope that he can in the future.  I have to let all of that go.  Some parts of the anger and hatred is slowly turning to pity for him– that he is too mentally damaged to see what he is doing and what he has done in the past few years.

I received a card from my church this morning.  I had asked them to pray for me after last week’s service on forgiveness.  The card said, “May you always have the courage to set boundaries and do whatever it takes to protect your daughters.  God will give you great strength and boldness.”   I needed to hear that message today above all others.  Fighting to protect my daughters is what I am supposed to do–it’s my job is as their mother.

Last night I stayed up late completing my court declaration and I filed all of the paperwork this morning.  In that paperwork, I have spoken from my heart– not out of anger or hatred but as a mother who is doing what she is supposed to do.

Now, it is in the hands of the court and God.

Please say a prayer…send good thoughts…sprinkle pixie dust or whatever you feel comfortable with.

We could use it right now.

13 Responses

  1. Sending positive thoughts your way! Go get ’em and do what you know is best. Remember, nice gets you nowhere, this isn’t about you being “mean” it’s about you standing up for your daughters. You are their advocate.

  2. Good luck in so many ways. You are one of the beacons of hope for the rest of us who have not made so much progress… We hope to follow in your footsteps very soon…love to you and yours…

  3. I think one of the greatest things about being a mom is the strength it gives you to do things you never thought you would have to do and the courage to do what you wish you didn’t have to.

    For your girls’ sake, I do hope your ex-husband realizes what he is losing and pulls it together. But until that day, they are very lucky to have you fighting for them to make things better for them 🙂

    Good luck!

  4. I am praying for you! I just read a more recent post that the judge ordered no visits for now. You must be so relieved!

    I have court Feb. 2nd for contested visitation. I have to fly from New England to VA in one day, have my baby stay with my mom for the day (so she has to take the day off of work) … it is so scary and stressful. I keep coming back to your blog for guidance. All I have for evidence so far is the emergency protective order I obtained when we first separated and an e-mail trail between my soon-to-be ex and myself where he admits that he is not trustworthy, has addictions he needs help for, and then the rest is just my word versus his. I am asking for no overnights at this time and supervised visits with his parents. I am sick over it. My baby is only 16.5 months old. And I am petrified that if my ex gets unsupervised visits that he’ll abduct him and leave the state with him. 🙁

  5. I just came across your blog in search of some guidance because I am going through some similar things. I am not able to afford an attorney anymore and so I am tackling these issues on my own and I am so overwhelmed. Thank you for your blog and good luck to you and your girls! No one should have to deal with such a mess…

  6. Thank you Tina. I am sick to my stomach about hearing that your X has unsupervised visitation and I am sorry that it has been allowed. I have 5 years worth of documentation and paperwork associated with this mess that I have to go through today in preparation for court on Thursday. I had done really well this past week not thinking about court but it is quickly approaching and after reading your latest posts, I don’t feel as confident as I should. Anyway, hang in there and I am hoping that things get much better for you.

  7. I feel for you. It is a nightmare that few people will ever experience or could understand. The ups and downs…the anxiety before court. The thought of a person making a decision with limited info that will ultimately affect your children….it’s horrendous. I will be praying for you on Thursday— and now. Good luck to you— and huge hugs. Tina