Note from Tina: There are many faces to this battle and I am currently featuring a total of six different people who are all affected by narcissism. Some are divorcing a narcissist, some share custody with a narcissist, one is a man who is affected by his ex-wife’s personality disorder and one is an amazing young woman who is away at college but still feeling the effects of her father’s narcissism. While we are all different, we share the same story—the same trials and tribulations.  There are many faces to this battle and I am happy to share them with you. -Tina

“Claire” ~ Blog 2

Kane’s friends and family were so important to him. He would brag about his friendships that have lasted from childhood and how special I was because he picked me. Prior to the wedding, he would show me off like I was a trophy. At the time, I think I thought it was cute because he wanted to show me off. I really enjoyed being with him because he made me feel like the center of his universe. Kane decided to drop out of school when he found out i was pregnant. At least that is what he told everyone else. Kane really dropped out (with one semester left) because he had failed a math class that he had to pass in order to graduate. (Red flag). He blamed the teacher for being a horrible teacher instead of accepting the fact that he just didn’t study. Kane finally got a job at UPS part-time. He had convinced me that it would be enough to support our new family. However, I think it had something to do with his desire to continue to play baseball in an adult league.

Kane would play like his life depended on it. He wanted to show everyone how great of a player he was. In one game, he was so determined not to be tagged out, that he barreled into the catcher and knocked out both of the guy’s front teeth. Kane wasn’t a big guy at 5’10 and 120 lbs. You can imagine how hard he had to hit the guy.

We began to plan for the wedding. Little by little, I planned the whole thing. We had very little money, but we still had to get the wedding rings. Everywhere we went, Kane’s credit was denied. (Red flag). He insisted that his credit was so bad because he consigned on a vehicle with a ex and she quit paying. It was all her fault. Feeling sorry for him, I used my credit to get our rings. (Stupid, stupid, stupid!) My mom, stepdad and grandmother paid for my dress and his parents offered to pay for the reception. His mother actually took over and decided how the hall would be decorated and who was invited. I tried to confront her because we were only allowed 100 people, and she had invited more than half and most of which neither I or Kane knew. I was actually yelled at and told I was ungrateful since she was the one who was paying. I quickly shut up and felt horrible as I definitely never meant to come across as ungrateful. It was then that I realized she always gets what she wants and there was never any discussing. Kane just sat back and said nothing.

Two weeks after the wedding, I was put on bedrest. Kane was rarely home. He would leave and go to his friends and I had to fend for myself. I was miserable being alone, but somehow he managed to make me feel guilty. It wasn’t fair for me to expect him to stay home because these were the last few months he had before the baby was born.
I was finally released from bedrest for about a week, when Kane insisted I come see him play baseball. I had missed all of his games and practices while I was on bedrest, so at 37 weeks, on a hot July afternoon, I miserably waddled along. Thankfully, by the time we got to the field, a summer shower exploded, canceling the game. After we got home, I was so miserable that I was taken to the hospital. Within an hour after we got to there, I had given birth to our beautiful daughter. Kane was so happy he cried. I thought it was the beginning of my “white picket fence life” I had always wanted. It didn’t take 48 hours for reality to set in.

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To see the rest of the posts from “Claire” click here.

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Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.”  You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to de-code the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

 

Note from Tina: There are many faces to this battle and I am currently featuring a total of six different people who are all affected by narcissism. Some are divorcing a narcissist, some share custody with a narcissist, one is a man who is affected by his ex-wife’s personality disorder and one is an amazing young woman who is away at college but still feeling the effects of her father’s narcissism. While we are all different, we share the same story—the same trials and tribulations.  There are many faces to this battle and I am happy to share them with you. -Tina

“Claire” ~ Blog 1

This photo represents my journey. It is actually a picture of a forest/lake near where my father lives. Just like this picture, there is light on the other side, but finding it sometimes through the trees is near impossible.

Born and raised in the same town that I now live, I needed out. Family was the most important thing to me, probably because I never felt like I fit in with mine. My childhood consisted of an overbearing stepfather and meek mother. I put my absent father on a pedestal so high that the only way he could go was down.

When I was three, my parents divorced. I remember very little of the divorce, but the custody battles that followed will forever be etched in my brain. My dad disappeared shortly after he gained custody of my oldest sibling. My step-dad became my friend. Then in high school, our relationship changed. Despite the fact that I was an honor roll student who worked and played sports, I felt as though nothing I could do was right. My mother mostly stood by my step-dad side as he imposed strict rules. One night, he scared me so much that I ran away. I called my dad and drove across state lines just to avoid going back to the house. I went from a very strict household to a father and stepmother who let me free. I rebelled. The only thing that I did constructive was to apply for college and go after a scholarship that my stepfather insisted I would never get. I proved him wrong.

I soon found myself once again alone, in the middle of a big city at a college I really had no interest being at, far away from either my father or my mother. This is where I met Kane. Kane was a sport all-star who was very popular. The funny thing is I didn’t like him. (First red flag for me.) I thought he was annoying. Kane, however, must have thought I was a challenge. He began to bombard me with charm. Kane asked me out to a local restaurant where we split a burrito and he ordered me alcohol. I told him that I was not 21 but he did not care about that (red flag #2). I was actually dating someone else at the time, but Kane didn’t care (red flag #3).

My boyfriend showed up at the college because I told him that Kane would not leave me alone. When my boyfriend returned home, Kane brought me a box of 2 dozen wilted roses that he claimed he was going to give me the night my boyfriend showed up. Kane showed up with bloodshot eyes and puffy cheeks. He told me that he was so miserable that he got drunk just to try to forget me. I couldn’t believe it. How could someone be so in need of me? While I was in class, he would break into my dorm room (red flag #4) and fill it with flowers and balloons on numerous occasions. I couldn’t even think without him being right there.

I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend and began to date Kane. In walks my stupidity. Kane began to convince me that because of an injury, he could no longer play sports. I was what he needed. All of the attention was what I always dreamed of. Kane then played the magic card that made me think I could not live without him. He begged me to start a family with him because the only thing that mattered in this world was family. So I did. Shortly after we began to date, I got pregnant. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I gave up my scholarship (I could smack my young self for this, too), and Kane began to show himself for who he really was. I was desperate to give our child the family and life I did not have when I grew up. Boy was I wrong. I moved in with him and his parents until he could find a job and we could afford an apartment. His mom was so nice, though she enabled her alcoholic husband, Kane’s dad. His dad was always too generous with his hugs and made me more than uncomfortable. We soon moved into a very expensive apartment. Kane spent so much time with his friends. I could either go with, or be left at home. Despite the numerous red flags, I married him. I figured that he was just immature or needed time to adjust, or one of the million other excuses I told myself. I thought that he would eventually grow up and somehow I could teach him. The next twelve years would serve to be no less of a challenge.

Claire’s Bio: I grew up in a small town in Illinois with my mom and overbearing stepfather. The only thing that I ever wanted was to have a family and have the white picket fence life. After running away from home to escape the iron curtain, I made several mistakes that led me to grow up quickly. I got pregnant outside of wedlock, and then decided to marry the guy. After three more children, and many years of verbal abuse, my ex was caught cheating. I am now remarried, two years after the final of the divorce, though almost four years after it began. I have finally found what it means to have a loving relationship and have even added another baby. My husband and I work hard to show the children what it means to have a stable environment and be the parents that they deserve. I consider myself very blessed. ###

To see the rest of the posts from “Claire” click here.

“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter

Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.”  You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to de-code the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.