Category Archives: “Olivia” –Guest Blogger

“Olivia” ~ Blog 5

“Olivia” ~ Blog 5

OliviaNote from Tina: There are many faces to this battle and I am currently featuring a total of six different people who are all affected by narcissism. Some are divorcing a narcissist, some share custody with a narcissist, one is a man who is affected by his ex-wife’s personality disorder and one is an amazing young woman who is away at college but still feeling the effects of her father’s narcissism. While we are all different, we share the same story—the same trials and tribulations.  There are many faces to this battle and I am happy to share them with you. -Tina

“Olivia” ~ Blog 5

Because I am a legal adult and attend school out of state, my dad has very little control over me anymore. The only thing he has to hold over my head is money. He has always used money as a bribe, but this year he has taken it to a whole new level.

To give you a bit of background: my dad is required to pay all school expenses up to a certain amount as stated in the agreement between he and my mom. He has decided that he is just going to ignore the agreement. He has always hated spending money on someone other than himself. My first semester of college, he told me a week before I left for school that I would need to take out a student loan, because he wanted to start a new business. After that experience, he waited until the last possible moment to pay my tuition. When he finally bought my textbooks, I got a 15 minute guilt trip. I would have to agree to visit him or do something for him. He knows how important school is to me so he knows exactly how to manipulate me.

This was all happening occurring at the same time that the collection calls began.  The summer before college, my dad made me sign up for gym because he thought I was too heavy. He made me put all the information in my name however, he agreed to pay for the membership. He never paid for the gym. I was getting at least 3 collection calls a day before I finally was able to put an end the calls.

This semester, my dad has decided that he’s not going to pay for my tuition or my textbooks. He said because I am not seeing him or talking to him that he won’t pay for college. Maybe it’s because of my personality, but I don’t understand how someone can go back on a promise or an agreement. It’s difficult for me to understand why my schooling has these strings attached.  I am angry and hurt that my dad doesn’t honor his agreement. While I will never understand what goes on in my dad’s mind, I am starting to understand why this may be happening to me.

A few weeks ago, I saw a pin on Pinterest that is a quote by Louie Giglio. It said “God is using your present circumstances to make you more useful for later roles in his plan“. I am beginning to realize that having a narcissistic  Father is only making me stronger. I am learning lessons about life every time he does something horrible. When he refused to pay for my textbooks, I am learning to better budget my money so that I could plan for other things he might not pay for. I have also learned that its okay to reach out for help. My university’s minister has played a key role in helping me through this journey with my dad. My dad contacted him claiming that I am not talking to him, and I am not doing well. I went to talk to him about what my dad said. The minister guessed my dad was not sharing the entire story. He offered to help me if my dad tried to see me or if my dad refused to pay tuition. I know that I will able to use the experiences with my dad at some point in the future.

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To see the rest of the posts from “Olivia,” click here.

“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter

Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.”  You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to decode the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

“Olivia” ~ Blog 4

“Olivia” ~ Blog 4

Screen Shot 2012-11-30 at 6.33.06 PMNote from Tina: There are many faces to this battle and I am currently featuring a total of six different people who are all affected by narcissism. Some are divorcing a narcissist, some share custody with a narcissist, one is a man who is affected by his ex-wife’s personality disorder and one is an amazing young woman who is away at college but still feeling the effects of her father’s narcissism. While we are all different, we share the same story—the same trials and tribulations.  There are many faces to this battle and I am happy to share them with you. -Tina

“Olivia” ~ Blog 4

It’s no secret when my dad is angry. When he is angry, my mom and I could receive anywhere from 5-25 emails and text messages. His last outburst was on Christmas. My brother and I called him from Europe on Christmas morning to wish him merry Christmas. My brother went first. They obviously had a nice conversation. My dad told my brother that they were going to the beach and a football game when he got home. When I got on the phone things were very different. At first it was civil, we talked about Christmas and what I had done so far in Europe. Then he asked about my grades for first semester. I told him exactly what I made in each class. I also told him that I kept all my scholarships. Instead of congratulating me, he started to scream at me. He claimed I was with holding information from him, I am being brainwashed, and that I only wanted to go to Europe to disappoint him and please my mom. I ended the conversation and hung up the phone.

Within minutes I received three emails, and my mom received 10. My grandmother also receives these emails. He has the ability to turn even the happiest holidays and events horrible. In his first email he describes the “happy” conversation that we had. He claimed to have never screamed at me. The second email was extremely long and described exactly how my mom is turning me against my father. I don’t understand why he would want to start a fight on Christmas. I always think that on holidays or big events that he would just put his problems aside, but he is a narcissist. He truly believes that he is entitled to everything in this world, and that all holidays are about him. He thinks that Christmas is about giving gifts to him. My high school graduation was about thanking him for paying for private school. While I am extremely thankful and grateful for the private school education he gave me, he took it to an extreme level. It is very difficult to not let him ruin my day.

