Note from Tina: There are many faces to this battle and I am currently featuring a total of six different people who are all affected by narcissism. Some are divorcing a narcissist, some share custody with a narcissist, one is a man who is affected by his ex-wife’s personality disorder and one is an amazing young woman who is away at college but still feeling the effects of her father’s narcissism. While we are all different, we share the same story—the same trials and tribulations. There are many faces to this battle and I am happy to share them with you. -Tina
“A Father’s Silent Scream” ~ Blog 1: Intro and Bio
Imagine yourself waiting in line for an exciting roller coaster. A roller coaster ride should be thrilling and it should take your breath away. This particular roller coaster has it all- daring drops and corkscrew turns; it’s better than any other you’ve seen. Friends, family and strangers are waiting in line too. Some are on their second or third time. As people exit the ride, you ask, “Was it fun?” The reviews are all similar in nature:
- “It was scary at times but fun.”
- “Well worth it! Good luck!”
- “At times I wanted to get off, but it was great.”
What if the fourth person advised you to get out of line and pointed to your fiance as he said, “Don’t get on this ride with her!” If someone had a crystal ball and told you that something bad would happen on this roller coaster ride, would you still get on? I got onto the ride despite the warnings and that roller coaster became my life, marriage and parenthood for 11 years.
My name is Ryan Hunter and I am a 43 year old father who resides in the Pacific Northwest with my fiance and her young daughter. Hold on tight because I’m about to take you on my wild ride. While this ride was exhausting, I have found inspiration in my struggles. The lessons I have learned have made me a better man and father.
My son’s name is Blake and he is a typical nine year old boy. Blake loves to play ball, work on puzzles, and jump in rain puddles. Of course, Blake likes to ride on roller coasters also. Blake’s mother Sydney is 35 and we were married in July of 1998. We separated on February 28th of 2009. The tone of the day we were married and the tone of the day we were divorced were at opposite ends of the spectrum.
When Sydney and I met she was charming, funny and full of life. We connected instantly. It was only a short time before we made the commitment to date exclusively, moved in together and were married within a year. Our relationship quickly changed. She became extremely jealous, started dressing provocatively, insisted on being the center of attention and became unpredictable in her moods and actions.
The primary issue we faced throughout our marriage was Sydney’s lack of empathy. She would blame others for her problems, she’d often lie to get what she wanted, and she would self-medicate with alcohol, prescription and non-prescription drugs. Sydney would apologize profusely if she got caught and backed into a corner. However, her regret and remorse was always short-lived. She would quickly rationalize her behavior and return to her old ways.
My story, like Tina’s story is about not giving up, but our struggles with the courts are much different. While our stories are different, like Tina, I believe that it’s not about mother’s right or father’s rights; it’s about “best interest of child.” In many cases, fathers and mothers with limited visitation feel like aunts and uncles rather than meaningfully involved parents. Our children are the biggest losers in the end.
Bio: “A Father Silent Scream” details how one narcissistic woman with the uncanny ability to distort reality was able to twist her delusions into a believable story. She was able to deceive an unwitting Judge and other professionals throughout the legal process which subsequently left me without custody of my son, Blake.
Current Status: A “Tender Years Doctrine” Judge overturned an earlier court ruling during our trial in October of 2011. This decision placed Blake with his mother after being in my primary custody for nearly 3 years. I am currently involved in modification of the final parenting plan. ###
Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.” You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to decode the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.