An Open Letter to Dr. Phil Regarding Narcissistic Personality Disorder

An Open Letter to Dr. Phil Regarding Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Dr. Phil,

My comment on your community page wasn’t published so I will resort to writing an open letter in hopes that you will issue a public apology.

Several people wrote to me today regarding your show on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and because that is a topic very near and dear to my heart, I watched the clip.  To say that I was appalled by your portrayal of a very serious personality disorder is an understatement.  Narcissism isn’t about standing in front of a mirror and being enamored with oneself.

Narcissism has wreaked havoc on my life and countless other men and women who find themselves divorcing a narcissist.  Susan Powell tried to divorce a narcissist.  Lacey Peterson is an example of someone who was married to a narcissist.  Obviously, there are varying degrees of narcissism.  As someone who promotes himself as a “doctor”, you should be incredibly ashamed of yourself.

There are an army of us who work tirelessly to educate the public, the media and the courtroom about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and you just set us back tremendously.  I encourage you to speak to the women and men in my group who have been devastated by this personality disorder.  I encourage you to do a show that take a look at the reality of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and what it is like to divorce a narcissist.

Here are just a few quotes from my Facebook page today:

  • I posted on the show’s Facebook page this morning and said being narcissistic goes waaaay beyond looking at yourself in the mirror too much, something most teenage girls do but generally out grow. He’s an ass. He’s a narcissist. That’s why he trivialized it, I think. After all, how could a balding, middle-aged man EVER be accused of being narcissistic if mirror-gazing is how it’s determined?
  • It was disgusting. Makes NPD look as though its just people staring at themselves. He did not go into the abuse and utter devastation the victim suffers. Not to mention the effect on children. How can people understand this mental illness if people in the media trivialize it??
  • Reminds me of when Matt Lauer interviewed Christy Brinkley. It is truly a disgrace to all of us that suffer daily from dealing with NPD.
  • Tina, I was going to message you about this after I happened to see it today, glad others felt the same way, too & said something. I was initially happy to hear that he was covering the topic of narcissism & ended up that it was a total joke, a disgrace to all of us that are dealing with exes with NPD. The only thing I did feel he effectively portrayed was how those uneducated about this disorder perceive it. If anyone on this site can honestly say their ex actually admits they are a narcissist, I would be shocked. It’s garbage like this that is broadcasted that takes us a step back in our quest to get the attention of family courts. In my case, we had psychologicals done that specifically said, among other things, that my ex was “quite narcissitic” & the magistrate ignored it, wouldn’t allow it discussed in court & probably thought…”so he is a little selfish & looks at himself in the mirror too much”. They have NO idea. Thanks for nothing, Dr. Phil.
  • Truly disgusting. Truly disturbing. I hope no one I have told my story to saw this. It’s hard enough for anyone to believe it. Now it’s been trivialized and distorted.

If you are interested to speaking to real people who know what this disease is about first-hand, I encourage you to contact me because you owe it to the public to set the record straight about what this disorder really is.

Sincerely, Tina

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To purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle”, click here. You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive while divorcing a narcissist or co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to decode the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and to begin healing. 


49 Responses

  1. I have spent the last four and a half years divorcing a narcissist. He still thinks that my son is his possession and that he has to hurt me for causing him injustice. I underwent open heart surgery due to him hitting me and damaging my pericardium. I lost my ability to work. My credit is shot, my financial state is desperate (he got all the equity from our 15 year marriage including all 401k money)and he has ruined my reputation, yet he still wants to have me prosecuted for 4 days of missed visitation before the divorce decree was thrown out. And the Judge allows him to send in his child and spousal support at his will, without a wage garnishment! And I have caused him reason to want revenge on me? Even when his attorney blamed me for his attorney burning down his own home which got him 10 years in prison! And he claims I don’t even deserve to draw off his social security for being married actively for more than ten years to him! As if all this wasn’t enough, he is trying to make me a convicted felon! He has gotten the state to set his child support at half of what the state guidelines say it should be, claimed our son on his taxes for years he wasn’t living with him, didn’t reimburse me for his medical, refuses to reimburse me for back medical and for taking government stimulus money for dependant not his, and falsifying his income.

