I feel like I should be reporting live from the bushes while dressed in camouflage but you’ll have to settle for an update from my laptop computer.  Some of you who are new to my blog may be wondering if you stumbled onto the wrong website.  Why is a site dedicated to education about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the Family Court System discussing antelopes from the savannahs of Africa?  You’ll have to click here to catch up to speed: Is it Prey or Pray?

As I reported on my Facebook page a while back, Seth and Sharon (aka Gazelle #3) called off their engagement over Valentine’s Day dinner.  Their engagement took place mid-January so it was very short lived- about one month in duration.

Yesterday, Glenn and I picked up the girls from a daytime visit with Seth.  I looked over at Seth’s car as we pulled into the parking space and there sitting in the front seat was Wendy (aka Gazelle #2).  “She’s baaaaaaaaaaaack” and she was sitting in close proximity to the Cheetah.  Here I had been breathing a sigh of relief that all three gazelles had escaped.

Piper and Sarah are obviously as confused as the rest of us but sadly, even more so because Piper proceeded to tell us that she found it “weird” that Seth was texting Sharon (Gazelle #3) while Wendy was in the pool with Sarah.  She was sitting next to him and even at her age, she thought it was strange.  The girls had originally met Wendy in December and then were introduced to Sharon via his engagement photos online.  Seth has recently told Piper and Sarah that he has “lots” of girlfriends but it seems like Wendy is currently vying to be lead gazelle at this point in the game.

As I ponder the sheer insanity that my poor daughters are being exposed to, three things stay with me:

1.   The lyrics from John Mayer’s “Daughters” song which came out around the time I was pregnant with Piper.  It was one of those songs that made me tear up during pregnancy because I had high hopes that Seth would be the father that she deserved.  During my divorce, that song made me cry for entirely different reasons because I was facing the grim reality of who Seth really was.

2. In an odd and bizarre way, I want to send Gazelle #2 a thank you card for coming back onto the savannah.  I worry less about Seth’s daytime visits when she is here and I know that besides texting his ex-fiance, Sharon, he is on his best behavior when Wendy is present.  That means that there is less opportunity for him to inflict damage on our daughters.

3. Sheer gratitude that Seth’s time with the girls is as limited as it is.  I can’t even imagine what they would be exposed to if custody was shared.

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Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.”  You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to decode the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

I was originally scheduled to spend the week of my honeymoon in trial….a full two day trial.  Thank God that my new husband has the patience of a Saint when it comes to my “other life.”  We were married on Saturday, April 6th and were able to spend two nights away from the world.  I had a pretty good inkling last week that the trial would be continued which originally, I was thankful for.  Until I found out how long it would be delayed.

The reason for the original delay has to do with our custody evaluation.  It isn’t finished as of yet and nothing could be addressed without the report.  I understand: there is a lot to investigate.  That isn’t the problem.  The courts were going to be able to get us on the calender in May however, due to attorney scheduling conflicts, the available dates didn’t work.  It gets worse.  The June calendar is completely “dark” meaning that they don’t hear ANY cases for the entire month.  The soonest we can be heard (without an ex parte) is JULY 10th.

Because there are multiple issues that need addressed prior to July, my attorney (still like the sound of that!) and I will be talking this week to discuss the next steps.  Wish me luck!

“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter

Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.”  You will find insight, red flag reflections, tips and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to decode the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

I am still waiting on the parenting evaluation.  I don’t see the delay as a negative by any means. I believe that the evaluator on our case is the very best that I could have ever hoped for. I know that the process is taking a long time because there is so much to investigate when it comes to Seth.

In addition to the items that were ordered to be investigated, there are new items that come up every single week.  There are Seth’s recent cancellations, the lack of phone calls and odd things that the girls have mentioned about Seth and his living arrangements. I would not want to be in the evaluator’s shoes right now as I can’t even imagine the investigative work that is needed.  At this point, we will probably be asking for a continuance on the 2-day trial scheduled for April 10^th and 11^th as we need more time to review the final report.

The Gift: I am still overcome with gratitude due to the gift of a complete stranger who assisted me in securing an attorney. I relayed the story to my therapist this morning by email and her exact words were, “Tina- that just gave me the chills!” Now that the shock has worn off, the sense of peace that this act of kindness brings is difficult to put into words.  I feel completely qualified to go up against Seth in court when we are both in pro se however; a two-day trial against Seth’s slimy attorney is more than I am capable of handling.  There were so many times over the past month that I have found myself staring blankly at the computer screen…too overwhelmed to even start the paperwork to prepare for trial.  I have come so far and was terrified that I would blow it in the final lap.  This generous gift has renewed my spirit and given me the tools that I need for battle.

The Gift that Keeps Giving: As many of you know, I am getting married this weekend. Glenn and I have been through so much together over the past four years.  He has restored my faith in men and people in general. He is everything that I have ever wanted in a partner but most of all, he is my best friend.  I am getting married to the most centered, humble, caring man that I have ever met.  I am grateful to be able to be “present” on my wedding day instead of worrying about my upcoming trial. I feel so confident in the attorney who is representing me that I will actually be able to let go for the weekend and live in the moment that I have dreamed of my entire life.

