Category Archives: Tina’s Story

Tina Swithin has gained international attention for her blog titled, One Mom’s Battle and for her role as an advocate for change in the Family Court System. Tina has survived a Category 5 Divorce Hurricane and has taken shelter in her blog and new book, Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle. Tina currently resides in sunny California with her fiance, two daughters and three-legged tortoise named “Oliver.”

Divorcing a Narcissist: Nightmare Spray

Divorcing a Narcissist: Nightmare Spray

glitter waterby Tina Swithin

The nightmares are still taking place…even with “our month of peace” that was awarded during the ex parte.

Thankfully, my youngest daughter, Sarah (age 7) does not remember the nightmares. Sometimes, she doesn’t even remember that she had a nightmare but we can hear her. Some days husband hears her yelling out when leaving for work in the morning and I’ve heard her yelling out during my recent bout with insomnia.

We have recently upped the visits to the girls’ therapist – back up to once per week to deal with the anxiety, anger, and whatever emotion is on the weekly agenda…all related to Seth’s reappearance in our lives. During a recent session, Sarah came out of the session with a cup of water. It was glitter water and it smelled of lavender.

It’s “nightmare spray,” Sarah said proudly as we walked to the car. “You get to spray it on me before bed and it will help with my bad dreams.”

Each night before bed, we deliver an extra dose of love and then spray Sarah (and her bed) with nightmare spray. She thinks it is helping and following the advice of her therapist, we will let her think that because it seems to give her peace and make it feel better, If your little one is dealing with nightmares, I highly recommend putting together your own bottle of nightmare spray.

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“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter.

Seeking a Private Forum for advice, inspiration and support? Join Tina and the Lemonade Warriors in The Lemonade Club!  For information, please email Tina@onemomsbattle.com

Seeking a Divorce Coach for your high-conflict divorce and custody battle? Tina Swithin will help you to establish boundaries and regain your power. Contact Tina Swithin at Tina Swithin, LLC

Seeking insight, encouragement and advice while divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books, Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle” and her new book “Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield” are available on Amazon or through Barnes & Noble. Learn how to set boundaries, navigate your way through the divorce and see the narcissist for who he/she really is. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

The Narc Decoder: Ficus on your Husband (A Classic Email from Seth)

The Narc Decoder: Ficus on your Husband (A Classic Email from Seth)
narc decoderby Tina Swithin
The “Narc Decoder” began as a way to find light in the darkness. In the beginning of my divorce, Seth’s emails would often make me crumble to the ground. As time went on and I got stronger, I began to see right through his attempts to control and intimidate through written communication and the Narc Decoder (patent pending) was born as a way for me to cope with the craziness. Humor is truly the best medicine. A few weeks ago, I sent Seth an email regarding the impending supervised visits and my meeting with minor’s counsel. I had been made aware of the recent police report documenting Seth’s fifth victim since our divorce proceedings began. While this is victim #5, this one was especially troublesome because it occurred during our 3111 custody evaluation.This was Seth’s response to my email and apparently. the police report is a “hypothesis:”
Tina-  First off, I don’t care about your hypothesis.You’re spending child support money to write books no one reads about me.Second, you’re infatuated with me and you need to ficus on your new husband not me. So move on.

Third you’re a narcissist. Your pictures by photographers you hire are all over your little corner of social media and you with your 36 book fans are a pathetic breed. Keep it up with your nonsense while our daughters suffer from your egomania output to get losers to believe it’s okay to cheat on a husband. You will never absolve yourself yourself for your lies and selfishness in your heart.  -Seth

And into the “Narc Decoder” it goes….Snap…Crackle…Pop….Decoded!

Tina – First off, I don’t care that you have an official police report in hand. I am currently trying to concoct a story that will make this entire incident your fault. Everything is your fault in case you weren’t aware. You just sit back and wait to see what kind of story I come up with! I’m sure that you and the girl I was dating were actually in cahoots on this entire thing. Never mind the fact that you are on the west coast and she is on the east coast. I’m positive that this was all a set up and her father was probably the officer who showed up at the hotel to take the report. Now that I think about it, she is probably your third cousin twice removed. YOU set me up and forced the 23 alcoholic beverages that preceded the assault down my throat from 3,000 miles away….and you thought that you were going to get away with this! HA!

