Steps to Ponder…

Steps to Ponder…

In mid-July, I came across an email written to “him” from one of my in-laws.  Specifically, it was his Aunt who is employed as a court advocate for children.  In this particular email, she was instructing him on steps to take in order to paint a positive picture for the courts.  The title of her email was “Steps to Ponder“.

These are a few of the “tips” that she recommended (cut and pasted below)…based on her knowledge of the family court system:

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I think you have to take away Tina’s ability to paint you as a neglectful, alcoholic dad.  In order,  to defend against her charges re your drinking and endangering the children, I think that you  would be wise at this time…… to do somethings differently.

If you drink in SLO at the house… put any and all evidence in your duffel bag and take it as trash away from the house.  Do stop drinking anywhere… Tina or her pals can see it or find bottles or caps.

The family law system will discount family members as being biased to your side. SO, you need to cultivate someone,  who sees you with the girls and who will attest to this if needed.
         a) another family that you meet now and socialize with with the girls on weekends…
         b) a counselor of your choosing, who is pro-father…
        c) priest, minister
        d) a teacher/mentor  at a Parenting Center

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At this point, I knew it was time for the battle gear.  I realized that I was not only dealing with one scary and manipulative person– I was dealing with a family of people who would lie and manipulate to come out on top.  She wasn’t giving him general advice….she knew he has a problem with alcohol (and still does to this day) and she knew there was no one in the world who could attest to his parenting.  She told him to “cultivate” someone.  He followed her advice.  Shortly after this email, he began setting up play dates with a local chiropractor on the weekends.  This person did end up testifying for “him” in court– he had been played.  Just like I had for all of these years.

I armed myself with the truth, an amazing support system and I began to pray…a lot.

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4 Responses

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  2. I’ve been reading your blog for the past 2 hours. It’s the only thing that’s helped me in…2 years. Please keep writing. I’m praying for you. Please, pray for me too.

  3. Karen– wow. Your comment really touched me and I appreciate that you took the time to comment. I know the feeling– I wish I would have found one person to connect with during my battle. I felt so alone and didn’t understand what was happening. Being educated on narcissism/etc has made all the difference for me.

    I am praying for you– please stay in touch.

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