Note from Tina: There are many faces to this battle and I am currently featuring a total of six different people who are all affected by narcissism. Some are divorcing a narcissist, some share custody with a narcissist, one is a man who is affected by his ex-wife’s personality disorder and one is an amazing young woman who is away at college but still feeling the effects of her father’s narcissism. While we are all different, we share the same story—the same trials and tribulations. There are many faces to this battle and I am happy to share them with you. -Tina
“Olivia” ~ Blog 4
It’s no secret when my dad is angry. When he is angry, my mom and I could receive anywhere from 5-25 emails and text messages. His last outburst was on Christmas. My brother and I called him from Europe on Christmas morning to wish him merry Christmas. My brother went first. They obviously had a nice conversation. My dad told my brother that they were going to the beach and a football game when he got home. When I got on the phone things were very different. At first it was civil, we talked about Christmas and what I had done so far in Europe. Then he asked about my grades for first semester. I told him exactly what I made in each class. I also told him that I kept all my scholarships. Instead of congratulating me, he started to scream at me. He claimed I was with holding information from him, I am being brainwashed, and that I only wanted to go to Europe to disappoint him and please my mom. I ended the conversation and hung up the phone.
Within minutes I received three emails, and my mom received 10. My grandmother also receives these emails. He has the ability to turn even the happiest holidays and events horrible. In his first email he describes the “happy” conversation that we had. He claimed to have never screamed at me. The second email was extremely long and described exactly how my mom is turning me against my father. I don’t understand why he would want to start a fight on Christmas. I always think that on holidays or big events that he would just put his problems aside, but he is a narcissist. He truly believes that he is entitled to everything in this world, and that all holidays are about him. He thinks that Christmas is about giving gifts to him. My high school graduation was about thanking him for paying for private school. While I am extremely thankful and grateful for the private school education he gave me, he took it to an extreme level. It is very difficult to not let him ruin my day.
Last Christmas, we went skiing with his family. I absolutely adore the family that skied with us. The plan was to arrive on December 26 and leave New Years Eve so we could be at home for the big holidays. My dad decided to book our plane tickets so that we would leave at 5AM Christmas morning and return at 11PM on New Years Eve. He did it so that we would be with him for Christmas. He has never liked Christmas even when we were little. He has never understood the point of Christmas because of his childhood. I think he did it as a way for my brother and I not to be with our mom on Christmas. We worked around my dad’s plans. We always seem to have to work around my dad. While we were on the trip, I managed to get along with my dad. As we finally got off the plane in our home state, everything took a turn for the worst. My brother made a rude comment, and that threw my dad into a blind rage. His face became so red and he lunged towards my brother. My brother ran to get to baggage claim, and I kept my dad separated from him. I walked with my dad to baggage claim to make sure he didn’t go near my brother. He screamed at me the entire way there. I managed to call my mom to have her pick us up. My dad kept screaming and me and my brother until we managed to get out of his sight. I didn’t stop crying until I got home. My dad texted me, and asked me to apologize for my behavior. He says I embarrassed him. He thought that his behavior was appropriate. Since then I have not visited him or gone on vacation with him. It is not worth the energy.
To see the rest of the posts from “Olivia,” click here.
Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.” You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to decode the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.