  2. I’d like to volunteer my story to demonstrate to Dr Phil just how far past “looking in a mirror” this disease is. How I shield my children from knowing who their father REALLY is, only to have him show them himself with wildly inappropriate contact that. He damages our children despite my best efforts because they are a game to him. Pawns. Get to me through them without regard for them.

    I’m having a night where my ex makes me disgusted and angry, and there’s not a lot I can do about it.

    To hear that a nationally syndicated program missed the mark so spectacularly just adds to my frustration.

    Do better research, Dr Phil. Meet actual people. Watch the interaction long enough and I guarantee you’ll see the monster lurking behind the mirror.

  3. I can’t believe how much he’s trivialised it. I’ve worked so hard to try and educate people to see the signs of NPD and he’s gone and made it sound like vanity and severe self-centeredness. I’m lost for words.

    Its highly psychological and you’d NEVER detect it if you didn’t know what you were looking for. Apparently now everyone is going to think vanity goes hand in hand with it when it has next to nothing to do with it.

    Severely disappointed about this. I wont be watching Dr Phil again.

  4. Many times Dr Phil has sided with the Narcissist on his show.It really angers me.For someone whos a Dr and educated he doesnt know squat about narcissists.Pathetic!

  5. Dr Phil,

    A narcissist believes they are entitled to step outside their marriage when they decide their spouse is too “mundane”.

    A narcissist will make death threats & then when faced with their behavior announces it was a “misunderstanding”.

    A narcissist blames other people for their choices, their behavior, and the consequences of their choices & behavior.

    The vast majority of abusers in America are narcissists.

    Your primary demographic is evangelical Christians looking for mental health professional advice.

    Yet you minimalize a truly disturbing Cluster B Personality Disorder (which is on the same spectrum as Antisocial Personality Disorder).

    I suppose the Antisocials in America’s prisons are just misunderstood and were stealing to feed their (non existant) children?

    You are supposed to be a mental health professional, and yet your portrayal of NPD (and by extension the other Cluster B PDs) shows little more understanding than what we would expect of a jr high student.

  6. I have been going thru divorce from a narcissist for 3 years & still not divorced. To say that my 3 kids & I are living a nightmare is an understatement. We have no financial support even though it was court ordred. the lies are endless. My ex is manipulating the system and everyone in it. He has been able to control and hide all of our assets & leave us with absolutely nothing. The kids and i still live in our home but its a matter of tome before that’s taken from us too. Before all this, we lived a comfortable life in terms of finances, now he claims to be poor and can’t pay support. I dont have money for food let alone the lawyer. My children & I have now become victms of the legal system. I can’t go into details here, but minimizing the affects a narcissist has especially in a divorce is another injustice that theses families have to endure. Some situations are torturous. Please do the right thing Dr. Phil! Speak to the victims so you can understand and set the record straight. Maybe even do some good by doing a show shining a light on an issue that is completely ignored by family courts and finally bring some credence and hope for families.

  7. I wrote Dr. Phil’s site as soon as I saw the show. I was appalled as well. He took a serious topic and turned it into an hour of nothing informative on the subject. I have been touched by a few Narcs in my life and to say the least, it is debilitating to children of Narcs, growing up with a Narc is nothing like what he portrayed on the show. I think he should re-do a show with REAL psychological research that has been done on the subject.

  8. I agree with you. I wrote his site yesterday after viewing the show he did. Appalling to say the least. I think I’ve done more research on the subject than Dr. Phil or his staff. A re-do show is definately owed to the people who watch his show.

