When I thought of my life outside of my girls…it felt scary. I was living a pretend life. To the public and to our friends, we had everything. Inside, I had nothing. Empty. Blank. Painful. For a very long time.
I was lonely. I was sad and broken.
In my heart, I know that I tried to make my marriage work. God, did I try. I begged and pleaded for couples counseling. Finally, in September of 2008, I took “him” to dinner and I explained where I was: I’m not in love. I am scared. I can’t do this anymore. I want out. He panicked. I was serious this time and he knew it. I was so alone and desperate that I swore to him that I would have an affair if someone merely HUGGED me.
We started couples counseling the next week. I was hopeful and willing to throw everything into making our marriage work. Four months later, he walked out of counseling while waiving the white flag. I was also done. I was exhausted.
At the same time, our world was crumbling around us. I was in the dark about our finances for years and there was debt that would make your head spin. Some of it I knew about but much of it felt like complete and utter betrayal. I uncovered lies and deception– lies to banks, he spent his parent’s retirement savings and he conned his younger brother out of almost $100,000. I didn’t know who he was.
We actually shared the same home– on the weekends, I stayed in the bedroom and he stayed on the couch. This went on for months. We co-existed under the same roof…nothing in writing and nothing formal.
“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or Follow me on Twitter @onemomsbattle.com
To purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle”, click here. You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive while divorcing a narcissist or co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to decode the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and to begin healing.