Torn

Torn

We were in court just last Wednesday and I asked for the current court orders to be modified.

He fails to show up for visitation a lot lately and it is very difficult on my daughters.  I asked that he be required to call us when he is actually at the pick-up location (Starbucks) and that we would drive down there at that point.  The judge made slightly different orders.  His orders were that “He” was to notify us 24-hours prior to each visitation if he planned to have the girls.  This allows us time to make plans or to alter our plans if needed.  It saves the girls from being disappointed constantly.

I emailed him Wednesday night with the dates for the 2011 visitations and re-caped the details from court– specifically the 24-hour notification order.  He was supposed to notify us by 10am on Friday morning.  Friday morning came and went– no notice.  I finally sent an email on Friday afternoon (4pm) asking whether or not he planned to pick up the girls– no response.

I checked my email several times this morning– still no notification.  A complete violation of court orders.  Scheduled pick-up time was 10am.  10:05am– he began calling my phone.  Several times.  10:30am he emailed– one of his normal, attacking rants.

I was torn.  Do I follow court orders or do I let him continue to operate with no regard for the judge, court or orders?  If I do not hold him to the orders then in essence, I am also violating the orders.  His mother began texting me.  He began denying the order existed and created his own version of the order.  I sent him an email stating that I would make an exception this time however, moving forward I planned to follow the order as stated.

I sit here listening to Pandora radio as I type this blog.  A song came on that is very dear to my heart– John Mayer‘s “Daughters“.  It makes me cry every time I hear it.  Fathers have such a huge impact on the lives of their daughters.  In our situation, that isn’t a positive thing.  It makes me want to work extra hard to be a strong role model for my daughters– to counter the negatives that lie ahead of them.

Sometimes it feels like it will never end.

It feels like he will never change– and always feel above the law and above court orders.

3 Responses

  1. My heart goes out to your daughters, it’s so sad that he feels as little as he does for them. I think men always have their own version, agenda and style of parenting and everything that comes with it. I’m blessed with a BD that sticks to his obligations as a father yet cursed with a BD who lets his gf run his life. And my custody battle with him hasn’t even begun – I glance at the paperwork for me to fill out as I type.

    I hope and pray that it gets better for you. I commend you for all that you’ve done and do for your daughters. You’re setting a wonderful example for them in a one-legger coparenting struggle. If anything, I can imagine that they’ll grow up to be JUST like you – strong.

  2. His mother isn’t going to believe your typed version of the court order. Copy the order and send it to her. If she’s going to get in the middle of this, then she ought to know the truth. So sorry you’re going through this. I have been there, and I know it takes time to feel it, but eventually, you will be okay with ignoring his rants and sticking to the order. And it will be because you have your girls’ best interest at heart. You have an easy explanation: he needs to follow the rules of his visitation. and you do, too, because they come from a judge. Kids understand the importance of rules.