I am sure that if I keep mentioning child support money, people will believe that I pay you every month. Who cares about that measly $40,812.36 in arrears! Do you know that it eats at me that you’ve written books that tell the truth about me. I checked your Amazon reviews for the 93rd time today and you had a new review! You are now up to 265 reviews and both books are holding at 5-stars. I HATE that you are successful because it goes against everything I’ve ever told you! I hate that so many people know the truth about me.

Second, I am infatuated with myself. Why aren’t you infatuated with me…didn’t you hear all of the great things my mom said about me? Why won’t you listen, dammit!? By the way, I don’t want you to orchid or fern on your new husband. I want you to ficus on him. Wait..I never misspelled anything or made any mistakes prior to meeting YOU. Your white trash upbringing has affected my spelling. I knew it! See what you’ve done! I wrote “ficus” instead of “focus” and its all your fault. Move on and stop making me make mistakes. (Note from Tina: credit to Laura in Southern California for the ficus humor!)

Third, I’m a narcissist. Wait…I think I am actually a sociopath but I know that is a big word for you. By the way, the pictures you use of your coaching website prove that you are a narcissist also. It is very clear that in an effort to save money, you used your wedding photos versus having new photos taken…who was your photographer, by the way? I am in need of some new photos for my dating profiles. I am hoping for the “Fortune 500″ look which will go right along with what I am telling women. Did I mention that the people who read your books and blog are right up my alley?…an entire group of kind, loving, empathetic women. Do you have any of their phone numbers? I am actually on the hunt for my next victim and I love people with the qualities that I lack. I would appreciate it greatly if you would STOP educating the masses. You are eating up my dating pool every single day. By the way. I am still telling people that you cheated on me even though we both know that’s the furthest thing from the truth. Someone will eventually believe it. Won’t they? Will you just say you did because it would sure help my victim story. Please? -Seth

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“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter.

Seeking a Private Forum for advice, inspiration and support? Join Tina and the Lemonade Warriors in The Lemonade Club!  For information, please email Tina@onemomsbattle.com

Seeking a Divorce Coach for your high-conflict divorce and custody battle? Tina Swithin will help you to establish boundaries and regain your power. Contact Tina Swithin at Tina Swithin, LLC

Seeking insight, encouragement and advice while divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books, Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle” and her new book “Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield” are available on Amazon or through Barnes & Noble. Learn how to set boundaries, navigate your way through the divorce and see the narcissist for who he/she really is. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

Divorcing a Narcissist: When Family Court Gets it Right

Divorcing a Narcissist: When Family Court Gets it Right

peaceby Tina Swithin

Today is a FANTASTIC DAY!  Never give up. Always follow your gut and if you feel like you’ve been failed then get back up and try again. And again. And again.

I had been warned this week that my ex parte request would probably be denied because it didn’t constitute a true emergency. After all, my daughters have professionally supervised visits.  The court website says that an emergency constitutes “the potential for blood on the floor.” I’m not joking. It really says that.

I operate today with the same mentality that has brought me through this battle. I need to put my head on a pillow each night knowing that I did everything in my power to protect my daughters. While I knew there was a 50/50 chance that the courts could shoot me down, I needed to know that I had tried.

In my request for order, I outlined the anxiety, the missed school days and the other things that had manifested due to the one hour visit with Seth. I outlined the fact that he has had 70 opportunities to see the girls yet he chose not to. I outlined his phone calls which range from bizarre and manic to drunk pocket dials. I included the message from the young woman who Seth assaulted — this assault happened in the midst of our custody evaluation and the courts had no knowledge of it. In her message to me she said, “He is mentally unstable. He snapped with a rage in his eyes that I have only seen in animals.”  

This makes the FIFTH victim who has come forward since Seth and I separated.

I was asking for visits to be decreased to one visit per month.

Minor’s counsel was requesting two visits per month.

The Commissioner stripped him of ALL visits pending the next hearing on October 28th.

Another few weeks of peace. We’ll take it.

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“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter.

