In my marriage, I wasn’t allowed to be “real”. My world was anything BUT transparent. It was all lies. We had to appear perfect. It was an image that was important to “him”. It was pretend. There is something wrong when you are struggling to pay your bills but you have five brand new cars in front of your home.
One of the issues I wasn’t allowed to discuss was the fact that I had Multiple Sclerosis. We were no longer “perfect” and I knew he was embarrassed about it. That made me embarrassed about it. We didn’t talk about it unless it involved discussion on the cost of treatments or who he thought could “cure” me.
Part of learning to become transparent in owning every part of who I am. I don’t give Multiple Sclerosis a lot of my energy BUT it is a part of who I am. Coffee is also a large part of who I am– therefore, I give my caffeine addiction much more energy than I give the MS….actually….my coffee addiction gives ME energy! It’s a vicious circle 🙂
Basically, I am who I am. You like me or you don’t. That is the philosophy that I am trying to adopt. It’s a work in progress but I am taking the steps.
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