I will be MIA for a few days but I will be back—as a married woman! I promise to post pictures– from a follower of my blog who is flying all the way from Atlanta to photograph my magical day!  There will be lots of photos to share as my dear friend will also be there with camera in hand!   Thankful!!!!   Love, Tina

Huffington Post Udates

• Tune in on Thursday when I will be on the Huff Post Live with Dr. Craig Malkin and Dr. Sam Vaknin to talk about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Details to follow- should be a very interesting segment!
• My recent article in the Huffington Post: Why Our Family Courts are Failing
• Follow me at the Huffington Post Divorce: Tina Swithin

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“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter

Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.”  You will find insight, red flag reflections, tips and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to decode the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

It was difficult to hold a straight face a few weeks ago when my daughter told me that they did crafts while at their dad’s house. Crafts with their dad? Turns out, it was the day that the custody evaluator was visiting. Seth had them painting bird houses to show the evaluator what a great father he was. This one scores right up there with baking me an apple pie which left me scrambling to find a crime lab for testing!

This weekend (Easter weekend) was supposed to be Seth’s visitation weekend. I had emailed him yesterday about pick up time as we had an Easter egg hunt prior to his visit. I received an email back and Seth cancelled his visit:

Tina- Most regrettably, I exceeded my available funds driving down the last two weekends in a row. The costs average $200-300 depending on where we go to get food. I simply don’t have enough money until the 5th of April. Seth

Step back into reality with me for a second…two weeks ago he took the girls to Taco Bell and since they don’t like Taco Bell, the total cost of their meal was probably less than $4. He only has them from 11am to 5pm so he doesn’t feed them dinner. Last weekend, I packed the girls lunch and enough snacks to last them the entire day as they’ve been claiming that dad has no food in the house, no eating utensils and no plates. Its ironic that he has enough money to drink heavily for the past two weekends in a row which was glaringly obvious by his hangovers at pick-up time.

Seth’s staged apartment is located in the downstairs area of his older brother’s home. There is a private entrance and once inside, you can enter the main portion of the house through several doors.  Seth has a very tumultuous relationship with his father and older brother and the girls have recently stated that they are now bored at dad’s house because they can no longer go into the main portion of the house- they have been locked out.  I am assuming that Seth is banned from the main house due to a fall out with the family. Either that or the agreement for use of the main house was only promised until the parenting evaluation was complete.

I have updated the evaluator on all of the above and look forward to receiving the completed report very soon. It sounds to me like the lure of Spring Break festivities outweighed Seth’s desire to see his daughters at Easter. I am thankful that we now have two weeks of peace.

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“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter

Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.”  You will find insight, red flag reflections, tips and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to decode the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

Yesterday I posted asking for prayers, positive thoughts and pixie dust.

Today I received all three and then some.

As I said in yesterday’s post (click here to read), a crazy turn of events began with a woman reading my book and wanting to assist me in my battle.  Today, that very same woman paid the retainer fee to secure me one of the best attorneys in my county. I have spent the past 30 minutes crying and now I will try and put into words what this means to me.

I equate the past 3.5 years to a 26 mile marathon. I began mile one without an ounce of training and I forgot to eat my pasta dinner the night before the race.  I’m not a runner and no one explained how difficult this race would be. I’ve made it to mile 20 but I have walked most of the way. I know that I only have 6 miles to go however, it is uphill and it feels daunting.  I am starting to doubt myself and I don’t know how I am going to make it to the end. I am determined and driven so I know I will make it but I may be crawling across the finish line.  I may also need a stretcher to carry me to the first aid tent at the end.

That is how I feel.  I have come so far in a battle that I wasn’t prepared for.  I am not a fighter and this battle has drained me. For the past few weeks, I have been consumed with my upcoming trial on April 10th and 11th. While I have handled all of the hearings up until now on my own, the thought of going to an actual trial against Seth and  Vinnie Slaramon feels daunting. Tomorrow I meet with my new attorney in person and I am overflowing with gratitude.

I will never forget this incredible act of kindness.  I can’t wait for the opportunity to do the same for someone else someday.  Angels are real and one of them has just given me the gift of a lifetime.  Thank you. So much.  Tina

“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter

Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.”  You will find insight, red flag reflections, tips and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to decode the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.  You can also purchase “Tips by Tina” and receive them by email within 24 hours.

I am rolling out the welcome mat and asking for all three right now!

Through an incredible turn of events that began with a woman in Santa Barbara reading my book, I was put in contact with an ah-ma-zing local attorney who may be able to assist me with my upcoming trial. I have been self-represented for the past 3.5 years and by most accounts, I have done well on my own.  The two-day trial on April 10^th and 11^th is fast approaching and to have an attorney in my corner would be the answer to my daily prayers.

I have worked SO hard to get to the place I am right now.  I just need that one person (with a law degree!!!) who will believe in me.  I have fought really hard to obtain a new parenting evaluation and hope to have the results within a week.  I feel that this trial is the final piece to my puzzle and while I am not naive enough to think that  this is the end—I am hopeful enough to think that this will set the foundation for any future issues in our case.

I spoke to this attorney by phone today and I am incredibly optimistic.  I could not have been aligned with a more competent attorney had I advertised my specific needs on a flashing billboard.  I had a good feeling from the moment that we started talking and was literally jumping up and down when I got off the phone.  We are meeting again on Thursday afternoon.  I am trying to stay grounded in the reality that there is still a lot to be worked out when it comes to the financial aspect of this decision. You may see me holding a car wash in front of my house (the weather is warm in California!) to raise legal funds.  In the meantime, I am going to hang onto the words of wisdom from my new angel friend in Santa Barbara:

Remember, you have an enormous momentum in the spiritual realm right now, as thousands of women are reading your site and cheering for you. Don’t underestimate the collective power of intention. Now is the time! Everything will work out in the end. If it isn’t working out, then it isn’t the end.       ###

“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter

Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.”  You will find insight, red flag reflections, tips and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to decode the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.  You can also purchase “Tips by Tina” and receive them by email within 24 hours.