Narcissism and Pregnancy

Narcissism and Pregnancy

As a young child, I decided that I didn’t want to be a mom.  It seemed like SO MUCH responsibility. You know those women whose eyes glaze over and they become weird when they see a baby?  They want to “smell” the baby and then claim that it is the “best smell in the world”.  That wasn’t me.  Everyone said that would change as I got older.

I was married at 26– still no urge to have a baby…27, 28, 29, 30….nope.  Still no urge.

At 30 years old, I found out that I was pregnant.  Every emotion in the world came flying at me 1.3 million miles per hour.  I was terrified.  I didn’t have a mom growing up and I didn’t know HOW to be a mom.  If you don’t have a role model for motherhood, the thought of being a mother can be quite daunting.  I didn’t have a support system– my family was 2,000 miles away and my husband was less than supportive.

I’ve been faced with many circumstances in life that would make most people crumble.  I cope with all things the same way:

1. I cry.  My nickname is “The Fountain” and the level of severity depends on the problem at hand- the tear scale varies between 1 tear and 100 tears.  After that, I call my “Aunt Bev” for advice.  She is a realist and will give it to me straight- whether I want to hear it or not.

2. I pull up my big girl panties (a quote that I am famous for repeating) and my tiara.

3. I access the situation and my options.

4. I put a smile on my face and I go forward.  Staying behind doesn’t sound appealing to me!

5. I am a fighter and I am a survivor- always have been and always will be.

When I discovered that I was pregnant, I did each of the above things in order except this time, they were maternity panties that I was pulling up.  If you’ve had the pleasure of pulling up maternity panties….one word: sexy!

I was going to be a mom!  I embraced my new path and I actually got excited about it.  I then decided that I wanted two daughters.  Leave it to me to go from zero to two children before my first trimester was complete and then go so far as to decide on the sex of the babies.  I was planning how far apart my “daughters” would be in age before my first ultrasound.  Two years- that was the plan.

I took advantage of every pregnancy perk this side of the Mississippi River:

1. I welcomed offers to cut in line in the bathroom.

2. “Stork Parking” at Babys R Us?  Yes, please.  I needed every product, gadget and nursery  item known to woman.  American Express loved me….a lot.

3. Cravings and food in general: “Why thank you,  I would like a bite of yours, too!”  (***I went from 118lbs to 167lbs– desserts were my friend).  I ate the same sandwich from our local coffee shop every day– twice a day.

In April of 2005, a 7lb 9oz little person came into my life and changed my world in every possible way.  My daughter taught me the meaning of being selfless and loving unconditionally.  Looking back, I couldn’t imagine my life without her.

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Divorcing a Narcissist: Tina Swithin’s books are available online at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

One Mom’s Battle is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization. Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children. Please consider a donation to help with our efforts.

History of One Mom’s Battle: In 2011, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother (Tina Swithin) navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth with over 100-chapters in five different countries. In 2014, One Mom’s Battle achieved non-profit status which will allow the group to take their mission to the next level.

Tina Swithin offers annual retreats, coaching services and more at www.tinaswithin.com 

2 Responses

  1. Tina, this I can relate to sooo well.

    Due to a chronic health condition, I was warned from the time I was about 17–pretty much all of my doctors at every physical remind me that biological pregnancy is a *really* bad choice for me. Even today I am given this reminder.

    This did not really bother me because as early as middle school, I announced to my family that I did not want children.

    When my future NPD husband and I started dating (long distance over the phone–{God’s gift to NPD abusers}), I told him that very first phone conversation that biological children were not an option for me. I was okay with adopting if he really wanted a child, but I would not be having a pregnancy, nor cursing a child with these genes. That was not a problem for him–he wasn’t hung up on biology. “We can adopt, that won’t bother me.”

    Well, four years after we married, he decided we didn’t need to use birth control because “we’ve only had a couple of scares”. I was currently researching adoption agencies.

    I now have a six year old who has seen more specialists in six years than any child should ever have to visit in sixteen years. Don’t misunderstand, I absolutely adore my daughter.

    But the fact remains, I very nearly died during the pregnancy–far too early for my daughter to survive even in neonatal care. Eventually, I did end up losing an organ about a year after she was born. I ended up taking class C medications for the last 5 months of pregnancy just to keep both of us alive.

    During this entire process, my husband started trolling the internet for dates when our daughter was six months old–six months before I had an organ surgically removed–because I had “abandoned him”.

  2. Heather! Omgosh 🙁 I am so sorry– speechless and my heart goes out to you and your daughter.