Confirmation- In Writing

Confirmation- In Writing

This morning I went to the courthouse to pick up our court order from last Wednesday.  As I already knew, it was pretty straightforward and stated (word for word):

The Petitioner shall email the Respondent 24 hours in advance to let her know he will exercise visitation, if no email is received visitation is cancelled”. 

This new order protects my daughters from the constant disappointment of waiting at the pick-up location when he doesn’t show up for visitations.  My goal isn’t to keep them from their father– he is who he is and they will figure that out on their own without my help.  If he doesn’t email us to confirm visitation then it allows us to make other plans and go on with our life.  My goal is to stop his ability to rule our lives which is what he thrives on.


To Re-Cap: This weekend, the X and I had a “stand-off” pertaining the most recent court order.  The problem, I didn’t have it in-hand to prove what the judge had ordered.  We were in court on Wednesday and it usually takes a few days for the order to hit our file.  I am well-versed in the court timelines by this point.  In my mind, the order was pretty clear.  I assumed (wrongly) that he understood the order as well.  I knew it wouldn’t sit well with him because it was another rule that he had to follow– he doesn’t like rules.  He doesn’t like being told what to do.

Friday came and went– no email.  Saturday morning, as expected– he was at the pick-up location and insisting that I bring the girls immediately.  Threats followed– he was calling the police…he said I was vindictive…he said that I was “this- that- and the other”.  The email rant followed the voice mails– accusing me of Parental Alienation Syndrome…accusing me of having Lupus versus Multiple Sclerosis (he MUST be smarter than my doctor who graduated from Harvard, right?)…on…and on….and on.


Music is therapeutic for me and the right song always seems to come on at the right time– Christine Aguilera’s song, “Fighter” just came on and Wikipedia describes it this way, “This video shows the metamorphosis of Aguilera’s slow, yet steady progression of her inner-strength, from being heartbroken, to becoming unbreakable”.

I have inner strength– that’s what got me through this.  It’s been a process.

I feel unbreakable– that too has been a process.

4 Responses

  1. Stick to your guns, good for you! You are following the court order to the letter and you are giving him the gift of consequences. He will eventually learn that you don’t get very far in life if you refuse to abide by the rules. Tantrums will do him no good but, like a small child, he will try that tactic first. Hold your ground!

    I also love listening to the song, “Fighter”. That’s what we have to be for our children. HUGS to you.

  2. You feeling unbreakable is awesome! Glad you have the paperwork now. I’m not so convinced that he’ll eventually understand, but you are learning to accept that. My therapist once told me that I had to remember that my X is not like us; he doesn’t truly understand the consequences of his actions. your ex being a narcissist probably won’t, either. It’s still frustrating, of course, but slightly easier to deal with when you can let go of any expectations of him behaving either like a responsible adult or selfless father.

  3. Hugs, hang in there sweetie! I just started reading your blog today. My heart aches for you and your struggles. You are beautiful, and smart, and an excellent mother. I am glad to hear your life it taking a positive turn with a healthy relationship. I hope it continues to do so. As far as your MS, I had a friend with MS when I lived in the bay area. She is my age, and it was scary to think this disease could hit such a young (mid 30’s) single Mom. I feel for you. If you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to ask! You are strong, and getting stronger. I admire you!