Category Archives: New Book: Divorcing a Narcissist

Mar25

Dating a Narcissist: The Ups and Downs

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Dating a Narcissist: The Ups and Downs

ConfusionExcerpt taken from my book, “Divorcing a Narcissist” – and focuses on our dating life prior to marriage:

Seth: Greek form of Egyptian Set, possibly meaning “one who dazzles.” In mythology, this is the name of the ancient evil god of chaos, storms, and the desert.

Some days I felt like royalty, and other days I felt so beneath him. Talks which focused on my lack of a college education seemed to become more frequent as time went on. Seth introduced me to his work colleagues as his fiancé, which made me feel special and gave me a sense of stability in our relationship however, we weren’t engaged.

At one particular event, I overheard Seth telling his boss that I was going to be attending a local State college in the fall which left me confused and upset. I pressed him on the way home, and he admitted that in professional settings, it was embarrassing when conversations about college came up. I was crushed. No one had ever told me that I embarrassed them. Almost instantaneously, I could feel the self esteem that I worked so hard to regain slipping from my fingers.

The next day I woke up and put on a smile. The last thing that I wanted was to be accused of being a Debbie Downer and an embarrassment. I walked into the kitchen to make coffee and found flowers waiting for me on the kitchen table. The card expressed how sorry he was for hurting me. Seth claimed that I was the furthest thing in the world from an embarrassment. I accepted his apology.

  • Red Flag Reflection: The ups and downs were leaving my head spinning. Almost as quickly as Seth could crush me, he could build me back up with amazing, heartfelt letters and cards. Not only could I not make sense of the new world I was living in, I found it difficult to articulate what was happening to my friends or family.

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“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter

Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.”  You will find insight, red flag reflections, tips and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to decode the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.  You can also purchase “Tips by Tina” and receive them by email within 24 hours.

Dec11

Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle

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Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle

I am officially wearing a new title: Author.

Surreal is the only word that I can find to describe how I am feeling today. The path to get to this spot was rough and rocky but I made it! When I first began writing my book last April, I had no concept of the healing and wisdom that would accompany this project. I had to push myself to write on many occasions and I let the book sit untouched for weeks at a time. I had many periods of self doubt during the editing process and worried about the hype that I had created around this book. Promoting my mission comes naturally but writing a book? Not so much.

I allowed the voice from the past to creep in and whisper in my ear. Whispers of being “not smart enough” or “not good enough” caused me stress and anxiety. I plugged my ears at the urging of friends, family and my fiancé and I kept going forward. What is the worst that could happen, I asked myself? The worst that could happen was that no one buys my book. Ok. That’s not so bad. The writing portion alone brought healing, closure and acceptance. I filled my head with positive thoughts and pushed the negatives right out as fast as they could come in.

I reached out to a few people whom I respected and I asked them to read my book. I received positive feedback and verbal endorsements. The last remaining whispers of self-doubt were quickly “kicked to the curb” and I realized that I was about to publish a book. I was going to be an author! My high school English teacher will probably be scratching his head in amazement as he checks outside for flying pigs!

“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter

Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.”  You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to de-code the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

 

Dec10

One Mom’s Battle in the Washington Times Communities

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One Mom’s Battle in the Washington Times Communities

I am honored to say that “One Mom’s Battle” was recently featured in a Washington Times in an article titled,
“Domestic violence victims are speaking out, handing out a dose of reality” by my blogger friend, Paula Carrasquliio.

Abuse was once quickly swept under the rug but it is now taking center stage thanks to the power of social media. Victims now have voices. We are standing together, supporting one another and bringing the dirt from under the rug to the middle of the floor. Here is the story as it appeared in the Washington Times:

WASHINGTON, December 6, 2012– Read real stories. Raise your awareness.

by Paula Carrasquillo

Once too ashamed or guilt-ridden to tell even their closest friends and family members about their abuse, more and more victims and survivors of domestic violence and intimate partner abuse are coming forward with their stories. But not to law enforcement, lawyers, and judges as you may expect. Instead, survivors and current victims dedicate websites, blogs, message boards, and even self-published books to their experiences.

Could the reason for such public disclosure be related to the increased media coverage of high-profile domestic violence cases like Rihanna and Chris Brown and the most recent murder-suicide tragedy of Kansas City Chief’s player Jovan Belcher and his girlfriend Kasandra Perkins? Is the frightening reality depicted in cases like the Susan Powell disappearance and the subsequent murder of her children at the hands of their father in February 2012 urging others to come forward in greater numbers for fear they may be next? Or are the victims simply tired of being victims and suffering in silence?

The possible reasons are countless and may never be measured or determined, but a movement is evident. Just do a Google blog search for emotional abuse, domestic violence, and verbal abuse, and you will be bombarded by more than 94,000 results collectively.

For many of us, the stories are too stark to read or believe. We also question why victims would reveal such grisly, private information about themselves so publically.  We wonder why anyone would openly admit to being victimized in the first place because, unfortunately, too many of us still believe the fallacy that the victim is somehow to blame for the violence inflicted upon him or her.