Seeking a Private Forum for advice, inspiration and support? Join Tina and the Lemonade Warriors in The Lemonade Club!  For information, please email Tina@onemomsbattle.com

Seeking a Divorce Coach for your high-conflict divorce and custody battle? Tina Swithin will help you to establish boundaries and regain your power. Contact Tina Swithin at Tina Swithin, LLC

Seeking insight, encouragement and advice while divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books, Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle” and her new book “Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield” are available on Amazon or through Barnes & Noble. Learn how to set boundaries, navigate your way through the divorce and see the narcissist for who he/she really is. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

Divorcing a Narcissist: Ex Parte Hearing Tomorrow

Divorcing a Narcissist: Ex Parte Hearing Tomorrow

courtby Tina Swithin

Hurricane Seth is back in full force.

The first supervised visit on Saturday was too much for the girls. The visit was one hour in duration and it had been 15-months since the girls had seen him.

During the visit, Seth brought his laptop. Why does this not shock me? If I had been away from my children for 15-months, or 15-days for that matter, the LAST thing I would want to bring was my laptop. As he asked them questions, he typed in their responses. Some questions were simple – what is your favorite color, who is your best friend and then the question that rocked my daughters: who is your teacher?  They are terrified that he will show up at the school and worse, go to their classrooms. They know he has followed our car, etc and the thought of giving him personal details began to worry them more and more as it sunk in.

He also brought pictures. Not just a few but an entire bin of photos. Many of you have read my previous blog about pictures – Seth uses photos to capture and prove love. If he and the girls were smiling in a photo, that captures the love and gives him proof. This has been an ongoing issue – he used to go to the girls preschool and force the teachers to look at photos of he and the girls. Social cues don’t seem to register with him, or most narcissists for that matter so despite how forced and uncomfortable the interactions are, Seth needs people to see photos that prove and capture the one thing he is incapable of: real love. The girls said it was awkward and uncomfortable. They are old enough now to know that love is something you feel. For that, I am thankful.

The visit caused stress and anxiety which has manifested in a variety of ways. Fearing the increase in time – from one hour to two hours and fearing that this could repeat up to six times per month (1st, 3rd and 5th weekends- Saturdays AND Sundays), I decided to act. I have filed an emergency hearing which is on calendar for tomorrow morning, I am asking the courts to reduce the visits to one visit per month. Minor’s counsel had a call with the girls’ therapist and supervisor and together, they came up with a plan of two visits per month — each visit being an hour in duration for the first 30-days and then increasing to 1.5 hours after 30 days. They are also requesting that Seth is ordered to meet with the girls’ therapist who has been an angel in our lives…and someone who “gets it.

Late this afternoon, I received Seth’s response to my emergency motion — sent from his attorney, Vinnie Slaromon. My favorite part of Seth’s declaration was this:

“I am requesting assistance from the court to allow adequate time for me to visit with our daughters in order to rebuild a meaningful relationship with them after a long time of interference by Ms. Swithin.”

Really?

Interference?

Does he think that the court will buy into this?!

He disappears for 15-months and even that is MY fault?

Of course it is. I am dealing with a Narcissist.

I have enjoyed 15-months of peace and now I am putting the battle gear back on.  Stay tuned for the most recent email which is currently being processed in the “Narc Decoder”….

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“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter.

Seeking a Private Forum for advice, inspiration and support? Join Tina and the Lemonade Warriors in The Lemonade Club!  For information, please email Tina@onemomsbattle.com

Seeking a Divorce Coach for your high-conflict divorce and custody battle? Tina Swithin will help you to establish boundaries and regain your power. Contact Tina Swithin at Tina Swithin, LLC

Seeking insight, encouragement and advice while divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books, Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle” and her new book “Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield” are available on Amazon or through Barnes & Noble. Learn how to set boundaries, navigate your way through the divorce and see the narcissist for who he/she really is. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

Divorcing a Narcissist: Seth on his Best Behavior

Divorcing a Narcissist: Seth on his Best Behavior

policeby Tina Swithin

As many of you know, Seth and I underwent an intensive custody evaluation last year that began in January 2013 and ended in July 2013. The report is sealed and confidential but resulted in a final custody order for supervised visits. It also validated everything that I’ve put in front of the court for over 4 years. During the evaluation, Seth tried hard to put on a good show for the evaluator. He baked me an apple pie, set up a fake apartment and even set up bird house crafts for the girls to paint while the evaluator was touring “his” apartment. I was in awe that during the final stretch, he violated court orders and took the girls into a pub where he consumed alcohol. While that grave error was only a small part of the things uncovered in the evaluation, it sealed his fate when it came to the final custody order.