  9. I would also volunteer my story. I am actually a fan of Dr. Phil, but was not at all impressed with his position on this issue. I found it somewhat hypocritical as well, since he is known for being such a “straight to the point” kind of guy. To quote him, “you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge”. Well, that is what is happening in my case. And since folks like Dr’s and judges reinforce the trivialization of NPD, my family and I continue to suffer under the duress of abuse.

  10. Dr. Phil really should know better; and not necessarily that he should have known more about NPD, but that he should have known to be thorough and accurate in his presentation – and do some research!. Shame on him for assuming his knowledge is sufficient.

  11. I haven’t seen the whole episode, but the trailer certainly minimizes the issue. There’s that version of “narcissistic” which is when a person believes the world revolves around them – then there is the dangerous version where it’s crossed into a psychopathic level. This is what all of us are dealing with – the revengeful narcissistic, cluster B individual who wants to see us suffer to the end. Wouldn’t it be great if Dr. Phil could take this another step further and do an episode on “when narcissism is a disorder” or something to that effect… highlighting all the issues that NPDs create in other people’s lives, the aggressive, bullying, abusive, scandalizing, destructive behavior. That’s what needs to be publicized. Wonder if we can collectively influence this??

  12. I just wanted to say that I was a guest on his show this year and was treated so badly. I had been running for my life from a narcissist/sociopath for a long time and he sided with my abuser-treating me like dirt. I literally cannot remember the drive to the airport after the show or the plane ride home and spent the next week in bed because I was so mortified. I needed help and I got nothing but a coffee mug!

  13. “5 months free of Narcisistic Abuse due to the very difficult advise of ‘No Contact’. The first few months I litterally remember thinking many times, while in deep agonizing pain, that this is what it feels like to die, to have your life and spirit sucked from you like a vampire, left as a dead, empty corpse.” The psychological and emotional abuse are indescribable. The most difficult part is that the effects of the abuse reach far beyond the end of the relationship. The gas-lighting, Projective Identification, and Hoovering are unbearable, not to mention the direct verbal abuse to demean and belittle the victim.

    I’ve always thought “Doctor” Phil was a quack. I don’t think he is capable of truly addressing the issue of Narcissism in a serious manner. I’m very disgusted that he has, and continues to demean and belittle the people who come to him for his guidance and help. Shame on you, “Dr.” Phil!!!

  14. I would like to applaud and thank you for standing up for those who have lived through narcissistic abuse. I am a woman who divorced one diagnosed 2003. He was given custody of the children. I could quite literally write a book or a movie about all that unfolded from within this relationship and beyond. It is so important for women and the public to become aware of this issue. Mental health providers and domestic violence centres need to be educated. There are many women suffering in silence that have no idea what they have even lived through.Thank you for bringing the truth behind this very important topic to Dr. Phil’s awareness and the rest of those you touch with your words.

  15. Lisa- Thank you for your comment. I think that there are many who would speak up but are being silenced right now by the courts. It makes me sad.

  16. So sorry sweetie.

    If you check “Dr Phil’s” wikipedia, you’ll notice he’s been in a lot of hot water and settled a lot of litigation rather than have it come out in public.

    Interviews are edited and manipulated to reflect Dr Phil’s agenda, not the interviewee’s position.

  17. Sorry, hit enter by accident.

    My point was, it was not you.

    It was never about you. He’s a psychologist, and you turned to him for help, and he was more interested in promoting an agenda for a show than in listening to you and authenticating your heartache, bewilderment & confusion.

    You are not alone. There’s a lot of men and women who follow Tina’s blog who have been there.

    We hear you.


  18. May I also suggest you review the literature on neuroscience and the hard wiring of cluster b brains. I am happy to send you the clinical articles of relevancy regarding them. The danger is you utilize theories and approaches that are meant for non-cluster b relationships. These are PATHOLOGICAL LOVE RELATIONSHIPS in which the approaches and theories and even etiologies are different. It is in fact DANGEROUS to suggest to partners of cluster b that there is something that works with these types when neuroscience is clear. There is even Neuro Law that is now being argued in these types of cases so clearly if there is Neuro Law that there are neuro implications about low treatment outcomes. These are individuals with low impulse control coupled with low empathy which = inevitable harm. We are happy to provide information if he is open to education about this.

