Lying in Wait

Lying in Wait

Friday, August 14, 2009- I left home for the weekend in Orange County to visit my little sister and her family.  I actually had peace of mind leaving him with the girls as our nanny was moving into our home that day.  She had cared for my children since my youngest was a wee little one and I had complete confidence that she would keep an eye on things during my weekends away from the girls.

I got a panicked, teary call from “the nanny” on Saturday night.  She had snuck away to call me despite being threatened to remain silent about what was happening at home.  The house had been gutted.  Stripped bare.  Everything that I owned…everything that we had worked for during our ten years together was gone.

“He” had a Uhaul truck and his Aunt lying in wait.  Waiting for me to leave for the weekend.  Almost as soon as I left the house…they began to remove all of my belongings.  My bed, my dressers, my houseplants, my kitchen table, couches, art….every single thing I owned was removed from the house.  Everything except my daughters’ bedroom furniture.  They even took the photos of my children off the walls.  Every photo…gone.  $20,000 worth of my possessions….but it was the loss of the photos that hurt the most.

He insisted that the nanny meet him for coffee on Saturday morning.  This was the day she was moving in.  He looked weird…shaking…stuttering…and he told her that he would evict her that day if she called me and told me what was happening.  She was afraid of him.  Didn’t know what to do– had no where to go as she had given notice at her former home.  She called me anyway and then she made plans to move out of our home…the day she was moving in.

I was numb.  I cried a lot that night.  The tears had to do with the things but they had more to do with the realization that I was beginning a really scary journey with an unstable person.  I didn’t want to return home and “react” as I knew that’s what he wanted.  I was incredibly thankful that “the nanny” had called me and warned me….which gave me time to process and cope.

Upon returning to the home, I found that he had replaced my bedroom furniture with a toddler bed from IKEA along with matching dressers.  He decorated my room like a child’s room…pink boas, stuffed animals, child’s comforter, framed photos of me as a little girl and other bizarre items.  He left a book on my bed titled, “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”.  My entire drawer of undergarments was also missing.  He left my clothing…everything else was gone.  I was scared and I was worried for my personal safety.


2010….one year later…I found a video tape in which he had created during this weekend.  It was a bizarre video of my daughters.  He wanted to “capture” their reaction to the home being gutted…he waited for them to come out of their bedroom on Saturday morning…he was talking in a high pitched, manic voice.  Almost like a Mr. Rodger’s Neighborhood tone…he sounded happy….pleased with himself.  This isn’t Mr. Rodger’s neighborhood and we aren’t in Kansas anymore, Toto.

I can’t watch the video to this day without crying….

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5 Responses

  1. It is a crazy man that makes a stronger woman.. All they will have is their anger to keep them warm. And you will have the unconditional love of your children. I see now that there are people out there that are going thought similar things as I am.. We may not walk the same path but the story/mind games of an ex are similar.

  2. I’ve read it 3 times and I still can’t believe it. Does it all still feel surreal to you? Whenever I think about the things I went through with my ex, even though I can remember all the feelings, I still can’t quite believe that was my life.

  3. April- Yes. It feels completely surreal. Sometimes I can’t believe that it happened. This is my way to heal….to write about it. I woke up in the aftermath– when I received the final divorce paperwork and had so much anger. That’s a feeling that I’m not accustomed to. I was in battle mode for so long that I didn’t have time to be angry.

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