I remember being SO worried that the evaluator would buy into his presentation. No matter how positive I tried to be, it was a nerve-wracking period of time. Little did I know that while Seth was on his “best behavior,” he assaulted someone in Florida while on a drunken rage. While I have known about this issue for a while now, I haven’t publicly spoken about it. Now that the police report has been filed with the court, it is public information. Sometimes I feel like I am trapped in a horrible soap opera.  You can’t make this stuff up.

Last year, I wrote a blog about gazelles — also known as Seth’s prey. It had been brought to my attention that Seth was engaged to “Gazelle #3.” There were professional engagement photos posted online of Seth and Sharon, yet when questioned by the evaluator, he refused to provide her name or answer any questions about her. He was very evasive during questioning. After recently receiving a police report from Florida, his evasiveness during questioning makes complete sense.

On Valentine’s Day (2013) weekend, Gazelle #3 ran a marathon and Seth stayed behind in their hotel room during a large portion of the race. During that time, he accessed her computer, phone, camera and social media accounts without her permission. He found things he didn’t like including communication that she had with an ex-boyfriend. Later when she tried to log into her computer, she discovered that he had password protected the computer and she was unable to log on. Later that day and into the night, he proceeded to drink heavily and around 9pm, he re-entered the hotel room (“staggered into the hotel room” was how it was described in the police report) where Gazelle #3 was sleeping. They had a verbal altercation and Seth accused her of being in love with her ex-boyfriend. From there it says, “The suspect attempted to grab the victim’s cell phone out of her hands and a struggle ensued. The suspect grabbed the victim by her left wrist and she started screaming.” Apparently, multiple people in nearby rooms called 911 and because of the screams, hotel security also responded. Hotel security then made him pack his belongings and he fled prior to the police arriving. Charges were listed as “Battery using personal weapons – hands or feet.”

This was a man on his “best behavior” in the middle of a custody evaluation. As of this week, the police reports have been submitted to the courts.

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“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter.

Seeking a Private Forum for advice, inspiration and support? Join Tina and the Lemonade Warriors in The Lemonade Club!  For information, please email Tina@onemomsbattle.com

Seeking a Divorce Coach for your high-conflict divorce and custody battle? Tina Swithin will help you to establish boundaries and regain your power. Contact Tina Swithin at Tina Swithin, LLC

Seeking insight, encouragement and advice while divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books, Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle” and her new book “Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield” are available on Amazon or through Barnes & Noble. Learn how to set boundaries, navigate your way through the divorce and see the narcissist for who he/she really is. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

 

 

Divorcing a Narcissist: Hurricane Seth

Divorcing a Narcissist: Hurricane Seth

stomachby Tina Swithin

“Mom, I really don’t want to go. My stomach starts hurting if I even think about it,” said Piper (age 9.5).

That was how our walk to school began this morning.

Tomorrow is our first supervised visit with Seth. The last time the girls saw him was July 2013 and they have refused his calls since April of this year. I haven’t been blogging about our new roller coaster ride lately because somehow, putting it out there makes it feel real. With tomorrow’s visit looming, reality is knocking on my door whether I like it or not and unfortunately, I am being forced to open it.

A huge part of me feels tremendous guilt. My daughters are safe. The majority of the OMB group members are forced to send their children to the monsters- unsupervised. I have been there and I know that feeling so well. I am trying to find my gratitude but it’s been difficult. I need to remind myself that our visits are supervised and the girls are safe. I need to remember that supervised visits are what I fought SO hard for. I need to be thankful for the 14+ months of peace that we’ve had. Then my daughter tells me that she wishes he would disappear forever and it all comes rushing back in. He is back.

I picked the girls up from school on Monday and as Piper climbed into my car she said with teary-eyes, “Mom- my stomach hurts so bad. I want to go home. I don’t want to go to the appointment.” We were scheduled to go straight from school to meet the new supervisor, Laura. I looked at Piper through the rearview mirror and I could see it in her eyes. “Honey, it will only be an hour and we can’t cancel.” “Mom, I’m really sick. I don’t want to go.”  This is my daughter who never misses school and has even tried to attend school with a slight fever. She is rarely sick and I’d never seen her act like this.

