“It is”, I replied.
She informed me that she didn’t want to go and asked if she had too. I informed her that she did.
Do I want her to have to go? Of course not. Do I have a say in the matter– no. Do I want her to want to go? Of course I do. If she wants to go then that means it is a good situation. It means my daughter is happy and safe in his care. I have let go of that hope.
I asked her why she didn’t want to go with her dad. She was quiet and didn’t really respond. I let it go and dropped the subject. I want her to know that I am here for her yet I don’t want her to feel pressured. I want her to talk to me when she is ready. It pains me to know that this tiny six year old girl is feeling angst.
- I heard a voice from the backseat as I pulled my car into the driveway, “Dad calls you ‘T-Rex”, she said.
- “What”, I asked…confused.
- “T-Rex. Dad says bad things about you to everyone and he calls you T-Rex so I won’t know who he’s talking about”, she explained.
- “Who is everyone?”, I asked.
- “To Popi, Uncle Brian and other people in the family. He says really mean things and I don’t like going over there anymore. I wish I could just stay home”.
Deep breath. Another deep breath. I wish that she could stay home also. I hate that I am forced to put my children in the care of someone who doesn’t care. Their own father.
What I wanted to say: “He says mean things because he is a mean, sick person. He is an evil, selfish man who couldn’t care less about the damage he does to his daughters”.
What I said instead, “I don’t understand why dad would do that. That is hurtful to you and it’s hurtful to me. It’s a poor choice and I will talk to him about it”.
I emailed him.
I won’t get a response. It will be an excuse– an attack– a denial.
Tina Rex. I’ll claim it. I’ll claim it as my role in protecting my children. Fierce and fearless against evil predators.