I brought up his lack of emotions many times throughout our marriage and he just shrugged. He didn’t understand it either. He just didn’t feel like most people did. There was no empathy. At one point, towards the end of our marriage he asked me to buy him books on feelings and emotions. He knew something was wrong- so I went to the bookstore and bought every book that I could find.
November 28, 2001 – I was sitting in a Border’s Book Store in Marin County one evening studying for a test. My grandparents called my cell phone and I received crushing news. I had been waiting for this call my entire life and I thought I was prepared: my mom died of a drug overdose. To this day, I believe it was an intentional overdose.
I was devastated. All of my hopes for her to recover from addiction- gone. All of my hopes for her to be healthy- gone. All of my hopes for her to be my mom– gone. Gone with that one phone call.
The next hour was a blur for me. I ran from the coffee shop leaving behind my laptop, my school books and my purse. I was hysterical and I remember that I could barely breathe. My mom was dead. I was standing up against my car sobbing but I couldn’t get in. My keys were inside the bookstore.
A couple came up and if I needed help. Yes- I needed help…I needed my mom to be alive. The woman hugged me and then went inside and got all of my belongings. I called Seth and he sounded confused. He seemed quite and casually said, “Ok- I’ll meet you at home.” I went home and waited for almost two hours- he wasn’t answering his phone. I was laying on my bed sobbing when he finally came home carrying a pizza. He walked in, looked at me and said, “Do you want a piece of pizza?”. I remember being shocked and staring at him in complete confusion.
I said, “No. I don’t want pizza. I can’t believe you stopped and got pizza on the way home! I needed you.”
His response: “I don’t know what the big deal is– you weren’t even close to your mom“.
No hug. No feelings. No empathy. Nothing.
What’s even crazier than his lack of caring or lack of emotions?
The fact that I married him one month later.
One Mom’s Battle is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization. Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children. Please consider a donation to help with our efforts.
History of One Mom’s Battle: In 2011, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother (Tina Swithin) navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth with over 100-chapters in five different countries. In 2014, One Mom’s Battle achieved non-profit status which will allow the group to take their mission to the next level.
Tina Swithin offers annual retreats, coaching services and more at www.tinaswithin.com