We arrived at the supervisor’s office and as we sat on her couch in the waiting room, Piper was holding her stomach and writhing in pain. It took everything in me not to grab the girls and leave. This is opening wounds that were finally healing. The girls are thriving in school and in life. I explained to the supervisor that Piper was having a stomach ache and she did a good job of trying to ease their minds about how the visits would play out and the games they could play along with the places they could go. Afterwards, I met with her alone and explained my concerns while providing as much history as I could. Like most therapists, she is of the mindset that two parents, no matter how broken, are better than just one parent. As a child who was subjected to the mental illness of a parent, I have a different and firm opinion on that subject but that is a blog in itself. On the way home, Piper said, “Mom….I really don’t want to go see him.”

Tuesday morning, I woke the girls up from school and Piper was in pain. Her stomach again. I called into the school and let them know that she would be staying home. I contacted her therapist and was instructed to use this as an opportunity to teach her about self-care. We went to lunch together and then had ice cream. We had the opportunity to talk about life and school. She spend the day reading books, watching movies and doing crafts. I hate watching what the stress from Seth is doing to her. In addition to the stomach aches, the stress is also coming out this week in pre-teen defiance which is difficult to absorb however, I understand. I have the tools to process these events and they are still difficult for me at the age of 40. She simply does not have the coping skills and I hate that he has the power to roll in like an evil hurricane and cause such discord.

As I type this, “Daughters” by John Mayer is playing in the background. Thanks, Pandora. Very appropriate timing.

Fathers be good to your daughters.”

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“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter.

Seeking a Private Forum for advice, inspiration and support? Join Tina and the Lemonade Warriors in The Lemonade Club!  For information, please email Tina@onemomsbattle.com

Seeking a Divorce Coach for your high-conflict divorce and custody battle? Tina Swithin will help you to establish boundaries and regain your power. Contact Tina Swithin at Tina Swithin, LLC

Seeking insight, encouragement and advice while divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books, Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle” and her new book “Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield” are available on Amazon or through Barnes & Noble. Learn how to set boundaries, navigate your way through the divorce and see the narcissist for who he/she really is. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

 

Turning 40 and Adjusting My Sails

Turning 40 and Adjusting My Sails

sailsby Tina Swithin

I am not a football fan but I know a good end zone dance when I see one. I am currently heading for the end zone – the end of a decade. This week, I turn 40 years old. At first, like many of my peers, I struggled with the thought of leaving my 30’s until a few things put it all into perspective for me.

  1. I lost some longtime friends over the past year. Not because of a falling out or a silly argument. It was much bigger than that. Several amazing women that I’ve known since elementary school faced cancer bravely but in the end, it succeeded in taking them from their friends, their family and this world. It felt pretty petty to complain about a new year of life when there are people unable to enjoy another day…or another breath. In their honor, I will embrace my 40’s the way I embrace everything. With life. With love. With all of my being.
  2. I could look at the negatives and dwell on them or, I could look at the picture as a whole and focus on the positives  and on all that I have accomplished over the past ten years. Here are just a few of the moments that stand out in my mind over the past decade:
  • I was handed a diagnosis of MS months before turning 30 which at the time, was a devastating blow. I then embarked on a long and windy road filled with numerous doctors, hospital stays, lab tests and various treatment plans. Through this journey, I have taken the lemons and made lemonade while trying to stay positive.
  • Weeks before my 30th birthday, I discovered that I was pregnant with my first daughter. That year, I learned what it meant to be selfless. I learned that the love you have for your child is a love that you can never describe. In April of 2005, I held my baby for the first time and my life forever changed.
  • At the age of 32, the love that I had for my daughter expanded to include a second daughter. During my pregnancy, I wondered how I could love another child the same way I loved my little girl but those concerns were quickly dismissed when they placed a 6lb 9oz baby girl in my arms in April of 2007.
  • At the age of 34, my marriage ended and I embarked on a journey that few will ever be able to understand. I am thankful that they don’t understand because it is a journey that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
  • That same year, I found God. He had been there all along. He wasn’t hiding- I had been. For the first time in my life, I had faith.
  • Months later, and very unexpectedly, I met my best friend. It just so happened that my best friend turned out to be tall, dark, handsome and the kindest, most honest man I had ever met. Thus began a type of love that I didn’t know existed.
  • At the age of 37, I had this silly little idea to start a blog. That blog has morphed into two books and a movement that I could have never envisioned.
  • At the age of 38, I married by best friend and together; we have five children ranging from the age of 25 all the way down to 7. His are grown and out of the house…mine are not. We are the modern day Brady Bunch complete with all the chaos and craziness that you would expect. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
  • Just three months after my wedding, I was successful in my plight to protect my daughters. Anyone who has been in the Family Court System with a narcissist knows how monumental this is. A full 14 months of peace ensued following this life-changing day.
  • At the age of 39, I launched a non-profit organization which will work to educate the Family Court System on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and a coaching business which allows me to educate and empower those in the trenches. I have discovered what it means to “find  your passion” and everything that has happened over the past ten years makes complete sense.