  19. Tina- yes,I believe that is true and some women are very scared. I have spoken out very little about my personal experiences due to judgement and lack of knowledge with professionals. It was difficult to hold it in while attempting to go about living life like nothing happened. I see other women in relationships with narc. men that hold professions which make them vulnerable.Women need to be empowered on this topic. Those who have been through this have a right to speak out for themselves, their children and others if they feel it is best to do so. All the best to you.

  20. Narcissistic people are very destructive people who like to hurt people when you stand up to them. They will do anything to shut you up to the point where they get into your families life whom they dont even know, just so they can destroy your life.

  21. Lori, I am sorry to hear this is going on with you. I have just started to learn about this type of people due to my husband passing and his sister fits this type. The things she did while my husband was sick and now doing after he has passed well i cant belive people do the things they do to get what they want at any cost….

  22. I watched the show…and I was appauled that they didn’t even touch on HOW these personalities affect others in their life. I divorced an N of 23 years. That was 7 years ago I caught him in an affair, and then the truths started to unravel. My entire life with him and my kids was FAKE. THE PAIN DOES NOT CEASE. THE VICTIMIZATION, DEVASTATING. DR. PHIL,PLEASE HAVE A SHOW ON VICTIMS OF NARCISSISM. IT IS ON THE RISE. I MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY EXHAUSTED…….I SO WANT TO TELL MY STORY AND THAT OF OTHERS THAT HAVE BEEN AND CONTINUE TO BE VICTIMS OF NS

  23. Lori, there is an excellent site (particularly when dealing with a Narcissistic female) called Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. I cannot recommend strongly enough that you check it out to help you deal with your sister-in-law. I stumbled across it while trying to deal with my Narcissistic soon-to-be (hopefully!) ex-husband……but it’s been very helpful in dealing with him.

  24. I was so disturbed by this episode of Dr. Phil. Because of my Narc ex husband I lost my beautiful disabled son who was left to die when my ex left me homeless after 30 yrs together, my granddaughter almost committed suicide, he scammed my family out of almost 20 thousand dollars…….stole almost 10 thousand dollars of child support money that was suppose to go to my granddaughter. I lost every family member, friend and could not get one person to help me because of his slander and lies. I was left on the streets to die, was beaten and robbed. All because of NPD. I am appalled that a Doctor that is suppose to know about these disorders would make it so trivial. My life and my childrens lives were destroyed. You should be ashamed Dr. Phil!

  25. Natalia, you bring up an EXCELLENT point…….the dangers of the Narcissist who has, perhaps co-occurring disorders that take him/her to the level of psychotic. I nearly lost my life to my husband of 12 years in May of 2010 when he went into a state of “toxic psychosis” (diagnosis provided by hospital personnel after the County filed commitment procedures against him and “snapped”). THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS PROBLEM, not only with the individual himself (or herself), but also with the partner in the relationship (who unwittingly becomes prey for his needed Narcissistic Supply, for the children involved, and with the Family Court system (who appears to be clueless about this personality disorder!).

  26. Sandra, I very much would appreciate having those clinical articles you mention! My email is I am in (and have been for nearly 3 years since his psychosis and NPD became apparent during a “snap” that nearly took my life) a legal HELL in trying to divorce this man and protect our 10 year old son and myself from him and from the Family Court system. Thank you!

