Note from Tina: There are many faces to this battle and I am currently featuring a total of six different people who are all affected by narcissism. Some are divorcing a narcissist, some share custody with a narcissist, one is a man who is affected by his ex-wife’s personality disorder and one is an amazing young woman who is away at college but still feeling the effects of her father’s narcissism. While we are all different, we share the same story—the same trials and tribulations.  There are many faces to this battle and I am happy to share them with you. -Tina

“Emily’s Story” ~ Blog 2

In the beginning…

I married Craig when I was 22 years old and we already had a 6 month old little girl.  Craig was in the military as an active-duty member and I returned to school full-time to finish my Bachelor’s Degree after taking the semester off following my daughter’s birth.  I had a lot of concerns about Craig’s lack of involvement as a father, his dishonesty, and his irresponsible behavior and I hoped that he would grow up soon.  I was fully aware of the fact that we had begun our marriage with the cards stacked against us as young parents, but I was ready to tough through these things in order to make it all work.  You will probably not be surprised to hear that my marriage went south very quickly.

Craig’s violence toward me began as I started to challenge him on the endless reasons that he needed to be away from home so often.  At first, he would pin me up against a wall by my neck.  This evolved into Craig strangling me, once while we were driving.  The couple in the car in front of us saw what was happening and slammed on their brakes, causing a car accident.  To make matters worse, Craig had also let our car insurance lapse.  Although he seems to “snap” and completely lose control when he is angry, I think Craig was deliberate about his method of abuse.  Strangling me gave Craig both the satisfaction of exerting his power and control and the comfort of knowing that he wasn’t really abusive; he will remind me to this day that he “never hit me.”

On the last day of classes one semester, a classmate of mine, Susan, pulled me aside.  She had returned to college later in life and I enjoyed talking with her.  Susan told me that I had no idea how much I had impacted her life.  I was very touched even though I had no idea what I had done or said that meant so much to her.  It was amazing to think that even as my life unraveled personally, I could still have a positive impact on someone else.  I told my Dad about what Susan had said to me and he suggested that maybe this was God working though me.  In writing this, I hope to be able to impact others on some level.  Whether you believe in God working through us or in the right people being placed into our lives at the right time, we all have the power to touch each others lives.

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Bio: First and foremost, I am a mother to my two beautiful girls.  I come from a large Catholic family of 6 children which includes my 3 sisters and 2 brothers.  My parents have a stable, loving marriage and my family is very close and supportive.  I make a point of saying this because I believe that anyone can end up in an abusive relationship.  I grew up believing in the goodness of others and had never really experienced any major disappointments in life, until I met Craig.  I am currently in the beginning stages of divorcing Craig, but I have been here before.  Craig has left us a total of 3 times and I have allowed him to “suck me back in” with his empty claims of remorse and short-lived promises of change.  He is (was) very good at making me question myself.  After Craig’s lies and violence toward me continued throughout my pregnancy with our second daughter, I knew that our marriage consisted of only one healthy party and I was done.  Although leaving for good was the hardest thing I have ever done, I will never again look back.

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