I am exactly where I am supposed to be. It all makes sense. The good times, the bad times and even the times when I waived my fists in the air and cried. The times when I crumbled to the floor and questioned my faith. It all makes sense and I am thankful to be where I am today. I am at the end of a decade and I am doing my own version of an end zone dance.  – Love, Tina

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“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter.

Seeking a Private Forum for advice, inspiration and support? Join Tina and the Lemonade Warriors in The Lemonade Club!  For information, please email Tina@onemomsbattle.com

Seeking a Divorce Coach for your high-conflict divorce and custody battle? Tina Swithin will help you to establish boundaries and regain your power. Contact Tina Swithin at Tina Swithin, LLC

Seeking insight, encouragement and advice while divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books, Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle” and her new book “Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield” are available on Amazon or through Barnes & Noble. Learn how to set boundaries, navigate your way through the divorce and see the narcissist for who he/she really is. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

 

 

Divorcing a Narcissist: The Magic Genie

Divorcing a Narcissist: The Magic Genie

61by Tina Swithin

My oldest daughter walked out of her therapy session today and said, “Megan (therapist) asked me what I would wish for if a magic Genie granted me one wish. I told her that I would wish for my dad to disappear. I want him out of my life.”

In my head, I wish for the same thing but obviously, I can’t say that to her.

  • We’ve had 14 months of peace since Seth walked away.
  • The nightmares stopped when he walked away.
  • The potty accidents stopped.
  • The teeth grinding stopped.
  • The fear and chaos stopped.

With one phone call, he’s back. My daughter had her first nightmare right after we broke the news. As I went to check on my youngest daughter two nights ago, I heard the sound that I remember so well – she was grinding her teeth in her sleep.

I met with Minor’s Counsel last week and provided updates on everything that has happened in the past 14-months including a new police report that has emerged (more on that later). Minor’s counsel supports my proposal for therapeutic supervision to start the process up. Minor’s counsel also gave me approval to share the full custody evaluation with the supervising therapist which will hopefully help her to understand the depths of the abuse.

At the end of this month, the girls and I will meet with the therapist who will facilitate the visits which will initially be one hour in length and will eventually move to two hours. He will be able to see the girls on the 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends of the month from 1pm to 3pm. In the meantime, we’ve increased counseling sessions with their therapist to assist with this transition. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers – my seat belt is fastened as we embark on the latest ride with a madman at the controls.

“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter.

Seeking a Private Forum for advice, inspiration and support? Join Tina and the Lemonade Warriors in The Lemonade Club!  For information, please email Tina@onemomsbattle.com

Seeking a Divorce Coach for your high-conflict divorce and custody battle? Tina Swithin will help you to establish boundaries and regain your power. Contact Tina Swithin at Tina Swithin, LLC

Seeking insight, encouragement and advice while divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books, Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle” and her new book “Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield” are available on Amazon or through Barnes & Noble. Learn how to set boundaries, navigate your way through the divorce and see the narcissist for who he/she really is. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

 

 

 

Divorcing a Narcissist: Seth is Back (Part 2- Narc Decoder)

Divorcing a Narcissist: Seth is Back (Part 2- Narc Decoder)

narc decoderby Tina Swithin

(Continued from Part 1)

My email to Seth after I got off the phone with Elena from the supervision company:

