“Olivia” ~ Blog 1

“Olivia” ~ Blog 1

Note from Tina: As you know, I will be changing the format of One Mom’s Battle over the next few months to feature other faces in this battle. When I put the request out there, I secretly hoped that I would find a “Dad Blogger” to represent the other side. I did actually find a dad blogger but what I did NOT expect to find was “Olivia.”

This next blogger that I am about to introduce isn’t divorcing a narcissist. Her father is a narcissist. Olivia is currently away at college and has now found a special place in my heart. I asked Olivia what her main contribution would be to One Mom’s Battle and this was her answer:

“I think I will provide inspiration for daughters like me who are in the same situation as me. I also want to provide hope to girls, as “One Mom’s Battle” has given my Mom and I hope.” -Olivia

 

“Olivia” ~ Blog 1

Intro: Hey Y’all! My story is a little bit different than the other bloggers. Instead of divorcing a narcissist, I am related to one. I have come to realize, especially in the past few years, that my dad is more than just mean, manipulative, and crazy. I believe my dad has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Looking back on my earliest memories, I can identify red flags. Even though he is a major part of my story, he is not who I am or who I will become.

Since I’m only a freshman in college, I still have a lot of growing up to do and a lot of things to add to my biography. Some major things about me are I love skiing, concerts, and airports. I have been extremely blessed in my life; I have been able to attend two incredible schools: my university and the school I went for pre-kindergarten to twelfth grade. I made the most incredible friends at school and through sports. I have found support, encouragement, accountability, laughter, and love in my friends and in my sorority sisters.

So far my biography goes like this. For the first 8-ish years of my life were marked with the Backstreet Boys (still my favorite band), trips to my grandmother’s house, and unfortunately vague memories of my dad physically, verbally, and emotionally abusing my mom. I’m not sure what I thought at the time, but looking back it is horrifying. The next part of my life consisted of going back and forth between houses, ski trips, and school memories. My junior and senior years of high school are when I started to notice just how mean, manipulative, and crazy my dad really is. I noticed that everything came with strings, everything was about my dad, and he gave no love, respect, or help, but he demanded that and more in return. At the beginning of my junior year, my mom’s boyfriend and my mom rented a house together. That is also when I stop wanting to visit my dad’s house. The only time I wanted to see him was so that I could see my cousins.

As soon as we moved in, my dad started making unannounced visits late at night. He also started to send text messages that would go on for pages about how my mom is brainwashing me, how is he a great father, how I am a horrible daughter, and how I am making him look bad. Finally I am in college. I am exactly 160 miles from him. I have, in my opinion, successfully managed my first semester of college. I joined a sorority, made new friends, and performed well in school, but I still feel his presence due to the text messages, emails, the anxiety, and the financial cloud hanging over my head. No matter what he has done to me, I am still going to be the best version of myself.  ###

To see the rest of the posts from “Olivia,” click here.

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3 Responses

  1. Wow.

    I think you are going to be a lifeline of hope for a lot of us–men and women–, hoping and praying our children eventually see through the fog (fear, obligation, & guilt) used by emotionally abusive people.

    One of my good friends also grew up with a narcissistic father. She has told me one of the most wonderful things her mother ever did: When she was about 19 or 20, she asked her mom if she was crazy to think her dad was kind of an a$$. Her mom never hesitated or batted an eye, “No baby, you’re not crazy.”

    And that was the end of it. She didn’t take it any farther or attack my friend’s father, just reassured my friend that her perceptions of the situation were not off the mark. And she did this once her daughter was a young adult in college, not while she was a little kid at home.

    My friend “S” said that was one of the best things her mom ever did for her.

    I know it may seem impossible, but somewhere inside your father is a man who truly does love you, even if he’s swallowed whole by these mental “loose wires”.

    I hope you have sought therapy, or some kind of counseling to help you identify any “sore” spots a Cluster B PD-ed person could use to pull you in.

    Speaking as the child of someone who (probably) falls somewhere on the spectrum, I thought I would never fall into that trap–I was too smart to be sucked into the world of drama I left the state in order to escape.

    Obviously, as someone on this forum who’s resorted to a pen name in order to connect with other people without my Ex making even more threats, I was arrogant and blind to my own weaknesses.

    He is well aware of the weaknesses of everyone around him, while absolutely certain he has no weaknesses of his own.

    I’m not saying you are destined for the same experience, but statistically, children of people with a Cluster B PD are more likely to marry someone who also falls on the spectrum.

    All the best as you prepare for finals!

    Blue Eyes and Bruises

  2. I think of all the stories on here yours gives me the most hope. I wish my own daughter was old enough to read your story. While I do care about me and how I make it through the next decade with my ex, I worry more for her. I guess I kind of want a guarantee that as long as I show her healthy relationships, she will succeed.

  3. Olivia- thank you for writing this. My daughter is five years old and is already feeling the effects of having a narcissistic father. Her father and I have joint custody, and every day is a struggle for her. I wish she was old enough to read your words. You have given me hope that she will come out of this on top.