A Few Very Dark Days…

A Few Very Dark Days…

August 29, 2009 6:30am- I made the call to the Women’s Shelter.  I drove my pink-pajama clad little girls (ages 2.5 and 4.5) to a local parking lot to meet an intake volunteer.  We then followed her car to the shelter- a hidden residence where we would be safe.

Have you ever “almost” been involved in a car accident that leaves your legs shaking so badly that you can barely keep your foot on the gas pedal?  My leg was shaking so badly as I drove my car to the shelter that I could barely drive.  I vividly remember that my teeth were actually chattering due to my nerves.

How did my life come to this?  I thought I was making the right choices.  I got married to someone who appeared stable and successful by every sense of the word.  He was smart– he went to a good college– his parents had been married for 30 years.  What was happening?  Nine months ago I was living in a brand new, 4,000 square foot home in a gated community.  Today, I was taking my children to check into a shelter.

Shelter.  That is what I’ve tried to do for my daughters.  I’ve tried to shelter them since our world started crumbling.  I could barely look at them through the rear view mirror as I drove my car across town.  I was trying to keep them safe but I felt like I was failing them as a mom.  “Where are we going?”, I heard a little voice ask from the backseat.  “We are going to a hotel for a few days…we are going to a special hotel…a Women’s Hotel.  It’s going to be like having a slumber party with other moms and their children”…I answered through my tears.

We were taken to our room– it was actually a little house away from the main house.  We had privacy– we needed to go into the main house to use the kitchen but had our own space which I was grateful for.  Three little twin beds…I remember the girls jumping on the beds and giggling.  They thought we were on vacation.  There was a little playground…and a handful of mothers with their children.  I felt alone- like I didn’t belong here.  A million thoughts going through my head (why, how….I was a good person….why was this all happening to me?!).

These were the darkest two days of my life.  I would have paid a million dollars for a hug.  I wanted my Aunt…my dad…my sister…my friends…Glenn.  Anyone.  I cried during the day- and sobbed during the night.  I was overwhelmed.  I had a million court documents to prepare since he had stolen everything I’d been working on.  I worked late into the night and I put everything I had into those documents.

September 1, 2009- The Judge awarded me “exclusive use of the home” barring him from entering the house.  Prior to that, the police had told me that they couldn’t keep him out.  Now I had a court order, a hammer and mace.  I checked out of the shelter and went home with a false sense of security.

September 2, 2009- I took my laptop and went to a local coffee shop.  He entered my home while I was away.  I called the police- they came and took a report.  They called him and told him that they would arrest him if he came onto the property.

I was devastated.

He was above the Judge and he was above the law– he has no regard for either.

My sense of security was gone.

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