  27. Tina…….I PRAY that the Dr. Phil staff takes the time to READ through your information, which is SPOT ON and so enlightening. Aside from your story the links that you have provided are wonderful, and should be studied by anyone attempting to “dabble” professionally in these matters (i.e., courts, Guardians, CPS, and all of the “professionals” that now surround this whole issue as a “cottage industry” making money off of high conflict divorces and especially custody cases!). CERTAINLY a psychologist should be well-versed in this issue of dealing with an individual with NPD, and particularly a “Malignant Narcissist”. There are, of course, varying degrees of severity, but the extreme all too often involves psychosis and even homicide and/or suicide. Lives are at stake and it is a problem that seems to be increasing daily in the Court systems across the country. This is one of the articles you posted a link to that I hope gives people an example of just a fraction of the information you have compiled. THANK YOU for all you have done thus far!

  28. Listen up,we need not blame the good Dr. Phil, we need to enlighten and educate him. Perhaps align and not alienate. Let’s ask him to help us gain a platform to reform the public’s view and Family Court’s misperceptions. Let’s challenge him to bring it on! I think he would appreciate a good challenge!

  29. I am married to a person who I think has a narcissistic personality disorder. He has me so beaten down that I do not speak to my Mother or Son. I have very little contact with any of my family other than my 2 daughters. None of the kids are his. My kids are grown. He has a grown son that has VERY little to do with him. He treats me as if I am nothing. Less than nothing. I need desperately to talk to someone that has been through this to help me build the strength to stay away from this destructive relationship. I don’t trust anyone anymore. He has bullied me, caused me to think my family is against me and that I can’t make it on my own and I am so depressed and unsure of myself I am LOST. Please help me. He has mirrors in everyroom of our house, even a full length mirror in the shower. He has destroyed my life and many of my relationships.

  30. Please go to a women’s shelter or a church or get some really good counseling. DO NOT TRY AND DO THIS ALONE! You need to trust in yourself first then you can trust a professional to listen and not betray you.

    “YOU HAD THE POWER ALL ALONG MY DEAR” said Glenda the Good Witch (Wizard of Oz)

  31. Lisa,

    Please do not take this the wrong way when I say you are married to an abusive a$$.

    Get out. I know to my detriment that once you begin to identify and question the abuse, the psychological torture will increase, and can lead to physical &or sexual abuse as well.

    As Susan says, the best thing you can do is get out. Get safe; then you can begin rebuilding and reconnecting with others as *you* choose.

  32. I read your e-mail of December 24 and would like to offer you some support, although I suspect I am not much farther down the road of realization than you are. Briefly stated, I was in a relationship with a woman ( I am a woman too, but that doesn’t matter here ) for 15 years, just moved out in Oct. We have a just turned 4 year old that she is the bio mom of. I was his full-time, stay at home mom all of his life, every day, until she lied to the police and forced me out of the house. Now I rarely see him.
    I want to tell you that one of the things that happens to you with a narcissist is that your perception of reality becomes distorted. You stop listening to that feeling of ‘ something isn’t right here’. I was abused for years and years, to the point where if someone was nice to me it threw me. I believe you finding this website could be the beginning of a life that has not been your own for a very, very long time.
    My suggestions to you are to learn all you can about abuse and narcissism. You will feel validated. Build from there and move towards getting out from under him. You can do it. I did. Don’t overdo your learning, take your time and make yourself take time to nurture yourself. Reach out. There is help. Get therapy. It helps.
    I am here to talk to if you need to write. I will pray for you too.

  33. Lisa- I agree with many of the comments here. You need to get into a good counselor- and start educating yourself on this disorder. In this situation, knowledge really IS power.

    You can do this but you need to build a solid support system first. (((HUGS))) Tina

  34. 35 years ago in Germany I had a girlfriend who had an ex with these tendencies. When I met her, she was very distraught and quite the effect of her ex. He had managed to angle things in his favor where he had legal custody of their 5 year old daughter. Ex and girl lived about 100 miles away.

    I visited her attorney with her and realized quickly he had pretty much given up fighting for her. I could tell she was a good person, kind, well intentioned, and what her ex had told the court about her contradicted with how I experienced her. So I decided to help her get her daughter back. I felt the ex’s achilles heel was his lies. I told her if we could prove in specifics how he lied to the court, we could discredit him and could take him on with some leverage.

