What does divorcing a narcissist have in common with triathlons? Both require a great deal of strength and endurance. While I have never personally competed in a triathlon, I do happen to know a lot about the sport. I also know a great deal about divorcing a narcissist.
You are probably wondering what swimming, biking and running have to do with battling a narcissist in divorce court? If you find yourself in the unfortunate position of going up against a narcissist in court, you will need to put your game face on and gain an intimate understanding of the sport.
Just like a triathlon, there are three stages to divorcing a narcissist:
1. Swimming–Keeping Your Head above Water
Float when needed: There are times when you will feel like you are sinking. This is the time to flip over and float for a few minutes to regain your breath and your composure. Breathing techniques are essential to a successful swimmer and they are also critical to keeping yourself centered and above water.
2. Biking–Using Support, Tools, Rest, Logging your Progress and “Drafting” to take you far down the road
- Support: While there are a plethora of support groups for divorce in general, there is a huge need for support from people who understand the intricacies of divorcing a narcissist. Finding an online support group will provide the knowledge and tools needed to weather this storm. Aligning with a therapist who understands personality disorders is also crucial to your healing.
- Tools: Find an attorney who understands Narcissistic Personality Disorder may be your most important tool. Your energy is not best spent trying to explain the behaviors of your ex-husband to your own legal team. A narcissist’s conduct is baffling to those who are uneducated on the disorder. You need an attorney who is skilled at honing in on the narcissists weaknesses and untruths.
- Rest: Divorcing a narcissist requires the strength of an endurance athlete. Taking downtime and regrouping in between the inevitable narcissistic attacks is critical. Embrace the quite moments and find calming activities such as yoga, meditation or other a warm bubble bath.
- Logging: A logbook is another essential tool whether competing in a triathlon or divorcing a narcissist. Solid documentation will paint a picture that is difficult for the Family Court System to ignore.
- Drafting: Having a support system of friends to take the lead during portions of the race will allow you to save your energy for the uphill sections that await you. This is the time to put your pride aside and allow others to assist you whenever possible.
3. Running–Pacing Yourself
There is a reason why triathletes are called, “endurance athletes”. The endurance needed to withstand the trials and tribulations that accompany a high conflict divorce could be classified as superhuman. Heed my advice when I say to pace yourself because burnout is inevitable if you don’t take it slow and easy. Don’t leave the gate running at a high rate of speed. Remember the tale of the tortoise and the hare. Keep your pace slow and steady. ###
Bio: Tina Swithin survived a Category Five Divorce Hurricane and has taken shelter in her book titled, “Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle and in her blog, “One Mom’s Battle.” Tina resides in sunny California with her fiancé, two daughters and three-legged tortoise named, “Oliver.”
Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.” You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to decode the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.