I received a very kind and heartfelt email from a friend who read my blog today for the first time. Then she asked me a good question– “In your perfect world– what do you want? What is your desired custody arrangement if the court stepped aside and you were in control?”
In my perfect world…what do I want?
I want to know that my daughters are safe (physically and mentally) when they are being cared for by their father. In my perfect world, their father puts them and their best interests first. In my perfect world, my X gets the help that he needs so that he can be the type of dad that my daughters deserve. In my perfect world, my X is an active participant and co-parent to the girls. In my perfect world, my daughters are never held to the standards of perfection that was expected of me when married to their father. In my perfect world, my daughters feel happy, loved and accepted no matter who they become or what they do in life.
Until that happens, the perfect visitation arrangement (in my opinion) is the one that is currently in place: four days per month from 10am-4pm. This allows the girls to know their father and have a relationship with him but there are limitations.
My goal isn’t to keep my daughters from their father— it’s to protect them from the dysfunction and shelter them from the things they’ve endured for the past three years. They get to spend time with their dad but they get to sleep in their own bed each night. For now, this is my perfect world.