    So we visited all her friends where she used to live with her ex and documented, in writing and signed by them, that they never observed her to do those things or be the way he stated to the courts. He had come to our apartment and picked the girl up after my girlfriend had her daughter on visit day. Across the street from where we lived was an adult shop. Otherwise it was a normal street with mom and pop shops and apartment buildings, a nice area. He had described this shop to the court as being a risk to the child because of the visibility of potentially harmful pictures and people, etc. In truth, the windows and door were all painted so one could not see in, to a child it looked like any other building.

    I realized from reading copies of the court documents how extremely good he was in both lying, skillfully twisting the truth, using embellishing adjectives, and implying things but not coming straight and saying them – all in the attempt to make himself look good and make her look bad. I have to emphasize the extremely skillful part. Psychotically skillful are the right words. And to an outside person extremely convincing.

    So we took pictures of the shop across the street, documenting his false statements. And so, item by item, we collected documents, signed statements, etc., referencing his statements and contradicting them with the truth. And we created the truthful picture of this man, made very clear how he lied to the judges and courts and created the true picture of him that was all but pretty.

    Then we took it all back to the attorney and confronted him, had him read it while we were sitting in front of him and told him if he wouldn’t fight for us, we’d find someone else. He agreed. We agreed he submit this to the court – but immediately after we would pick the girl up and take her with us – against the current court ruling. He advised against it but we insisted. We went to the school 20 minutes early, mom went in and picked up her girl, and we drove home. We immediately called the attorney upon having the girl in our car, who was at the courthouse and submitted the documents to the judge handling the case under some emergency request.

    Upon reviewing the documents, the judge was quite furious at the father and determined that the child should stay with the mother considering the new evidence, since the mother now had her, we had in detail documented the living conditions, etc., and in German courts, it is always preferable that the child be with the mother unless there are extreme circumstances why not.

    The ex was of course furious as his PR, smiley face, good guy facade and pyramid of lies he had so carefully built had been torn apart and he was being looked at by the judge for who he really was – a skillful boldfaced lier.

    The fact that we could prove that he had lied to the courts to manipulate decisions in his favor was the key in swaying the judge in our favor.

    I can fully understand what you are going through and just how frustrating it must be for any woman having an ex like this with children in the middle.

    Understand that you are dealing with a true psychotic. The second you compromise with that fact, you’re done with! Your only weapon is frontal attack. You are not perfect and your ex will with laser precision take those imperfections and use them against you, grind you down with them, rubbing them in, invalidating you, belittling you, with such a manipulative skill, that you think you are losing your mind and you have been a terrible mother and wife and are quite worthless.

    Nothing could be further from the truth. What the ex is doing is extremely suppressive. My girlfriend was able to succeed because I loved her and built her confidence back up and supported her. I initially took charge of handling this with her because she was beaten down severely. It was extremely difficult by herself as he had succeeded in destroying her self confidence. And she was alone. However, she took more and more charge of the situation again as we moved through the process. Don’t mess with a mother’s children.

    So one lesson from this I believe is that if you find yourself in this situation, first, know what insanity you are fighting, and never doubt yourself or compromise or back down. Secondly, perhaps you can team up with someone who will help you become cause over the situation again, team up with you in some way. Your ex will have a much harder time beating that person down because he has no points of attack. He has no track record with that person, so it will be much tougher to attack them. And yes, get that positive attitude back. That happened with my girlfriend when we had worked up the strategy to document all the ex’s lies and present them to the court. That was a plan she hadn’t thought of and gave her new hope.

    And I truly believe these people’s achilles heel is their lying, if you can just document it to the important people in your case over and over until they believe you. I can tell Tina is going through this and from what you are writing, you are coming out the other end much stronger and very experienced. And that might be the silver lining in the whole thing.