Fully aware of the backlash or disbelief readers may feel and express, many who have been abused or are in the midst of abuse charge forward with their online writing and disclosure, because for most, it is the only outlet available for their voices to be heard:

1. Current victims find immediate validation through writing and sharing their experiences. Many use the online support to gain motivation, support, and resources to aid their escape.

Click here to read more……

“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter

Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.”  You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to de-code the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

 

Nov30

The Foreword to “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle”

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The Foreword to “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle”

I use the term, “gratitude” often because I believe gratitude is the driving force to a happy heart and a happy life. I practice gratitude in my life and for me, it has been life changing. There is always something to be thankful for.

The universe must have smiled upon me one day when I submitted a query through “Help a Reporter Out” asking for experts to weigh in on the topic of ‘divorcing a narcissist’. Shortly after, I received a response from a name that was very familiar to me: Dr. Carole Lieberman, M.D.

THE Dr. Carole Lieberman.

I squealed. Literally. I also jumped up and down.

After a series of back and forth emails and a lot of patience on the part of Dr. Lieberman (this is my first book- lots to learn!), she has agreed to write my foreword. Now I am trying to find a word in the dictionary that describes, “tremendous amounts of gratitude.”  I am honored that Dr. Lieberman believed in my story and validated my journey by offering to write my foreword.

At this point, I will have to settle for “thank you” – forever grateful.

Here is the bio of the amazing Dr. Carole:

BIO: CAROLE LIEBERMAN, M.D.

America’s Psychiatrist, Carole Lieberman, M.D., has been recognized for her incomparable talents by The Academy of Television Arts and Sciences who awarded her with three Emmys, Cosmo Magazine who described her as “One of the nation’s top therapists,” and the devoted readers who have bought her bestselling books. Dr. Carole’s passion for helping people live more insightful lives extends beyond America’s borders. Indeed, her multi-dimensional career is internationally renowned! Most recently, in connection with Dr. Lieberman’s award-winning book, Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets, a famed London designer appointed her to be the ‘U.S. Ambassador’ of the dress Kate Middleton wore to catch her prince.

Dr. Lieberman analyzes the psychological impact of world events with passionate commentary. Far more than entertaining and exciting — it dauntlessly cuts to the heart of the issue. Whether on TV, Radio, the Internet, Film, Print or as a public speaker, Dr. Lieberman’s insights help people cope with society’s challenges and empower them to seize the moment and live happier, more fulfilling lives.  With the difficult times we live in today, Dr. Carole Lieberman is the trusted go-to expert for her breadth of experience and knowledge about our most compelling headlines.

It’s no wonder the most important journalists, everyone from Oprah to Larry King, Katie Couric to Bill O’Reilly, think of Dr. Lieberman when they need a ‘house call.’ Viewers adore her from her frequent appearances on CNN, Headline News, Fox News, BBC, “The Today Show,” “Good Morning America,” “Dr. Phil,” and “Entertainment Tonight” to name a few.  Dr. Lieberman is quoted regularly in newspapers and magazines around the world including: USA Today, the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, Newsweek, Time, The Washington Post and Daily Variety. Plus, she has written for many publications – from her “Hollywood on the Couch” column in the National Enquirer – to her psychiatric treatise in the Encyclopedia Britannica.

Currently, she can be heard as the host of “Dr. Carole’s Couch,” a weekly Internet radio show on voiceamerica.com.  Here she analyzes today’s headlines: from terrorism to trials, love affairs to business affairs and success stories to pop culture and celebrity scandals.

As the author of the bestselling books Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them and When to Leave Them and Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets, she has tackled the most intimate issues between men and women. Now, more than ever, we are confused, hurt, lonely and desperate for love, yet hooked on heartbreak and following the same unsuccessful patterns.  Dr. Carole unlocks the door to healthier relationships and reveals how women can turn their frogs into princes, and how men can crawl out of the dating swamp to find love.

Since 9/11, Dr. Lieberman has been helping people cope with the ultimate monster in the closet: terrorism.  She has devoted herself to rousing people from denial and giving victims the psychological tools needed to survive as detailed in her book Coping with Terrorism: Dreams Interrupted.  It is this unique blend of therapeutic skills which enabled Dr. Lieberman to create the first Shrink on Board, a Relaxation Channel, which soothes fears in the air (and on the ground), and the first Terrorist Stress Hotline.

Born and raised in New York City, Dr. Lieberman received her M.D. degree from Belgium’s Universite de Louvain and her psychiatric residency training at N.Y.U.- Bellevue, where she was Chief Resident.  She studied in London at Anna Freud’s Hampstead Clinic and at the Institute of Psychiatry/Maudsley Hospital.  She is a Diplomate of the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology, and a well-respected member of the clinical faculty at U.C.L.A.’s Neuropsychiatric Institute. She was awarded an NIMH grant, for research in how to use the media for public health education and has a Masters Degree in Public Health.

Not only does she maintain a consistent and incredible star-studded practice in Beverly Hills, Dr. Lieberman has built an outstanding reputation as a psychiatric expert witness who testifies in high profile trials, and analyzes trials in the media. Her earliest headline-making case, as a forensic psychiatrist, was testifying for the defense in the Jenny Jones murder trial, and Dr. Lieberman has written a first-person account of it, entitled Murder by TV: A Descent Into Madness.

