Note from Tina: Tonight I received a call from Dr. Drew’s studios regarding a segment they are doing which focuses on being unable to move on because you have children with your ex. I am an stand-by tonight and wrote an open letter to Dr. Drew in case I am not able to speak live on-air.
Dear Dr. Drew,
First, thank you for bringing attention to the topic of “difficult ex’s and how to move on from them”. I received a call this afternoon from someone in your studios and it is my goal to speak to you tonight during the show.
In case I am not able to speak to you, I wanted to provide you with a summary of my situation- I have been in a court battle for 3.5 years against my X husband who I believe suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. These individuals make it impossible to “continue on” because of their need to control and “win”. In our court process, I act as my own attorney. I have a blog called, One Mom’s Battle which details my battle in the California Family Court System. I have connected with thousands of other mothers who are in similar circumstances and the blog has had 125,000 hits in less that one year. That number tells me that there are so many others being affected by this issue and that the media has a responsibility to keep the light shining until the darkness is gone.
My main issues lies in the Family Court System because they are not educated to deal with high conflict personalities. I have come to accept that my ex husband has a disorder that leaves him incapable of functioning in the way a normal parent would act. The job of the Family Court System is to evaluate cases to determine what is best for the children. Instead, they are too focused on doing quick, 50/50 custody splits and they are too concerned about Mothers’ Rights or Fathers’ Rights when they should be acting in the best interest of the children.
I was told by my daughters’ attorney that I would need to come up with $8,000 to pay for a psychiatric evaluation. Based on my experience in the court system, I don’t have a lot of faith that the court system would do anything even if we did have a firm diagnosis.
- My daughters’ therapist has written three declarations to the court recommending supervised visits yet they keep giving him additional chances.
- For three years, we have probably been to court at least 30 times.
- It isn’t about his love for our daughters- it’s about winning. It’s the only way that he has left to control me and hurt me
- He threatens me subtlety by telling me that “my time will come” or “Karma will get me” yet he knows how to operate within the boundaries so I can’t obtain an order or protection.
- He can not follow court orders and lies pathologically yet there is no recourse. The court has actually caught him lying on multiple occasions.
- Three women who he has dated since our divorce have contacted me about being afraid for their lives which further validates my fears.
My goal is to educate the public on this disorder because I believe that education is the first step in bring change to the system. I would love your advice on this topic because I don’t believe it is possible to “move on” when you are dealing with a high-conflict personality. Battling to protect my daughters is a part-time job that takes its toll on me–I am exhausted. Tina
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