Last Christmas, we went skiing with his family. I absolutely adore the family that skied with us. The plan was to arrive on December 26 and leave New Years Eve so we could be at home for the big holidays. My dad decided to book our plane tickets so that we would leave at 5AM Christmas morning and return at 11PM on New Years Eve. He did it so that we would be with him for Christmas. He has never liked Christmas even when we were little. He has never understood the point of Christmas because of his childhood. I think he did it as a way for my brother and I not to be with our mom on Christmas. We worked around my dad’s plans. We always seem to have to work around my dad. While we were on the trip, I managed to get along with my dad. As we finally got off the plane in our home state,  everything took a turn for the worst. My brother made a rude comment, and that threw my dad into a blind rage. His face became so red and he lunged towards my brother. My brother ran to get to baggage claim, and I kept my dad separated from him. I walked with my dad to baggage claim to make sure he didn’t go near my brother. He screamed at me the entire way there. I managed to call my mom to have her pick us up. My dad kept screaming and me and my brother until we managed to get out of his sight. I didn’t stop crying until I got home. My dad texted me, and asked me to apologize for my behavior. He says I embarrassed him. He thought that his behavior was appropriate. Since then I have not visited him or gone on vacation with him. It is not worth the energy.

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To see the rest of the posts from “Olivia,” click here.

“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter

Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.”  You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to decode the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

“Olivia” ~ Blog 3

“Olivia” ~ Blog 3

Screen Shot 2012-11-30 at 6.33.06 PMNote from Tina: There are many faces to this battle and I am currently featuring a total of six different people who are all affected by narcissism. Some are divorcing a narcissist, some share custody with a narcissist, one is a man who is affected by his ex-wife’s personality disorder and one is an amazing young woman who is away at college but still feeling the effects of her father’s narcissism. While we are all different, we share the same story—the same trials and tribulations.  There are many faces to this battle and I am happy to share them with you. -Tina

“Olivia” ~ Blog 3

The Signs: The first time I really noticed that something was different with my dad was my freshman year of high school. My dad only made brief appearances at my medical appointments, games, and other events. He always stayed just enough time for other parents, coaches and doctors to see him– but he never stayed the whole time. It was an absolute miracle if he was on time. He never made the extra effort to come to events that were far away or unimportant in his eyes– even if it was important to me. Ironically, he would get upset when I did not make the extra effort to please him.

Nothing that I did pleased my dad- it didn’t matter what grade I got, how I dressed, or how well I did athletically. It was never was good enough for him. I was never good enough for him. I never worshiped him enough to meet his standards. He would often quote other people and to sum up the quotes: everyone thought he was great; everyone thought I was doing wrong. No one that I knew seemed to think that I was as horrible as he suggested I was. He expected so much out of me, but I was not allowed to expect anything out of him. I knew that something was wrong- I just did not feel like this was how someone should show love for their child.

Thanksgiving break that year sticks out in my mind. The trip from start to finish was stressful. Admittedly, I am not an easy person to have as a travel companion. I am extremely crazy about being early to airports, listening to safety instructions, and taking the window seat. My dad prefers everything the exact opposite. My dad seems to think no matter what time he shows up at the airport, that they will hold the plane at the gate. He believes that we can just skip security lines. It drives me nuts. Both ways, our planes were delayed so that added even more stress.

When we finally got to my aunt’s house, the craziness increased. My aunt has emotional issues which stem from her childhood—most likely the same dysfunction that caused my dad to be a narcissist. My cousins, brother, and I made a point to only be in the house when they could not bother us. One night at the dinner table, I got into huge trouble because I corrected my dad about where someone went to college. My dad took me aside and yelled at me; he told me to go to my cousin’s room. Then he came up and yelled at me for not helping with the dishes. The rest of the week went on the same way. When I was in the house, I could not please my dad. When I was out of the house, he got mad because I was not spending time with him. I could never figure out what to do. By the end of the vacation, I was relieved to head back home to my mom.

That year is when the red flags became obvious. That year was the start of his downward spiral.

My cousin and I have secretly bonded over the fact that our family has issues. I am lucky that I have found people within my family who understand what I am experiencing. ###

To see the rest of the posts from “Olivia,” click here.

“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter

Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.”  You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to de-code the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

“Olivia” ~ Blog 2

“Olivia” ~ Blog 2

Screen Shot 2012-11-30 at 6.33.06 PMNote from Tina: There are many faces to this battle and I am currently featuring a total of six different people who are all affected by narcissism. Some are divorcing a narcissist, some share custody with a narcissist, one is a man who is affected by his ex-wife’s personality disorder and one is an amazing young woman who is away at college but still feeling the effects of her father’s narcissism. While we are all different, we share the same story—the same trials and tribulations.  There are many faces to this battle and I am happy to share them with you. -Tina

 

“Olivia” ~ Blog 2

 

Today I finished my first semester of college! I survived rush, exams, communal bathrooms, and cafeteria food. These past two weeks have been the most challenging so far; I had to balance final exams, sorority functions, and my dad.

