Today I found myself standing at a computer in the criminal court division of our local courthouse.  It was an old operating system and it was foreign to me.  I found myself struggling with the computer’s outdated instructions and my frustration must have been apparent to those around me.  An attorney who happened to be waiting in line walked over and offered to help me.  We entered my X’s name into the public computer and several items popped up which were also foreign to me.

The kind attorney looked at the screen and said, “Oooh….someone you know has quite a drinking problem“.

This weekend, I discovered a few things that I didn’t know.  Some I can share now and others I can’t.  The joy (depending on which side you are on) of a small town is that eventually you learn things whether you want to or not.

The Main Discovery:

I discovered that my X has a recent DUI charge on his record from November.  Based on the law, I believe that he is driving my daughters on a suspended license which is my initial concern at the moment.  He had a previous drunk driving on his record from college.  While I don’t agree with drunk driving, I can chalk the first one up to being young and irresponsible.  He also had a previous ‘drunk in public” charge on his record from June of 2010.  I have a hard time understanding or comprehending how a 37-year old, educated man with two young children could be drinking and driving or drunk in public.

Discovery #2:

I also discovered that I am still being called “T-Rex” in front of my children while in his care.  Slight correction– the “nickname” has actually been shortened.  I am now being called, “TR” for short when he is speaking poorly of me to anyone who will listen.  He also instructed my daughters that “what happens when you are with dad stays here” and “if your mother asks what happens when you are with dad then you can tell her that it is none of her business”.  He can’t control himself.  He is damaging my daughters and he simply doesn’t care.

I am frustrated.  Period.

That frustration will be channeled into the mother bear which lives in me.

7 Responses

  1. A pathetic failure of leadership in California. Sacramento never fails protecting endangered snakes ,frogs, minnows or illegal immigrants. X boy should be arrested, prosecuted and jailed for driving with innocent children in his car. He can not possess the required insurance without a valid drivers license. What crimes must he commit before being held accountable ?

  2. There is NO EXCUSE to place not only your daughters and the safety of others in jeopardy! I state this with STRONG conviction as I have friends killed and hurt by drunk drivers. I thought you said he lived in a luxury condo in San Francisco. Get a cab! and if you can’t afford the cab for the night then STAY HOME or how about even better yet, SHOW SOME SELF CONTROL. I have to balk at the supposed “great triathlete” he claims to be. I have friends whom are professional athletes and would never drink in such excess. Just reading this enrages me. Do you know where he received this DUI? Do you know if your daughters were on “his weekend” in which this occurred? Pending where this occurred, if your lucky it WASN’T in SF (they are lenient). You need to realize how dangerous this reality is for you, your daughters and for all us innocent people not driving drunk. If you have not already, consider bringing this information to the forefront in hopes to help him realize the damage he is doing to himself and people around him. Regardless of his actions he still has 2 small daughters which I am sure would also be very sad, hurt and experience tragedy if he were hurt, killed or endanger/kill someone else. You may see him as smart but this is NOT SMART! I have kept up with your blog and this man sounds like he is going through allot mentally and emotionally and needs professional therapy or maybe even psychiatric help.

    Due to my unfortunate experiences with my X I know the court can mandate classes for anger management, drug and alcohol abuse, family counseling, etc. Something to think about in court next time from the judge.

    I will keep your family and your X in my prayers. I am sad for you and wish for you the courage to do what is right….Don’t feel bad. I have 2 degrees from top ten schools and was also fooled by a man that seemed sweet, nice, claimed to me yet due to emotional and anger issues there was a monster inside him that would hurt me.

  3. Dani- I agree with you 100%. The more I think about it– the more angry I get.

    He trains (triathlons) and drinks. Drinks and trains. They are both addictions that distract him from the real problem: himself. He is his own worst enemy.

    He received his DUI in Morro Bay and yes, I was on the phone with my daughter’s attorney first thing this morning. It is my understanding that he is going to file a motion for a new date on the court calendar. The attorney said it best, “He is on a downward spiral”.

    I also found it mind-blowing (best description that I could come up with) that he has hired an attorney to represent him in court tomorrow morning. An expensive attorney. He can’t pay child support for eight months yet he can reside in a luxury condo, drive a new car and afford an attorney. Speechless.

  4. Oh I’ve btdt, and called the State Police on more than one occasion because I knew he’d been drinking and my girls were in the car. He’s been pulled over once and missed the DUI by .01….he’s always been lucky.

    It’s so frustrating and terrifying…. let that momma bear come out!!

  5. I made it part of the conditions of visitation that X has a valid driver’s license (among other things). He’s never been able to meet any of them.

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