Recognized as the preeminent authority on the psychology of show biz and the influence of media on our minds; Dr. Lieberman has proven to be formidable activist against media violence, having testified before Congress on several occasions, along with laying the groundwork for the TV ratings system. Dr. Lieberman even stopped the launch of a NASA rocket that would have touted an advertisement for a Hollywood action movie on its exterior.

With her ongoing campaign to make the public more media savvy, she is not afraid to put the entertainment industry on the couch and in turn has become one of the most sought after psychiatric script consultants in Hollywood, including top soap operas, “The Young and the Restless” and “The Bold and the Beautiful,” in addition to other TV and film projects.

In the spirit of ‘have couch will travel’, Dr. Carole brings her analytic couch into your home, to explore your secrets and dreams and what they all mean – and to help you cope with today’s world! ###

 

“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or Follow me on Twitter @onemomsbattle.com

To purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle”, click here. You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive while divorcing a narcissist or co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to de-code the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and to begin healing. 

 

 

Nov30

If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words…

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If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words…

How much are a thousand pictures worth?

Excerpt from Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle:

Dating Seth: As we started driving, Seth pulled out a photo album of his two dogs. He knew that I owned a pet sitting business and wanted to show me how much his dogs meant to him. His photo album showed every stage of his dogs’ lives, and I could feel his excitement as he talked about his pets.

These were not just any dogs, based on Seth’s descriptions. Seth and his father had driven almost one thousand miles to personally select one of the dogs, and Seth bragged about her lineage being the best that money could buy. The other dog had been Seth’s dog in college, and he talked about how much attention he received while walking the dog around the college. Seth told me that he owned another vehicle, a Jeep, solely to transport his dogs. I found it sweet to see how much he loved his animals.

  • Red Flag Reflection: While it was touching that Seth loved his dogs, it was odd behavior for a grown man. It also made for a socially awkward situation because there were only so many times I could comment about how great his dogs were. Seth was trying to prove how much he loved his dogs by bombarding me with photos.

Hindsight is 20-20. It is my belief that because Seth is incapable of regular feelings and emotions, pictures are his way of “capturing love.”  I was recently reminded that during the beginning stages of our divorce, Seth would show up at my daughters’ preschool and insist that the teachers view the photos that he had taken of the girls having fun. In his hands, he held solid proof of love. One teacher at the preschool told me that he didn’t even listen to her speak at a parent-teacher conference because he was so preoccupied with searching for photos on his laptop computer.

Throughout our custody battle, Seth has bombarded everyone with photos. Anyone who will listen to him is “shown” that he loves his daughters. Several people who are on Seth’s Facebook account messaged me yesterday to say that he had uploaded lots of new photos showing himself to be the doting father. My response: “Of course he is. We have a custody evaluation on the horizon. He is snapping pictures as fast as possible” I am hoping that our evaluator sees through this game. While I am guilty of being camera happy, I have yet to have to prove my love to the courts through photos. I am confident in my relationship with our daughters and don’t feel the need to capture that love to show everyone who will give me five minutes of their time.

Since I strongly believe that they all use the same manual in life, I am curious: does the narcissist in your life “capture” love by photo?

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“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or Follow me on Twitter @onemomsbattle.com

To purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle”, click here. You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive while divorcing a narcissist or co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to de-code the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and to begin healing. 

 

Nov20

Tina’s Book: “Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle”

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Tina’s Book: “Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle”

What a journey! Not only did I survive but I’ve thrived.

Today is the official release of “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle” and I am so happy to share my story with all of you! How did I fall into the trap of a narcissist? What were the red flags that I saw along the way but chose to ignore? I will share all of that and more!

I started writing my book in April of this year and I am happy to report that my project is complete. Writing this book has completed my healing and allowed me to reflect on the past ten years of my life while learning and growing. Thank you for following my journey, cheering me on and cheering me up when I was feeling defeated.

Inside my book you will find:

  • My relationship from the very beginning and the red flags that were lining my path.  I offer “Red Flag Reflections” which I pause and point out what I should have paid attention to and why.
  • The separation and divorce where things went from bad to worse.
  • Tips on surviving the journey through divorcing a narcissist. It isn’t easy but you can do it!
  • The Narc Decoder which will teach you how to take those “crazy making” emails and understand the deep, dark pit in which they were generated from. Once you understand the hidden messages, the emails will no longer evoke emotions from you.  Essentially, you can take back the power.
  • The Family Court System with a narcissist which is  a bad concoction.  A narcissist in divorce court is the modern day spin on Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
  • Forgiveness and Acceptance- start your path to healing by forgiving yourself and accepting the reality of the narcissist in your life.

One Mom’s Battle has been featured in the Huffington Post, Washington Times and The Examiner.  One Mom’s Battle has become a support system and a lifeline for thousands of women across the world who are actively in battle against a Narcissist and the Family Court System.

“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or Follow me on Twitter @onemomsbattle.com