Seth- I received a call today from Elena regarding your request to set up supervised visits. Since it has been over a year since you’ve seen the girls, my attorney advised that the initial visits take place in a therapeutic environment.  Moving forward, I did let Elena know that the visits were ordered to take place with ABC Supervision Services or with Jane Smith who is a local therapist. I think there was also a clause about a mutually agreed upon professional supervisor as well which I will look into further and verify.  -Tina

After locating the court order and speaking to the therapist, I followed up with this:

Seth- To follow-up on my previous email, I did verify that the court order lists Jane Smith as an approved supervisor. Since Jane is a MFT, I would prefer that we utilize her services for re-unification therapy/supervised visits. I called and spoke to her this afternoon and here is the information to get started:

Jane will speak to Piper’s therapist and then she will meet with the girls and I. After that, she will schedule a time to meet with you individually and after that, she will meet with you and the girls together.  Her rate is $100/hour and she can be reached at 805-555-5555. I will wait to receive confirmation from you before meeting with Jane however, I will sign the waiver with Piper’s therapist at the next visit to get things started on our end.  – Tina  

Seth’s response to me:

Tina- The (court) recommendation was for (NPD) Supervision Services and they never returned my emails and the voicemail doesn’t accept messages for over a year.  I called her multiple times last year when this first started and received 0 replies.  I have been trying ever since April.  I finally looked up the National Registry of approved Supervisors.

Elena is an approved supervisor. There is no way I will go to someone you have a previous relationship with as you did with the woman form the Women’s Shelter with whom you feigned an abuse issue 4+ years ago to gain her favor. I don’t see anywhere where the person you are stating is recommended.

Furthermore, the damage you have caused by using our divorce and the court system to profit from not one but two books now is unconscionable.  I purposely removed myself from all of your world because I know you were using the court system to get chapters for your first book.

Using child support money to follow me around with private investigators and going to the extreme of hiring young girls to follow me around where I live is disturbing on levels of stalking.  I believe that you are not using the child support money in the proper manner to provide and care for the girls but rather pay private investigators to follow me when I am on my own time.

Why are you still so obsessed with me 5 years after I divorced you?  Let me live my own life and move on.  Later, Seth

Don’t fail me now, Narc Decoder!  I carefully place Seth’s email in the Narc Decoder and Snap! Crackle! Pop! Decoded!

Tina- It’s been a full year since I’ve seen the girls and in that time, I’ve accidentally drunk-dialed the supervision service multiple times however, I have never once attempted to contact them while sober. Recently, my mom came to visit for the summer and put pressure on me to impress the family with my superb parenting skills. To make my mom happy I have finally decided to reach out and touch someone….you know, those people who were appointed to supervise me.

Have I mentioned that my ego can’t handle the thought of supervision but I am willing to do anything to please my mom? I probably won’t really follow through — I will take the first steps and then tell her how mean you are and that you are preventing me from seeing my possessions…errrr….I mean, MY daughters. I wrote in the email that I have been trying to contact the company since April but you and I both know that’s B.S. I just like writing things like that in case the court gets a wild hair and decides to believe anything I say!  It’s worth a shot, right? Right? You know I’m right…I’m always right!      

Elena is an approved supervisor and since I spoke with her first, I am confident that I can sell her on how evil you are…and how I’ve been wronged. There is no way I will go to someone that you have a previous relationship with because you told them the truth and you know how much I hate being exposed. I don’t see anywhere in the court docs that says the person you are suggested is recommended (I’m covering my eyes, haha!) because am choosing to twist reality to suite my agenda and needs. That shouldn’t be news to you….I love twisting reality.  

Furthermore (“Furthermore” is one of my favorite words because it makes me sound in control and smart), the damage you have caused by telling the truth about our divorce to profit from not one but two books now is unconscionable (I should probably get a thesaurus….I know I use “unconscionable” in every email).  I purposely removed myself from your world because the Commissioner and Evaluator saw through me and I could not handle it. Damn you for telling people the truth again! 

I hate the fact that you can survive financially without me. It goes against everything I’ve ever told you and pisses me off. I know that I recently got fired from yet another job and no longer pay child support. I know that my arrears is over $40,000 and I hate that you have become self-sufficient. I hate it. I hate it! I remember back in the good old days when my frequent terminations would make you cry and scramble to figure out how to buy groceries. Gosh, I sure miss those days!  