I found out in these past couple of week that we are going to Europe for winter break. I could not be more exited to re-experience European Christmas traditions with my family. I knew that my dad would be upset when he discovered that I would not be home for Christmas. I was growing anxious as I anticipated my dad finding out about the family trip– and anxious about how he would react to the news. To say that he was “less than pleased” is an understatement.

One morning, I woke up to 4 extremely long texts messages and 3 emails detailing his beliefs that my mom is brainwashing me, that I’m a horrible daughter, and that he is the perfect father. The last email detailed exactly what he will not do because since I am not spending Christmas with him: he will not pay for college. These text messages always ruin my day, heighten my already bad anxiety, and distract me. While I know that I am not a horrible daughter or person, it still is hard to read negative things about myself. I wish my dad understood that attacking me with texts and email makes me want to be away from him even more. I don’t understand why my dad has not changed his actions. I do not respond to the text messages hoping not to fuel his fire. I wish he could understand that my decision to go to Europe is not a personal attack against him.

Luckily I have encouraging people surrounding me on all sides. These people have made being a child of narcissist easier. Many people have stepped up to the plate to fill in gaps. My mom’s boyfriend has shown my brother and I what a relationship should look like.  One of my closest friend’s dad bought a shirt and hat from my school while my dad criticized my choice in universities. My grandfather has also done more that anyone could ask of him. He helped move me into college, buys things for my dorm room, and stepped up to be a positive role model for everyone around him.

I am excited for the future. I am confident that being a child of a narcissist will only make me a stronger person.

To see the rest of the posts from “Olivia,” click here.

“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter

Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.”  You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to de-code the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.

 

 

“Olivia” ~ Blog 1

“Olivia” ~ Blog 1

Note from Tina: As you know, I will be changing the format of One Mom’s Battle over the next few months to feature other faces in this battle. When I put the request out there, I secretly hoped that I would find a “Dad Blogger” to represent the other side. I did actually find a dad blogger but what I did NOT expect to find was “Olivia.”

This next blogger that I am about to introduce isn’t divorcing a narcissist. Her father is a narcissist. Olivia is currently away at college and has now found a special place in my heart. I asked Olivia what her main contribution would be to One Mom’s Battle and this was her answer:

“I think I will provide inspiration for daughters like me who are in the same situation as me. I also want to provide hope to girls, as “One Mom’s Battle” has given my Mom and I hope.” -Olivia

 

“Olivia” ~ Blog 1

Intro: Hey Y’all! My story is a little bit different than the other bloggers. Instead of divorcing a narcissist, I am related to one. I have come to realize, especially in the past few years, that my dad is more than just mean, manipulative, and crazy. I believe my dad has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Looking back on my earliest memories, I can identify red flags. Even though he is a major part of my story, he is not who I am or who I will become.

Since I’m only a freshman in college, I still have a lot of growing up to do and a lot of things to add to my biography. Some major things about me are I love skiing, concerts, and airports. I have been extremely blessed in my life; I have been able to attend two incredible schools: my university and the school I went for pre-kindergarten to twelfth grade. I made the most incredible friends at school and through sports. I have found support, encouragement, accountability, laughter, and love in my friends and in my sorority sisters.

So far my biography goes like this. For the first 8-ish years of my life were marked with the Backstreet Boys (still my favorite band), trips to my grandmother’s house, and unfortunately vague memories of my dad physically, verbally, and emotionally abusing my mom. I’m not sure what I thought at the time, but looking back it is horrifying. The next part of my life consisted of going back and forth between houses, ski trips, and school memories. My junior and senior years of high school are when I started to notice just how mean, manipulative, and crazy my dad really is. I noticed that everything came with strings, everything was about my dad, and he gave no love, respect, or help, but he demanded that and more in return. At the beginning of my junior year, my mom’s boyfriend and my mom rented a house together. That is also when I stop wanting to visit my dad’s house. The only time I wanted to see him was so that I could see my cousins.

As soon as we moved in, my dad started making unannounced visits late at night. He also started to send text messages that would go on for pages about how my mom is brainwashing me, how is he a great father, how I am a horrible daughter, and how I am making him look bad. Finally I am in college. I am exactly 160 miles from him. I have, in my opinion, successfully managed my first semester of college. I joined a sorority, made new friends, and performed well in school, but I still feel his presence due to the text messages, emails, the anxiety, and the financial cloud hanging over my head. No matter what he has done to me, I am still going to be the best version of myself.  ###

To see the rest of the posts from “Olivia,” click here.

“Like” One Mom’s Battle on Facebook or “follow” on Twitter

Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.”  You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to de-code the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.