I want to find a store that sells bubbles. Not the bottle of bubbles that comes with the little yellow wand. You know that kind…where you blow into the wand to form perfect little iridescent circles of liquid soap?
I want a huge bubble to place my daughters in. A huge bubble that will shelter them and keep them safe from things they shouldn’t have to deal with at 4 and 6 years old. I’ve checked online and you can’t really buy big, plastic bubbles. It’s a novel idea though and Ebay would make a killing.
“His” visitations have been restricted greatly in the past few months. They are now down to Saturdays and Sundays from 10am to 4pm on the 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends of every month. No overnights.
Today I packed my little girls into the car and drove for 30 miles to our designated pick up location- Starbucks. On the way, one of my daughters asked if Daddy was going to show up. How do I answer that question? The same way I do each time it is asked, “I’m not sure…it is his weekend and I hope that he will be here but I haven’t spoken to him so I’m not positive”. I know in my heart that it’s a 50/50 chance he will actually be there.
We arrived this morning. We waited. He didn’t show up. Again.
How do I shelter my daughters from the disappointments? In my heart I know that this is their path and that my job is to give them the coping skills that they will need to deal with this world and the disappointments that come. My job is to model what a healthy, loving parent is and to provide stability and love when they are with me. I can’t control other people and I can’t force “him” to be the dependable, healthy role model that I want him to be. That’s not my place nor my job.
I am angry. Angry that my daughters were disappointed again. Angry that he holds this power and has no regard for their feelings. Angry that we could have had a relaxing morning at home in our pjs while watching cartoons or eating pancakes. Instead, we got dressed…packed up….drove 1 hour round trip for “him” and he didn’t bother to call, email or show up and be their dad. Again.