It infuriates me that you’ve used a private investigator to show my true colors. Being followed has made me so incredibly paranoid that I now think young girls are following me. They are everywhere! Blondes, brunettes, red heads! I also believe that you are not using the child support money that I no longer pay you to properly care for the girls. I firmly believe that you are obsessed with me — you are, aren’t you? Everyone else is….you are, right?!  Let me live my own life, free of rules and court orders and we’ll all be happy.  

PS Isn’t it ironic that I spent so many years correcting your grammar and mine is horrendous? Let me figure out a way to blame you for my grammatical errors and I will get back to you. I’m sure your stupidity rubbed off on me during our marriage.   -Seth 

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Seeking a Private Forum for advice, inspiration and support? Join Tina and the Lemonade Warriors in The Lemonade Club!  For information, please email Tina@onemomsbattle.com

Seeking a Divorce Coach for your high-conflict divorce and custody battle? Contact Tina Swithin at Tina Swithin, LLC

Seeking insight, encouragement and advice while divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books, Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle” and her new book “Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield” are available on Amazon or through Barnes & Noble. Learn how to set boundaries, navigate your way through the divorce and see the narcissist for who he/she really is. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

Divorcing a Narcissist: The Return of Seth

Divorcing a Narcissist: The Return of Seth

hes backby Tina Swithin

My phone rang yesterday afternoon and between the fact that it was an unknown number and I was knee-deep in spreadsheet hell, I let the call go to voicemail. When I listened to the message and my stomach dropped.

Hi Tina – My name is Elena and I am with (XYZ Supervision Agency). I spoke with Seth about providing supervised visitation with your two daughters. I’ve sent Seth the intake paperwork and I need to speak with you to learn more about the case and send you some intake paperwork as well. If you could please give me a call back at 555-1234.  

It’s been one year, one month and nine days since we’ve seen Seth and now he wants to set up visits? His mother, Cleo, came to visit for the summer and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was going to pressure him into visits. Our last communication from  him (by email) basically stated that he was going to “develop the mentality of a soldier going to war and plan to see the girls when they were adults.” Cleo strikes again.

I centered myself and called Elena back. I explained a bit about our situation and that we hadn’t seen him in a year. I let her know that there was specific instructions on our order about which agency we were to use but that I needed to find the order and read it again. My recollection was that there was a different agency listed along a second option – an individual therapist who was chosen by the Commissioner and minor’s counsel. I explained to Elena that due to the length of time that had passed, I would prefer to consult with an attorney and opt for reunification therapy prior to jumping into supervised visits. Since one of the options on our court order was a therapist, I was leaning in that direction.

I found our court order and immediately called the therapist who was listed as a potential supervisor. I gave her a brief history and the most recent event that had transpired: Seth wanting to establish visits after a one year absence. I explained my desire for reunification therapy prior to just jumping straight into a visitation routine and she provided an outline of what would happen:

  • She would speak to the girls’ therapist to gain a clear understanding of our case.
  • She would meet with Piper, Sarah and myself.
  • She would meet with Seth.
  • After all of that, she would facilitate the visits.

I got off the phone feeling less anxiety-ridden than I had felt moments before. Even in this “warrior mom” image that I have gained, I am human. I felt ill while listening to the initial voicemail — my heart was pounding and I wanted to throw up. I had to re-group and find my center. I had to coach myself – that pep-talk that I would give my clients was not coming to me in the “fog” that I was feeling. After speaking to the therapist, I felt reassured. I was reminded by Rebecca (OMB) that the girls were empowered. I was reminded that they had found their voices.

To be continued…..click here for Part 2

“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter.

Seeking a Private Forum for advice, inspiration and support? Join Tina and the Lemonade Warriors in The Lemonade Club!  For information, please email Tina@onemomsbattle.com

Seeking a Divorce Coach for your high-conflict divorce and custody battle? Contact Tina Swithin at Tina Swithin, LLC

Seeking insight, encouragement and advice while divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books, Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle” and her new book “Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield” are available on Amazon or through Barnes & Noble. Learn how to set boundaries, navigate your way through the divorce and see the narcissist for who he/she really is. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.