  35. Marc,

    Thank you so much for sharing your experience– I greatly appreciate it and yes, there is a silver lining…I am no longer a shell of a person, I have found love, I realized how strong I am and now, I am helping others. Lot’s to be thankful for. Tina

  36. I believe that it is QUITE possible and likely that the reason that Dr. Phil can’t appropriately deal with NPD is because he himself has it.

  37. Wow, I am so glad I’ve found this blog. Although I’m not sure if my ex husband has NPD, he is most certainly one of the most narcissistic people I’ve ever known.
    To show you how far past “mirror-gazing” this goes, listen to how my ex husband behaved while dropping the kids off today.

    After he admits that the kids haven’t slept all weekend….after admitting that he hadn’t fed them and that they are hungry and in need of a bath…he proceeds to call our 4 and 6 year old children “rude” and say that they “always treat him like this” because they sleepily said ‘bye’ instead of making a huge production about their goodbyes to him.

    Simply staring in the mirror, Dr. Phil? No, this man thinks the entire world revolves around him.

  38. Did you watch the clip or the whole episode? If you watched the entire episode, you’d have seen that these people have deeper issues that he addresses. I am not Dr Phil’s biggest fan either and I almost didn’t watch this episode because I thought it would be a silly and annoying. The more I watched, the more I saw that he got to the core of this issue. His point was that it’s not all about the mirrors and the shopping. Both guests on the show were truly, deeply troubled. The episode was truly about NPD.

  39. I just watched the show and I thought it was made clear how NPD affects others in their lives. The girl in the first segment had 7 abortions…her mother was devastated. The woman in the 2nd segment has had a horribly negative affect on her daughter, her boyfriend and even his kids. Am I the only one who watched the entire show?
    There are many stories to be told. Horrible, horrible stories. Dr Phil chose to tell the 2 he chose chose to tell. In my view, he shed light on the actual disfunction behind NPD. So, so many people throw around the word Narcissist without even knowing that such a disorder exists. Now Thousands more people are aware and many people will probably get help because of that episode. Why not think about it like that?

  40. Not all narcissist are male. I am married a diagnosed one. She has stormed out of two counselors when after weeks of gleefully examining my faults, the therapist dared to suggest she might also have problems to be examined. My wife doesn’t abuse in anyway that leaves visible bruises. She isn’t a mirror gazer, she puts everything in terms of “having to do it for the kids” to just do as she wishes. In my life experience I expected a mother to put her kids first, so I usually acquiesced with no protest. But years of having even the smallest decision dictated by that definition, I started to notice the same was used to get the kids to follow her plans. She will avoid any situation she can not control.

  41. Thank you for pointing out what a terrible job Phil did with the topic of NPD. I have a sister-in-law with this mental illness. It took more than 20 years for me to finally figure out what she has and then I was able to put up the boundaries with her. She is emotionally and psychologically abusive, controlling, and indescribably mean, self-righteous, and arrogant. She’s no beauty, so looking in the mirror all day long isn’t one of her “things.” No one in our extended family likes this woman. We all would love to hear just one apology from her…she owes us 10,000…but one would be so nice.

  42. I am still not convinced that “Dr. Phil” is anymore than an entertainer. I question where he has actually been in practice as a psychologist. I don’t really find that he helps many, maybe he does, but if you are not in agreement with him he seems to have a tendency to put people down. We are dealing with a family member with what sounds like this disease. The sad parts are he sees nothing wrong with his behavior. We have taken him for counseling and that is nothing more than a mere game to him – so what do you do to help this person try to help themselves? And to make living as a family even a possibility. It is shear chaos the minute he walks into a room – he is fully aware (at least to me it seems) of his behavior and could care less if he is upsetting or disturbing anyone. I am going crazy with this child.

  43. yes! reading through these comments, I was surpised no one mentioned it sooner. I stopped watching Dr. Phil in the very frist season, recognizing the egotistical, unprofessional, sensationalistic man for what he is: a raging narcissist with a diploma in psychology- the most dangerous kind of narcissist there is.